Underage Drinkers at Musikfest Are Stoopid (FACEBOOK PROFILES)

It’s SOOO easy to underage drink and not get caught. 

DON’T DO IT IN PUBLIC.

LSDKFJ:LSDKJFSDKLFJ

Seriously, if you’re a teenager, the underage drinking itself is enough. You don’t have to compound the whole exciting act by also going out in public. Why? Because, since you aren’t a seasoned drunk like most of the people at Musikfest, you don’t know quiet what’s going to happen to you when you get drunk no matter how many times you “drank two 40s in 20 min.”

Seriously, go find a field, someone’s bedroom or John Callahan’s backyard if you’re over 18 and cute. (Eh, even if you’re under 18, just wear eye makeup.)

Six teenagers were charged with underage drinking after a late Monday night disturbance at a Musikfest bus pickup point in Lower Saucon Township, police said.

Twenty to 30 youths were involved in the 11:25 p.m. fracas, which occurred after they had spent the evening at the musical activities in Bethlehem, according to township police.

When police arrived at the Musikfest pickup point, which is the Giant Food parking lot at 1880 Leithsville Road, they separated the youths involved in the commotion and found six who had been drinking, police said.

Charged with underage drinking were Francis Pagliante III, 19, of Silverdale; Nicole Knoblauch (FACEBOOK PROFILE), 18, of Ottsville; Chelsea Hunt, 18, ofCoopersburg; Brittany Snyder, (FACEBOOK PROFILE) 19, of Ottsville; Tyler Kraemer, 19, of Springtown; and an unnamed 17-year-old girl. Source

Nicole Knoblauch Musikfesttttttt later tonightttt♥

How’d that work out for you Nicole?

Ugh, seriously kids, do it like I used to do it: Pick up truck, keg of beer, copy of Cosmo.

Tweeting Bethlehem Police Horses Get LVwithLOVE in Trouble

So, about a week ago, the Bethlehem police horses sent us an e-mail asking if we could set up their twitter account since they can’t text well due to having… hooves. So, we obliged, and made it so that they could text easily and say what was on their minds.

We expected them to tweet about how they love children and carrots.

But, they threatened the mayor. They made fun of other famous horses. They were racist? They got kicked out of bars. They judged people.

Hey, we still loved them anyway.

They tweeted happily for a few days before the Bethlehem Police Department got wind of it and sent us a cease and desist notification today and we took down their logos and pictures and the horses pouted.

THEN the Morning Call got wind of THAT and got all the facts straight.

In case anyone thought they saw one of Bethlehem’s police horses clomping out a text message as they strolled through Musikfest, let the record be clear: A Twitter account purporting to be written by the four-legged patrolmen is fake.

The account, @BthlehemHorsePD, was started by the local blog LehighValleywithLove.com as a joke because of the popularity of the mounted unit, according to an e-mail from the blog. The messages are written as though from the horses on duty, one of which was assaulted last year by a ‘fest-goer.

“If anyone punches one of us this year. We’re ready. Just finished Taser training with our human cop buddies!” read one of the first messages, posted Aug. 5.

“Being a police horse isn’t easy. We don’t even get donuts, just glazed carrots. Cheapskates,” another read.

The police department caught wind of the parody Monday, said Donna Mugavero of Sheer Brick Studio, who manages the mounted unit’s online social media. Mugavero said Capt. John Sarnicky, head of the mounted unit, brought it to her attention.

“We would appreciate it if they wouldn’t present themselves as if they were us,” Mugavero said, referencing some actual photographs of city horses and officers. “I’m worried about the confusion.”

Sarnicky did not return a call about the dust-up. The horses declined to comment: “Neigh.”

Mugavero, or @MsInformation, said she sent a message asking the city’s images be removed. About an hour later they were replaced with ones that showed a police horse eating a giant carrot, plus a few jabs.

“This is Horseism!” one post read.

“Ignore the neighsayers! I like your horsey anecdotes and a lot of other people do, too,” a reader posted.

Mugavero started an official mounted unit Twitter account to counter the parody; you can find the real horses at @BethlehemMPU. No word on whether they prefer the Blackberry or the iPhone.

In all seriousness, Twitter policy states parody accounts must clearly identify themselves as fake and not representing the actual person or organization — or in this case, patrol horses.

If an account does not follow the rules, is can be shut down, the policy states.

christopher.baxter@mcall.com

610-778-2283 Source

Jeez what a freaking horse poop storm!

All we wanted to do was to give the horses a place to vent about their time during Musikfest .

No, we aren’t mad at them, we just wish they could have MAYBE kept the cursing to a minimum, but hey, can you blame them? Musikfest is a time for the horseys to shine. Hopefully, we can all continue to get along and move forward.

But, if those horses that pull all the people around during Christmas time want our help, we’re going to think twice.

Bethlehem’s Police Spokesman Mark DiLuzio is The Best

In one day Bethlehem’s Police Spokesman, Mark DiLuzio, has quickly become super awesome.

Earlier in the day he made a witty retort about a rape and quickly comes back with this quip regarding underage drinkers!

Bethlehem police said today 23 people had been arrested at Musikfest, mostly for alcohol-related offenses and fighting.Of that number, 10 were from Bethlehem and 13 were from New York, New Jersey and California.

“The majority were on Main Street,” police spokesman Mark DiLuzio said today, adding, “We call it Puberty Platz because so many are underage and drinking.” Of the 23 charged, DiLuzio said 14 were underage. Source

I couldn’t have said it better myself. 

Mark, if we ever run out of material we’re coming to you. Kthxbye.

15 Year Old “Covers Entire Criminal Code Section”

We take a break from your previously scheduled Musikfest fun reporting to bring you a juvenile who committed more crimes before he was of legal smoking age than you probably will in your entire life!

A 15-year-old Bethlehem boy was arrested and charged with multiple counts of rape, involuntary deviant sexual intercourse and related charges, police spokesman Mark DiLuzio said today.

The girl, who was 12 when the alleged attacks began, reported them to the staff of St. Luke’s Hospital in Fountain Hill, who called police, DiLuzio said.

“He basically covered the entire criminal code section,” relating to sexual assault DiLuzio said.

The boy is in Northampton County Prison pending court action, DiLuzio said.  Source

EEEk “deviant” means “sick shit” just so you’re aware. Don’t feel like getting into it.

Enjoy getting drunk this week!

The LCB Tries to Screw Up Musikfest Because They are D#$ks

So, as anyone and everyone knows, if you carry a Musikfest mug on the streets of Bethlehem (well, the streets where Musikfest is officially being held) and it’s filled with alcohol and you’re not falling over drunk, you’re ok.

Why? Because the Bethlehem PD (and their twittering horse counterparts) understands that waiving the open container law during this time period allows Musikfest to flourish.

Why? Because by waiving the law for a week, they allow people to get drunk outside and make rash decisions in terms of buying crap. See, if they were inside getting drunk the whole time, they wouldn’t be drunk by some of the vendors and wouldn’t be whipping out their credit cards to buy crappy sunglasses or sterling silver rings for their new girlfriends. Just saying.

Besides, would you really buy all those speedies from Hogar Crea if you were sober? No, you wouldn’t

ok ok read on…

As Musikfest grows near, the folks at Bethlehem Brew Works work like indentured servants to brew up enough of the cold sudsy stuff to satisfy the thirsty crowds that flock to the Christmas City to see the likes of Heart and Lynard Skynard.

They and other downtown taverns happily fill festival-goers’ Musikfest mugs and offer frosty ales in plastic pint cups, to go.

That was until Friday, said Brew Works co-owner Rich Fegley. State Liquor Control Enforcement officers warned bar owners that the rules had changed and they would no longer be able to sell beer in take-out cups at any time during the festival, he said.

“For 12 years the enforcement has allowed patrons to take beer they purchased onto the streets,” Fegley said.

Distressed Bethlehem restaurant and tavern owners complied with the change, but hastily convened a summit at the Hotel Bethlehem Saturday afternoon with Liquor Control Enforcement and city, Fegley said. There’s big money at stake for the downtown bars and restaurants.

Liquor control officials explained the law, and the upshot was that for now, the bars plan to continue filling the mugs and plastic cups until at least Monday, Fegley said, when top Liquor Control Enforcement officials are back in the office and can clarify the rules.

Bethlehem Police Commissioner Stuart Bedics said State Liquor Control Enforcement officers’ warnings relate to a ruling in a 1994 case involving Rippers Pub that he admits is less than clear. City police had nothing to do with the warnings, he said, and customarily waive the city’s standard prohibition on carrying open alcoholic beverages during Musikfest.

Fegley said his downtown eatery has rung up as much as $15,000 in beer purchases on a peak Musikfest day, and about half of that probably consists of “to-go” sales. It’s a very important period for the business, he said. Source

Why did this happen? I guarantee you some LCB big shot just decided to wake up and be an asshole and go “hmm, how can I get my sad rocks off today? Oh, I’ll just fuck with one million people’s beers.” That’s a good way to get your house TP’ed just saying.

The cops aren’t going to arrest anyone. I can tell you that. And I don’t see the LCB enforcing this law when there are literally thousands of people who are either just not going to be aware of it or are going to ignore it because… well… in a group of about 500 people, you can ignore it.

Great job though, LCB, and… it was a nice shot. Go back to continuing to make Pennsylvania the most screwed state up when it comes to alcohol sales. You make all our friends from other states laugh at us every time we go to a 7-11. Just saying.

The Top Ten Musikfest 2010 Challenge (Are You Festive Enough?)

Well, Musikfest is officially here and we have a game for you! This is the honor system, so don’t cheat like those jerks who play trivia at the Brew Works and get the answers from their iPhones, like REALLLLLY?

This is simple… each item on the list has a point value. Track your checklist throughout the week. Most points wins. Tiebreakers will be determined by the most crazy picture submitted after all scores are tallied. 

Winner gets immortalized.

Oh and say hi to the Bethlehem Horse Police Cops, who are tweeting throughout the entire event!

Now, we went over what Platzes you should go to. You can also read our Muisikfest’s Best Food Bets from last year that is still applicable.

Since all of that is out of the way, lets get to the good stuff… here are 10 Things you NEED TO DO, no matter who you are, this year at Musikfest.

1. Get a Blinky Mug. It’s stupid, they are expensive, there is no reason to do it. But, I want one. You want one. The horses want one. Just get a freaking blinky mug so you at least have something to light your way home with. You know those purple bug zapper things? The blinky mugs are likes those, just the insects are drunk people. Do it and conform, OK?

Points: 2

BONUS: 1 Point if you try and hypnotize a police horse with your mug.

2.  See that Bell Ringing Dude. Cast in Bronze (so gay) is the real name. Any dude that travels with a custom made church bell piano is invited to my bar mitzvah any day of the week (but, not Sunday, right god?)

Points: 4

BONUS: 2 Points if you yell “FREE BIRD” while he is playing.

3. Chug a beer you smuggled in in a porta potty: Yep, shut up. Do it. Musikfest is the one time of year that MOST “adults” get the chance to enjoy summer, kick back and have an excuse to come into work hung over. So, this is almost like a rite of passage.

Points: 10

BONUS: 5 Points if you shotgun a PBR.

4. Stand for Five Minutes at the Emo Corner: If you’re not familar, all the goth kids hang out by the Moravian Church near the corner of Main Street and Church Street. They are weird, don’t shower and as much as they want to all be “different” they all dress the same. Go figure. You will NOT fit in here. So if you can stand within two feet of a gaggle of goth kids for five minutes, you get…

Points: 3

BONUS: 10 Points if you start a conversation with one of the kids about how good Nickleback is.

5. Eat a Take a Taco with just your hands. Why? Because I always wanted to do this. Their tacos are freaking great but something is lacking when you have to eat them with a fork. The thing with these tacos is that they are basically open faced and take up your whole plate. So, put down those utensils and chomp away.

Points: 2

BONUS: 3 Points if you don’t use a napkin.

6. Ride a Go Kart at Banana Island. I did this once. If you’re nice and probably not TOO fucked up, they will allow you to do this. Keep in mind that these little kids are growing up playing much more realistic video games than you… they will hurt you.

Points: 7

BONUS: 5 Points if you run a kid into the wall. 

7. Eat a Pickle on a Stick I’m not telling you where to find them, but, um search my blog and it’s not hard to figure out. These are the best and cheapest things you can buy at Musikfest with tickets.

Points: 2

BONUS: 10 Points if you cover it in some sort of topping. (Chocolate, funnel cake powered sugar?)

8. Pet a Police Horse I DID NOT SAY HIT. Pet. Be nice. I’m amazed that these horses even put up with all the crap that is going on around them during a normal Musikfest “work day”

Points: 3

BONUS: 4 Points if you ask the police officers riding the horses about their twitter account.

9. Get a Hula Hoop Chick to let you Hula Hoop with her You’ll be seeing more of them this year than you did last year if that stupid Hula Hoop ban is lifted!!!REMEMBER THAT CRAP??? These girls are kinda awesome, kinda weird, kinda cool. So, if one of them lets you hoop you collect…

Points: 6

BONUS: 10 Points if you kiss one on the cheek.

10. Get a Beer in Ripper’s Pub in Under 4 Minutes after 11 p.m. Good Fucking luck.

Points: 15

BONUS: 3 Points if you chug it immediately after getting it.

Ok, report back with your totals as you go!

Which Musikfest Platz is Right For You? Part 2

So, Part 1 was getting way too long to read and my attention span is akin to that of a dwarf on ritalin SO, here is Part 2 of “Which Musikfest Platz is Right for You?

Again, . For a list of ALL venues and schedules, go here.

You can download the map of the whole musikfest party thing event here.

1. Festplatz (AKA Polkaplatz)

Located: Beneath the 378 spur Bridge or whatever it’s called.

Who plays there: I don’t know why this isn’t just called “Polkaplatz.” Whenever anyone tells me to meet them at “Festplatz” I’m like, “Where is that?” Then they say “The Polka Tent” and I’m like “OH SNAP!”

Whoever says that they don’t enjoy or won’t listen to polka, shutyamouths. This is the one time of the year I will listen to and dance to such music and that is just how it’s going to be. Besides, it’s Musikfest, let your hair down, shake off the dust, get out there and cut a rug with granny. They do have more music than just Polka, but your best bet is The Fabulous Greaseband on Thursday, Aug. 12.

Who goes there: EVERYONE IN THE UNIVERSE! (old people)

Pros: Oh c’mon, have some fun and go to Polkaplatz Festplatz no one is going to judge you. Besides, they have places to sit and eat your yummy foods and no one is going to tell on your for enjoying it.

Cons: Old people move VERY SLOWLY. So, just be ready for that. 

2. Plaza Tropical 

Located: In the grassy area where the Celtic guys throw telephone poles at Celtic Fest.

Who plays there: ”World” music bands, which is the American way of saying “Ethnic music.” It’s a lot of fun bands that represent the diversity of the area. So, if you’re down for some of that music that you hear blasting from the cars on the south side all the time, this is your bet. (I have to admit I always wanna dance when one of those tinted cars goes by with those infections Caribbean beats.)

THEY DO have other acts too, a lot of fun surfy type music. This is the platz to go to if you want to soak up the sun. I recommend Davey and the Waverunners on Aug. 12.

Who goes there: Drunk people who are like “how did we just wander into this?” Ha, more people go here at night than during the day because it has a better “outdoor concert feel” than some of the other platzes because it’s on an elevated stage and you feel like you should be dancing.

Pros: As I just said, it’s got more of a real outdoor concert feel to it. Definitely unique.

Cons: For being out in the open it’s kinda hard to remember it’s there since vendors block the view somewhat from the street and there isn’t one “main” entrance to it.

2. Banana Island

Located: Not on an island as the name would lead you to believe, but in a parking lot across from Plaza Tropical.

Who plays there: THIS is the place to find some interesting music. Two summers ago a group of friends and I stumbled down there only to find some stunningly impressive pianist. I forget her name (stupid) but, she was incredible and there was no way that I ever would have found here unless we just happened to be there. So, I recommend checking this gem out (the stage is at the end of the “island”).

I recommend Bill Warfield Octet on Friday, Aug. 13

Who goes there: People who wandered through the rest of Musikfest and wanted to see what was across the street.

Pros: They have kids games there, including go karts. I convinced the worker there the other year to let me ride and he was like “Don’t be mean to the kids.” So, I wasn’t, but then, after I was about to smoke all those 7 year olds some kid totally runs me into the tires and almost wrecks me Kyle Busch style and I was like WTF MATE?

Cons: A bit off the beaten path? I dunno, it’s fun and there is food there and a beer tent that doesn’t usually get super mobbed.

3. Americaplatz

Located: Where Johnny Casino works, at the plaza at City Hall and the Library.

Who plays there: Rock bands yo! I actually think this is most underrated section of Musikfest. Some people don’t even know it’s there. C’mon peeps.

I recommend The Dirty Guv’nahs on Saturday, Aug. 7

Who goes there: People who are smart enough to know that Americaplatz is there. They have some great food as well. Walk up the Church Street, idiots.

Pros: Great music with a full stage and plenty of seating. Great food. Usually not a ton of long lines.

Cons: Where is it? Ha. It is a bit of a hike, but you’re already drunk, what the fuck do you care?

4. Main Street

Located: Main Street in Bethlehem. I’m not even linking to this. Don’t be an idiot.

Who plays there: Different types of bands who play in tiny sections along the street between vendors AND the PAN FLUTERS WHO WILL STEAL YOUR GIRLFRIENDS!!!!

Who goes there: Everyone who comes to Musikfest.

Pros: You kinda can’t miss it.

Cons: Ugh. So many kids who are getting ready for their late summer pregnancy scares. They should just get a paddock for these weirdos.

There you have it. Now, you know where to go. You don’t even need a map. Just memorize all of this.

AND DON’T FORGET TO COME TO LVWITHLOVE PLATZ ON FRIDAY, AUG. 6 at 7 p.m. FOR A SUPER AWESOME SHOW!

LVwithLOVE Concert During Musikfest! Friday Aug. 6 7 -10 p.m.

So, I think I worded that title correctly enough that I cannot be sued. Which is great.

Here’s the deal. We love Musikfest. We love Rock N Joe’s, where we host all the Open Mics and have Shows as well.

Why not host a free, outdoor concert on the first night of Musikfest? “Why not?” is the correct response!

So, come to 1 West Broad Street (The Bank of America Building) on Friday, Aug. 6 from 7 to 10 p.m. and get in on the fun!

RSVP here if you wanna do that sort of thing.

7:00 p.m. Peacekeeper: Their music has been, literally, described as “face melting” by one concert goer. Young, gifted and thrashing. You DO NOT want to miss this performance of classic rock and new music. 

8:00 p.m. Wolfman & The Mutts From the band: ”Our band’s genre is a Rock/Roll style that encompasses three people, Graham Vasquez, Trevor Holmes, and Jake Horn. Our influences derive from many bands, and many styles of music. Our sound changes from song to song, but our distinct style draws directly from the roots of rock and roll, being that of blues, jazz, and ska.”

9:00 p.m. The Pete Johann Band: From the band: “Welcome! You’ve reached the BandMix.com page of the Peter Johann Band. We are a five piece unit based out of Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, made up of veterans of other Lehigh Valley bands (Run For Cover, Big Phoney). The most current incarnation of our band formed in January of 2010, and we’ve recently begun to play out and about in the Lehigh Valley.

Our group consists of two lead vocalists (one who handles lead guitar as well, another who provides supplemental percussion), a bassist, a drummer, and a latin percussionist (bongos, congas, cowbell, vibraslap). Musically, we perform a combination of both covers and original material. We play everything from rock to blues to reggae to folk to Latin…there’s not really a musical style we don’t like!”

There’s really no reason to stop by, especially when you can refill your mugs at Rosanna’s or Joe’s Tavern.

Don’t forget to give love to Rock N Joe and come in and grab some tasty treats or an ice coffee before you start loading up on all that alcohol.

Woman Stabs Boyfriend with Scissors… oh and Musikfest Stuff!

Ok so today nothing has happened besides that pukey kid getting sentenced to 90 days in jail. But, honestly, I couldn’t care less about that anymore. It’s just vomit, let the dad punch him in the face and give the girls a shower and we’re ready to go.

Also, I’m going to start referring to things as “mint” from now on.

Like, if something’s cool I’m going to say “Man that chick is sooo mint.”

I like it, don’t you?

Also, I am currently looking for business (or hell, people) who would like to take advantage of our Musikfest Sponsor offer.

For $50 you get an ad on here for a month, placement on a Tshirt, a Tshirt, an article about all the sponsors with fun stuff in it, and you’ll totally be tagged in all Musikfest posts like this one about what to do or the best free stuff or the best food or the top ten things about Musikfest and will be worn by hot chicks. So MINT!

So, keep that in mind and email me at lehighvalleywithlove@gmail.com

Ok so onto this…

A 27-year-old Bethlehem woman faces charges for allegedly stabbing her boyfriend with a pair of scissors.

Tiffany Ann Johnson, of the 1700 block of Chestnut Street, got in an argument with her boyfriend Kelly Jordan, 29, at 3:30 this morning because she was out late with a friend, police say.

ohnson told authorities the fight became physical when Jordan allegedly pushed her several times. She then grabbed a pair of scissors from a table and stabbed Jordan in the arm, court records say.Bethlehem police found the bloody scissors on the table and a minor puncture wound on Jordan’s right bicep consistent with a stab wound, court records say.

Johnson faces charges of simple assault, recklessly endangering another person and harassment.She was arraigned before District Judge Robert Hawke and committed to Northampton County Prison in lieu of $5,000 bail. Johnson and Jordan live together and have been in a relationship for seven years, court records say. Source

 Wow. I had a girlfriend who was obviously crazy who stabbed me with a fork once because I drank a glass of champagne too fast or something. She didn’t break the skin but I was like “BIIITch leggo my eggo.

Anyhooo, if I don’t talk to you, have a good weekend. Give me a call sometime.

Bethlehem Cops Clean Up After Latin Kings

Wait, is it the “Latin Kings” or the “Latin Kingz” because, when you put a “z” where an “s” is supposed to be, you know what happens = fucking awesome shit.

Also, I guess Bethlehem cops are doing something more than training their horses for battle during Musikfest (which I would pay top dollar to see) because they totally arrested 30 drug dealers who probably just want to clear up this whole “misunderstanding.”

Several of the nearly three dozen men arrested Wednesday on charges related to their alleged involvement in the Latin Kings street gang had a hand in some of the Lehigh Valley’s high-profile violent crimes.

WOAH, hold the phone! So you’re telling me that the guys involved in a huge drug ring ALSO did OTHER crime? THIS IS FUCKING INSANITY!

Neftali, “King Envy” Colon pleaded guilty to the 2004 murder of fellow gang member Eugene “Gee” Martinez Jr. Oscar “King Flip” Hernandez also pleaded guilty in Martinez’ death. Both men, now serving state prison sentences, are named in the federal indictment outlined by authorities Wednesday during a Bethlehem news conference.

So, instead of using middle names, like they do when someone gets arrested for a DUI, they use their nicknames? So, is this supposed to help out someone who’s reading the paper? 

“Hey, who the hell is Oscar Hernandez”

“King Flip stooopit!”

“Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Let me finish up this fine article and lets go to our full time jobs.”

“Ok.”

Luis “Groovy Lou” Rodriguez-Soto, another man named in the indictment, earlier this year pleaded guilty to a 2009 aggravated assault — stabbing a man in the throat — and was sent to state prison. Source

Seriously though, wouldn’t you want to see the Bethlehem Mounted Police get more horses and basically take care of ALL the crime in the city besides pulling over cars?

Open the door or we’re going to fucking break it down with our horse hooves!  

Bethlehem Golfer Makes TWO Holes in One

The odds of hitting two holes in one are 26-million-to-one; also akin to the following:

1. Making out with Miley Cyrus while Hannah Montana plays in the background.

2. Finding a parking spot at Musikfest near where anything is happening and then remembering where you parked.

3. Going to Dorney Park and not having to hear Spanish (it IS a lovely language, though.)

4. Liking any musical act that Croc Rock has brought in during the past five months.

5. Visiting Bangor and not contracting some form of STD.

Whatever you get the point.

Louis Oosthuizen, eat your heart out. Golf has a new superhero, and his name is Rich Schultz. 

The 58-year-old Schultz did the unthinkable this past Sunday during a routine round of golf with friends at the Bethlehem Golf Club in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Not only did the avid golfer shoot a career-low round of 3-under 68, Schultz capped the 18-hole outing with not one, but two hole-in-ones, an astronomically rare feat. 

How rare? According to U.S. Hole In One, a Bryn Mawr, Pa. company that insures hole-in-one contests, the odds of cupping two aces in a single round are 26,045,834-to-1. Yes, that much. 

As for Schultz, he bellied up to the Starters Clubhouse Grille with friends and watched his bar tab grow. 

“Sometimes, you get lucky,” said Schultz, who plays three times a week. “They say it’s better to be lucky than good.” 

Schultz landed the first ace on the 160-yard, par-3 14th hole, when his tee shot caromed left off a greenside bank and found the bottom of the cup. 

“After that one, I didn’t really go crazy,” Schultz said. It was the fifth hole-in-one of his career. 

His sixth – and second of the round – came later in the day on the 153-yard fourth hole. Schultz hit a 5-iron and watched his ball trickle in. His buddies went nuts. 

“That’s when they went a little crazy,” Schultz said. “They said they never witnessed anything like that. And they called me lucky.” 

Surprisingly, the double aces don’t top Schultz’s list of career gems. Just last week he made a double-eagle at the par-5 15th hole at the same course. 

“That shot was even more amazing than the others,” he said. Source

See, I wouldn’t WANT to have THAT good of luck because you know you’re never going to have anything remotely close to it ever again.

You will NEVER have anything like that ever ever happen. I mean I guess that’s good because you got to experience it, but from now on, anytime you play the lottery you’re going to lose. Oh, and even if you were to hit a big jackpot at the casino, it’s not like you can share your joy with your friends.. they are going to be like “oh, hey fuck you why don’t you let me have some fun in my life sometime.”

It’s a double edge sword those damn back to back hole in ones.

Wacker Won (Thank God That is Over) Now Onto Crazy People!

So, Wacker won the 2 Days in the Cube on Saturday and we were able to talk to him about it and realized that … you are all so sick of this by now that we didn’t want to really bore you anymore with his tales of how Stinky smelled like cottage cheese stuck in a garbage disposal drain for two weeks or how MoMo farted on Ted five times and it sounded like she was at the bottom of a mud puddle.

Check out the fun pics from this weekend.

And, if you want to ask Wacker about his whole ordeal, hit him up on Twitter or Facebook.

Hey, at least the kids got to visit the zoo this weekend.

Alas, this fantastic voyage has come to an end and you will all get the pleasure of coming to an as yet to be scheduled Lehigh Valley with Love party, as promised, during one of the weekends of Musikfest in Bethlehem. Children will be welcome, but aren’t allowed to speak.

So, now that this whole debacle is over, and we won him a FREAKING CAR, let’s get back to the news, shall we?

Why Wacker Deserves Your Vote Over These Other Punks

So, this weekend is the first real local “event” that we’ve “gotten behind” and, well, we’re going to make our choice, WACKER, come out in front and win this kinda ugly, but sporty, vehicle because, well, if he does we’re all getting to go to a Musikfest Party and drink.

I’m serious. Now, some of you may have voted, but you need to vote a TON, a lot more than you have. 

Did I mention there will be hot chicks at this party for the guys and Channing Tatum for the ladies?

Here are the other contestants and why you should vote for Wacker instead.

 Momo: She’s young, ambitious but could end up being too nice. I mean. Sure, she probably means really well and but, she just doesn’t have the what it may take to be completely ruthless and cutthroat. She’s a nice person! Wacker doesn’t seem to be. Trust me, we’ve instructed Wacker on what he needs to do inside this thing and the gloves are coming off. She also publicly admitted to voting for Big Deal at least a few times. Not smart.

Biggest Strength: Overall nice appeal

Biggest Weakness: Possibly too sheltered, too nice.

 Stinky: Well, she tries. Although she has said she hasn’t voted for herself since she deems it “cheating.” This, of course, means she has already lost. So, why waste a vote? It’s like voting for Nader.

Biggest Strength: Annoying as fuck.

Biggest Weakness: Not understanding the rules.

 Big Deal: Seems like a stand up guy with a good moral compass who could probably eat Wacker in one bite, however, when it comes down to sheer determination and desire to win, we just don’t see Big Deal being able to motivate himself enough to get the votes necessary to win.

Biggest Strength: “Everyman” quality.

Biggest Weakness: Possibly not motivated enough.

 Primer: This dude’s pretty witty, fun to be around and has done a lot in terms of promoting himself, however, when having to make a decision between him and Wacker, we’re going to have to go back to what we said initially: FREE MUSIKFEST PARTY. ‘nuff said.

Biggest Strength: Good promoter. Fun dude.

Biggest Weakness: Not Wacker.

 Wacker: We initially picked this dude because he got Larry Holmes’ endorsement. Then he went out and made a Facebook Page with his campaign people and went as far as to start an actual Wack the Vote promotion on both Facebook and Twitter. Other competitors then tried to copy it.

He also appeared on a local radio program.

He has children supporting him.

He wrote a freaking song about the Cube.

Someone else wrote a freaking song about him and the Cube.

He was featured in an Allentown Examiner article rehashing his favorite … albeit extremely girly… cocktail.

When it comes down to it, we want him to win because he’s putting in the effort, knows how to play the game and probably smells like Axe.

Stay tuned to Lehigh Valley with Love all weekend for updates from Mayfair, watch the live stream and visit LVwithLOVE on Twitter for instant updates.

Wacker’s gonna win because we need him to. For me, for you. Wack the Vote.

Text WACKER to 52270.

LVwithLOVE endorses WACKER for 2 Days in The Cube (VOTE and you Come to the Party)

So if you haven’t heard about 2 Days in the Cube at Mayfair, let me catch you up to date…

There will be a Nissan Cube at Mayfair, there will be five really somewhat unlucky contestants inside of it. The winner wins by amount of text message votes and either gets the car or gets $5,000 cash.

There are a few interesting contestants including two girls who are maybe makeoutable and one huge dude and a guy named Ted. That being said, we have some inside information…

Now, I don’t want to give you TOO much info on this since it doesn’t take place until May 29, however, I did want to make ONE annoucement.

After MUCH deliberation, Lehigh Valley with Love has decided to announce its support for one candidate: Wacker. 

Why this Wacker dude? Let’s just say he went out last night and got Larry Freaking Holmes to give him his endorsement and that’s enough for that. That’s right, he went to Larry Holmes’ place and got the Champ to endorse the future Champ.

TEXT VOTING STARTS MONDAY! We need your help to get Wacker the win for each and every one of us little people (Larry Holmes excluded.)

To read more about Wacker’s effort to win, go here and get on board with posts, videos, etc.

To vote for Wacker, starting May 17th, text “Wacker” to 52270.

VOTE EARLY AND OFTEN. Put it in your phone as a reminder. VOTE VOTE VOTE.

Here’s where it gets fun. IF YOU VOTE FOR OUR ENDORSED CONTESTANT “WACKER” AND IF HE WINS, you are invited to the Lehigh Valley with Love Musikfest Party in August at an undisclosed (until you make sure you voted) location.

We’ll have more updates on this whole ridiculous event later, however, our hat is in the ring for Wacker and his way too colorful shirts and really awkward profile photos.

Car on Roof, Run Away, Run Away to Save the Day

HEY KIDS! Did you know we’re sponsoring a dude for the 2 Days in the Cube thing they are doing at Mayfair? Well, we are. More details to come, but the whole deal is if you vote for him, you can totally come to a radical Musikfest party. If you don’t vote for him, then you can’t come. Pretty easy. We just like to promote our awesome friends and readers… (And the offer of free alcohol was enough for us to say yes)

Anyway, do you ever watch those shows on truTV where everyone is driving wildly away from the cops and they are throwing bags of cocaine out the window and their tires are fallling off and sparks are flying everywhere and some lady in the passenger seat is like “HOLY SHIT WTF IS GOING ON?” and the cops are like “STOP YOUR CAR OR WE ARE GOING TO USE A PIT MANEUVER” and then the guy finally stops after he hits a tree but then he gets out of the car and runs and runs until he finally gets tired because he’s already so fat and that’s the end?

So, if you know this is going to happen every time, why run in the first place? Now you have like two more years in jail. It’s not like cops aren’t KINDA smart, they will find you…

When Joseph O. Kacmarik, (I PRAY this is his Facebook Profile and they just spelled the name wrong) of the 200 block of Laurel Hill Road in Upper Mount Bethel Township, allegedly rolled his car while allegedly drunk about 7:30 p.m. April 27 on Turkey Ridge Road in the township, it wasn’t too tough to find him. He allegedly ran home, Pennsylvania State Police at Belfast report.

He will face DUI and other charges in District Judge Todd Strohe’s court, police said. Source

I guess if I had 50 warrants out for my arrest for other charges I would try and get away too… but not in any sort of major or minor city, they just have too many ways to follow you. They are like Predators with heat vision and shit, just give up.