Vote for Easton’s Farmer’s Market (what?)

So, Easton is apparently in the running to be first in the nation for something.

Noooo, it’s not “how many crimes can we fit in a box full of children”, it’s actually for America’s Favorite Farmer’s Market (no, really) and, you know what, eh, vote for them…

Easton is… a .. nice.. place… to…. do .. stuff… 

Whatever, if they can have at least one shining point to its otherwise checkered existence, then, let’s give it to them.

Easton Farmers’ Market is within only a few votes of being #1 in the small market category. It’s been back and forth with this Ohio marketfor the spot for the last week. Right now the vote tally is 1854 -1847… Ohio winning. From Laini’s Little Pocket Guide to Easton

GO HERE TO VOTE. As much as Easton is a little dingy city, it’s OUR LITTLE DINGY CITY! Ohio is suckier, they don’t even have Lebron anymore.

You get to go to a party TONIGHT if you vote. So, hey, why not?

Back to School! (Suckers)

Many kids are heading back to school today.

Ha.

Seriously though, kids have to stop and take more stock in how awesome school actually is.

As long as you don’t have a severe learning disability, like living in Easton, then you’re fine. Just apply yourself a bit and you’re going to be OK.

Besides, this is the first and last time in life that your responsibilities, although they seem pretty heavy now, aren’t that bad. You won’t be homeless if you fail one test. You’re not going to have your lights turned off if you skip class.

Well, maybe that’s not the case in all respects, but you get the point, enjoy it more than freak out about it because it’s only a matter of time until you were wishing you were back there.

Oh, and stop bitching about your buses, seriously.

Rather than see her granddaughter stand on Route 191, Gladys Smith’s husband drove the little girl to Washington Township Elementary School in the Slate Belt.

Smith, meanwhile, pushed to get the bus stop moved. Eventually, officials agreed to send a school van for the girl because school buses can’t traverse the rural road she lives on.

In Pennsylvania, school districts are legally required to provide transportation for students. Often, parents complain about how districts meet that requirement.

Bus stop location, length of bus ride and time of bus arrival are, perhaps, the three issues most commonly addressed in parent complaints.

“The logic and theory of school busing is to develop neighborhood stops that can best serve the neighborhood, realizing safety first and then efficiency,” Bethlehem Area School District Transportation Supervisor David Himmelberger said. Source

There were kids in my school district who LITERALLY were on the bus for two hours PER DAY. This is no exaggeration. And, you know what, that’s just how it was.

So, sorry if your grandkid is too much of a wuss to stand on 191. Tell her to get over it. 

Wait a minute, these buses can’t “traverse the rural roads”? Are you serious? Do you live on Mt. Vesuvius? I’m not buying this crap. Another case of someone just wanting to complain because … why not?

Gin Soaked Raisins Send Lady to Jail?

Despite all the crazy crap on the shelves at your local drug store, people still resort to home remedies to cure a lot of stuff.

I routinely drink Ginger Ale for every ailment I have. Sore tooth? Ginger Ale. Hernia? Ginger Ale. Broken Thumb? Ginger Ale. 

Works EVERY time*

However, if I were to try a home remedy that HAS been floating around in Internet culture, I think I would at least think about the ramification it could have on my probation.

An Easton woman says she flunked a court-ordered urine test not because she was drinking but because she was eating gin-soaked raisins to ease her arthritis pain.

Judy Russo, 59, of Easton filed a motion Monday in Northampton County Court to have her incarceration changed back to probation because she argues she did not violate her probation by drinking, but instead ate gin-soaked raisins to treat the arthritis that has wracked her body.

Russo pleaded no contest to a stalking charge in February and was given three years’ probation by Judge Leonard Zito on the condition that she remain alcohol- and drug-free. She was returned to prison by Zito earlier this month after her drug test showed the presence of alcohol.

“Ms. Russo suffers from migrating arthritis that she is unable to treat with conventional medicine,” wrote her attorney, Jason Jenkins. “The defendant acknowledges that she had consumed gin-soaked raisins.”

Jenkins said Russo used the home remedy because she had heard it from longtime radio personality, Paul Harvey, who died in February. He says Russo’s arthritis and lung cancer cannot be adequately treated in prison. Source

Quality defense. However, given that she was charged with STALKING and not some lower tier DUI, I have a feeling this lady is a few grapes short of the wrath.

Honestly, you can’t drink, don’t drink alcohol. Don’t take cough syrup, etc. It’s not that complicated.

However, I have now been introduced to an awesome new way to eat raisins. Thank you!

Teens and Adults in Forks at Odds!!

Here’s the quick round up. Forks Township is outside of Easton. Sludge People from New York and New Jersey moved there into one of those fake suburban communities that used to be farmland.

After awhile, that community becomes a real community that includes teenagers staying up late at night and … holy crap, talking and stuff outside ON THE STREET.

Well, needless to say, the powers that be don’t like this because, well, they have been watching too much “Gangland” on the History Channel and think that these kids are going to start “doing drivebys” and “getting all loco on their asses.”

But unlike the rest of Forks Township, a couple of thousand people live on just a handful of blocks in Penn’s Ridge, which sits densely atop a hill overlooking the sprawling homes and manicured lawns often associated with the suburbs.

The townhouses and apartments of this community are only a decade old. Many residents who live in them moved from urban areas in New Jersey and New York, looking for a busy but safe neighborhood in a community they could afford.

The divide in Penn’s Ridge emerged last month when a handful of neighbors attended a supervisors meeting, complaining about noisy packs of teenagers who were hanging out in the streets, cursing and engaging in “sexual behavior.” One resident said Penn’s Ridge felt more like Newark, N.J.

“We want to live in a nice area,” Heber Gordills of Chestnut Lane told the supervisors. He and several other residents, some of whom have young children, said they are afraid to go outside after dark, and are worried the community is tilting toward trouble.

You COULD be living in Easton, shut up.

His words and others stung some in the community, especially kids, who all know each other, even though many of the adults do not. About 30 gathered at the neighborhood’s new park recently, circling on bikes and chit-chatting in groups, hoping to scrub clean their dirty image.

You COULD be living in Easton, shut up.

“Us teenagers shouldn’t be labeled by what the parents say,” said Kayla Martinez, 12, standing with four of her girlfriends.

Wow, there are some YOUNG lesbians in Forks Township.

This is one of those “just shut up” situations. Honestly, this is ALLL about the parents. If you are doing well enough to live in one of these communities then your kids (the kids who are causing the trouble) are economically dependent enough that you hold power over them.

They will TOTALLY be affected if you take shit away like their Xbox or their bike or their makeup.

It could be worse; you could live in Easton and your kids would just shoot you.

Just sayin’ 

Also, old people have to shut up. Life is unpredictable. The more you try to make it predictable the more you’re going to be shaken up with someone happens. Just Tyler Durden this situation. 

Former Easton Hubcap Store to be Demolished? Say It Ain’t So!

Awwww, we’ve talked about Hubcap John in the past, in this .. hmm… badly formatted article, when Easton was all up in his hubcap shit.

If you’re not aware, on the side of 22, right before you are heading into or out of New “fistpump” Jersey there is the three story (?) former hubcap building replete with any sort of value other than garbage and .. well… hubcaps.

So, Easton, being the progressive city that it is, wants to demolish it make way for … crack houses or something, whatever downtown thrives on.

Oh, Lafayette bought it, I forgot, so it’s going to be a place for rich New Jersey kids to have sex. Great.

Come Monday, the former Hubcap and Wheel Store off Route 22’s Fourth Street exit in Easton will be no more. Crews are scheduled to demolish the structure next week.

City officials spent years pressuring the  former owner, John Sefcik, to clean up the property, which is an eyesore. Lafayette College in November finalized the property’s purchase, but not before wrangling with Sefcik over his failure to empty the structure in a timely manner.

“It’s an opportunity to make the city’s entrance look nicer; it was well worth the wait,”Easton Mayor Sal Panto Jr. said.

The building’s windows have been removed, the property has been lined with a temporary fence and a garbage container marked “Empire Wrecking” sits empty in preparation for the demolition.

Sefcik’s son, Shawn, meanwhile is preparing to open another hubcap store that straddles West Easton and Easton at 42 Adamson St. The 76,000-square-foot structure is so large, Shawn Sefcik said, that there will be no need to store hubcaps outside. Source

OOOOH, just what we all need, ANOTHER new and IMPROVED Hubcap store! Yes.

However, I would like to be there for this demolition. For once, explosions downtown won’t be attributed to gunfire in downtown Easton. For once.

Read This and Then Stop Acting Like You Have Issues

One of my pet peeves, besides having pet peeves, is taking things for granted.

People do it every day, every second of every day. People bitch about people taking too long at a fast food line. People bitch about their coffee being too hot or too cold. People bitch about other people bitching.

Don’t get me wrong, I bitch too and take shit for granted, but at least have a silly band that I snap to my wrist every time I do. Well that and the whole flagellation issue.

So, here you go kiddos, stop acting like you have problems. 

A 20-year-old Bethlehem man allegedly forced the mother of his son to stay at his city home from Friday to Monday morning.

Sheldon Eugene Hottenstein, of the 2100 block of Easton Avenue, hit Theresa Defeo with a broom, pushed her around and fed her only a Slim Jim and iced tea in the three days he detained her, police allege.

I hope it was at least a nacho flavored Slim Jim, those are the best, wayyy better than original flavored Slim Jims and the Tabasco bullshit ones they have, don’t even waste your time. Iced tea though, nice touch Sheldon.

The former couple have a 2-year-old son, police said, and Hottenstein allegedly lured Defeo, of Albrightsville, to Bethlehem by telling her he bought diapers and had money for the boy.

She was so hard up that he knew that he could get her there by offering the bare essentials to keep their child comfortable and clean. Think about that shit while you sip your latte.

Defeo also allegedly vandalized Defeo’s car and told her, when she finally found his cell phone and called her mother on Monday, “If she calls the cops, I’m getting the Latin Kings involved. I’m going to hurt her more.”

TYPO !!!! That first “Defeo” is supposed to read “Hottenstein.” Just sayin. And don’t worry, Theresa, all the Latin Kings are in jail… um wait…

Hottenstein was charged with simple assault, false imprisonment, criminal mischief and harassment. He was sent to Northampton County Prison in lieu of $15,000 bail. Source

Now let’s all talk about how this is so unfortunate and how this woman should get some help or how she brought it upon herself or how this and that and this since we don’t really know anything….

Man I want to snap into a Slim Jim.

Lesson to Would Be Criminals: Get Your Car Inspected

Cops aren’t totally stupid. They know that they can’t stop you just because you’re a minority, they have to look for something to be wrong with your car and THEN they can stop you for being a minority.

For example, if your window is cracked they can pull you over and determine “Eh, it’s not THAT bad of a crack but hey what is that CRACK doing under your passenger seat?” 

(See what I did there?)

Nazareth police arrested three men and seized heroin, cocaine, a .45-caliber pistol and more than $400 Thursday during a search of a vehicle that had expired registration.

At 5:19 p.m., an officer saw Kyle P. Frazier, 26, (FACEBOOK PROFILE) of the 700 block of Columbus Avenue, Phillipsburg, park a 2009 Subaru Impreza in the first block of East Prospect Street. He and his passengers, Kyle A. Rivera, 24, of the 200 block of Mercer Street, Phillipsburg, and Jared R. Rivera, 20, of the 100 block of Chambers Street, Phillipsburg, got out of the car, but police stopped them to request identification.

A registration check revealed the car was owned by a company, not any of the three men, according to a news release. Police say they saw a handgun under the passenger seat of the car and 65 bags of heroin, 4 grams of cocaine and extra plastic bags in the driver side door. None of the men had a valid permit to carry a concealed weapon or owned any firearms, police say.

The men told police they were at the home to visit a friend named Kyle, but officers did not find anyone home, according to the news release. Source

Ugh, again, people, keep your Facebook profiles locked down. Wait, THAT’S MY IPHONE YOU STOLE IT!.

Anyway, um… yeah. Sooooo……. does anyone know how to properly deal drugs anymore? This is ridiculous.

Well, at least Kyle Frazier has his shit together:

Education and Work College 

University Of Phoenix ‘10 Psychology

High School Philllipsburg High School 

Employer: K-O Entertainment

Position: K-O Im the owner

Location: Easton, PA

Description: Studio

That’s right, a degree in Psychology from the University of Phoenix

Crazy Bethlehem Woman Escapes And Stuff…

So, again, sorry for being all MIA last week, but shit happens and you’re going to have to deal with it.

ANYWAY, I totally was not aware of this crazy awesome woman(?) who keeps escaping from the police only to get caught again. It’s a shame, really, because I would TOTALLY date her.

Well, not date her… I mean, I’d play video games with her… that’s about it. We certainly wouldn’t share a tub of ice cream.

The charges keep piling up for Krystal Rae Gottshall (FACEBOOK PROFILE), the Bethlehem woman who escaped from Easton police officer Vince Bruneo while awaiting arraignment for theft charges Thursday.

After three days on the lam, police caught up with Gottshall on Sunday but she made one last attempt to flee when she slipped off her handcuffs and was able to open the back of a squad car.

This trip lasted only 25 yards, however, as she was quickly apprehended and placed in leg shackles to prevent further attempts at freedom.

“We know how she got out of the car,” Capt. Michael Vangelo said Monday.

Records indicate that Gottshall asked police officer Tom Bittel to lower the window because of the heat and she was able to unlock the car from the outside after slipping out of her right handcuff.

In addition to the original theft charge, Gottshall was also arraigned separately on two escape charges and possession of drug paraphernalia after police found two crack pipes and two injection needles, records say. Source

I’m glad we have Capt. Vangelo on the case to explain to the public that they are aware that this girl opened the door…

TWO crack pipes? Did she have a back up?

Apparently she escaped during a hearing or whatever and then was on the lam for a bit and apparently was all ready to live a life on the run.

A life on the run only works if you’re like, Michael Landon or something. Wasn’t he running from the devil?

WE ARE BACK! (Easton Remains the Same)

I apologize for the lengthy downtime, let’s just say the clinic isn’t giving out the best antibiotics anymore. If you know what I’m saying.

Speaking of antibiotics… Easton!

Two men were charged with open lewdness over the weekend in two separate incidents in Easton.

On Saturday, police were called at 6:18 a.m. to the first block of North Union Street for a report of a man exposing himself. Officers found Levi Hankerson, 45, of the 100 block of Rock Street in the city, walking in the 500 block of Pine Street, according to a news release.

Hankerson allegedly had a small amount of methamphetamine and drug paraphernalia. He was charged with possession of methamphetamine and open lewdness.

On Sunday, police received a report at 7:13 a.m. of a naked man masturbating at 10th and Northampton streets. Police say they found John Gardner, 61, sitting on the steps of Noto’s Deli, near a pool of urine. Source

Jesus H. Christ why am I not invited to these parties?

Seriously, if you’re masturbating in your own pool of urine, it’s high time you started thinking about joining a traveling carnival of fucking awesome.

Ready For Some Puns? Some COCAINE PUNS?

So, there were a few guys from Easton who really needed to put their cocaine on ice.

The three guys didn’t want to have the cops freeze up their operation, so they figured they could keep the cops away and keep their drug business running as cool as a cucumber.

Unfortunately, they slipped up and cops were able to nail them stone cold.

According to court papers, three Easton men, Peter Angel Velez, 30, Stewart Fredericks (FACEBOOK PROFILE), 31, and Willie Drummond, 23, all of the 200 block of West St. Joseph Street, stored 10 small bags of cocaine in their refrigerator’s freezer.

State parole officers discovered the ice-cold cocaine during a routine check of Fredericks’ residence Tuesday, police allege, and since the drugs were in a common area, all three men who reside there were charged. Source

Poor guys, now they are going to have to be put on… ok this sucks, there aren’t a lot of puns about ice or being cool. Like, they are all a variation of the same pun. Whatever.

JD Malone, of the Express-Times, is my new favorite local reporter because I think he thinks what I think he’d just get fired if he wrote it. So here’s to JD!

Easton Hits New High! (That Means Low. Kids With Shotguns.)

Easton needs a new motto.

“Easton, the City That God Pooped On.”

No. “Easton. Your Children Need to Be Leashed.”

Meh. “Easton. We Totally Used to Have Businesses Downtown.”

Hmmm. “Easton. Moving Targets Are More Difficult to Shoot. Drive Fast.”

Or. “Easton. Yes. We Have a Centre Square.”

Nah. “Easton. Seriously. Parents Here Interchange Shotguns and Children.”

A 23-year-old Easton man faces charges after he allegedly allowed two children to handle a long barreled shotgun and ammunition, police said.

Asad Gul, 23, who police said has addresses in Easton and Piscataway, N.J., was arrested following a 2:30 a.m. traffic stop on North Ninth Street for having an expired registration, police said.

When police approached the car, they saw Gul along with two children, one in the passenger’s seat and one in the back, police said. The child in the back seat was allegedly trying to hide the shotgun, while the child in the front allegedly had ammunition to the gun, police said.

Police did not provide ages or hometowns for the children. They face charges through Northampton County Juvenile Probation, police said. Source

For SERIOUS!??!?!

Ok, enough with the Easton defending.

It’s like this. If you’re on this ship that USED to be so freaking awesome and sweet and crap, but now it’s overrun by some crazy pirates who also give their kid pirates shotguns and they ride their bicycles all over the first class deck, wouldn’t you wanna get on a different ship? I mean, even if the galley is still nice, wouldn’t you be looking for a tugboat?

I’m not saying. I’m just sayin’.

Which Borough is the Lehigh Valley’s Best Borough?

Since Emmaus has knee-jerked its way out of being the coolest and best borough in the Lehigh Valley, I hearby open up the “Best Borough of the Lehigh Valley” contest in which Lehigh Valley with Love will determine which borough is the coolest and most awesome, mostly through completely arbitrary means.

So, let’s go in alphabetical any freaking order 

Lehigh County

1. Slatington: Hmm, no. This place, for some reason, reminds me of an old crappy bridge over an old crappy river. Also, it reminds me of people who are just figuring out how to get on the Internet. So, sorry, maybe next millenium.

2. Schnecksville: Eh, I guess it’s not awful, but what do you have? KidsPeace? That’s a great cornerstone on which to build your community. I guess there are a few bars up there, but the people are still a bit too hickish to get into the awesome cool spot…

3. Whitehall: Whitehall is basically just one big strip mall. So, no.

4. Macungie: Close to Emmaus in every sort of respect except for a cool business like Rodale to rally around. It’s KINDA far away, but just close enough that you can drunk drive home from Allentown. This gets a few cred points. It’s also cozy. The local government is absolutely NUTS, however, and may eventually cede from the union.

5. Alburtis: Even FURTHER away than Macungie; it may as well be Pluto. Nothing happens there, which … is good. But, bad for this purpose.

6. Coopersburg: Oh the COOP! Now, I know a lot of people who are FROM here who now live in other areas. That’s a red flag. Sorry.

7. Fountain Hill: Do NOT sleep here. You will get raped or maybe knifed. Where is this fountain anyway?

8. Coplay: Coldplay? Honestly, always thought it was pronounced “CO-PLAY” but it is actually “COP-LY” … STOO-PID

9. North Catasauqua: What’s north of Catasauqua? Apparently this sad, sad borough.

Northampton County

1. Walnutport: Eh, what? When is the LAST TIME you were in Walnutport? I rest my case.

2. Northampton: Eh. SOOOO close to almost being cool except for the fact that all the kids beat each other up and they have lots of drugs. Oh, and … well, there is way too much industry to be hip. It’s good and all, but it’s still backwoods in that cool sorta pick up truck kinda way. Northampton is the buddy you love to drink with, just not talk politics with.

3. Catasauqua: Immediately loses points for being the hardest borough name to spell in Pennsylvania. Also has lots of houses that look as they they could fall over. Just sayin’.

4. Chapman: Oh, yeah! You didn’t even know it was a borough, did you? 234 people?!?!?!?!?!?!?! This has a high potential. UGH, the kids who live here go to Northampton.. crap.

5. Wilson: Easton’s little retarded brother. No thanks.

6. Glendon: Wayyyy to far removed from the rest of the area in terms of geography and substance. I feel as though some of the people who live here don’t leave the borough. Ever.

7. West Easton: What’s the point?

8. Stockertown: Boring, but apparently has some decent outdoorsy stuff you can do (scroll to the bottom newbies).

9. Tatamy!!!!!: 934 people! Kids go to Nazareth! Has a large median income. It’s close to Easton, but we may be able to overlook that. 

10. Wind Gap: Hahahahahaha. Wind Gap reminds me of fast food joints. Not exactly the first place I’d want to start touting as representative of the Valley.

11. Pen Argyl: Really? REALLY? They have a landfill. Or something.

12. Bangor: But I hardly know her.

13. Portland: When it flooded here in like 2004 I went up to cover it and it was the first real time I was in the borough. It’s quiet, it overlooks the Delaware River. The store fronts are super quaint. The neighborhoods nestle into the woods off the streets…

Only problem is it’s just SOOOOO far from ANNNYTHING. It’s barely in the state let alone the Lehigh Valley.

14. Nazareth: Hasn’t gotten any better or done anything more than it “needs” to lately. I mean, if you have Martin Guitar, I guess you don’t have to try hard to be cool.

15. Bath: Besides having a cool name, it does have a neat downtown and there is some sort of strip club (the fox?) that is down there. This COULD be a frontrunner due to the fact that it has the infrastructure to have a rebirth….. hmmm

16. Hellertown: (Sorry, I kept you off the list.) I do like Hellertown and you DO have a cool cavern. The only thing that really keeps Hellertown from being more awesome and a destination, especially for the party crowd on the weekends, is that the cops think they are the Gestapo. Never drive through that town. EVER. (This isn’t from personal experience either, just countless people telling me so.)

17. East Bangor: Sounds like a sexual position.

18. Roseto: If you have never been here, it’s worth it to go. It’s almost like a museum and it’s strange how, being in the middle of kinda nowhere, all the houses in the borough are squished together. However, I have been told this may be the best place to eat pasta… EVER.

This whole community, however, is VERY tight knit, making it a touch awkward for an outsider…

Ok, so I don’t know which one to pick. Help me decide.

Easton Area School District Cuts 1 Bazillion Jobs

With Easton cutting like 72 more jobs yesterday, you might as well move your kid to Wilson, at least they will have classes.

I get that there are a million things here behind the scenes, etc. but what are all those girls with elementary education degrees going to do now? Work at Baby Gap? C’mon.

Outraged Easton Area Education Association President Kevin Deely vowed that the teachers were done cooperating with the school district after the school board voted 5-3 to eliminate 72 of its members as part of the 2010-11 budget.
“This is disgusting!” Deely said. “We have worked countless hours trying to find ways to save this district money, and this is the best you can do? Cut 72 teachers?”

Many were shocked because Deely had expressed optimism that the positions could be saved following a meeting with administrators during which he suggested $3 million to $5 million in concessions.

Superintendent Susan McGinley noted that the board has demonstrated a reluctance to dip into reserve funds with a looming state pension crisis. Board member Kerry Myers pointed out that the EAEA had not voted to accept the concessions. Source

This is going to not end well. This is not going to end well? Not well, this will end.

One of those.

Seventy-two jobs is a lot, I don’t care if you’re the crappiest school district around or not, that’s a bunch of people on the street who don’t know how to do much other than follow lesson plans from the teacher’s edition.

I always loved looking at the teacher’s edition and being like “really? so NOTHING you’ve been teaching us has been your idea? Ugh.”

Bank Robber Caught … ugh… Red Handed?

So, I have to apologize. I have had a few technical issues in the last two days (read: Trojan Virus on awful computer that is being stolen to write this crappy blog) and this is the best I can do until I un-Trojan it.

Which reminds me, isn’t “Trojan Condoms” the best name of any product/corporation ever? I mean, they are basically saying “We’re going to cover your penis in something that is going to fool a girl to have you do her.” That’s just GENIUS.

Ok, moving on. If you’re a bank robber. HIDE THE MONEY YOU JUST STOLE. JESUS.

Forks Township police have charged a Lehigh Township man with holding up a KNBT branch at gunpoint Thursday evening.

Michael Beaman, no age given, of the 3800 block of Apple Road, was arrested in Easton shortly after the 6 p.m. robbery at the bank at 2000 Sullivan Trail. Police, armed with a description bank employees provided, saw Beaman’s green 1998 Pontiac Grand Am, and stopped him at Lafayette and George streets in the city.

When officers peered into Beaman’s car, they saw a white sack stuffed with cash and a handgun that had been tossed on the passenger-side floor, according to a news release. Police escorted bank employees to Beaman’s car, and they identified him as the robber.

Police obtained a search warrant for the car and seized $12,337 — $2 less than what the bank audit revealed had been stolen — and the gun, which turned out to be a pellet gun. Source

You couldn’t even put it in your glove box? SERIOUSLY? Criminals would be so much better at being criminals if they just followed through.

I understand that usually “determination and persistance” are not the hallmarks of “reasons I became a criminal” however, you may want to have like ONE of them brushed up before you think you’re home free.

In other news, again, apologies for sparse updates until I am able to fix this Greek problem on my computer.

EXPECT A SONGS FOR THE SPILL POST BECAUSE IT’S GOING TO BE THE BEST THING YOU’VE EVER DONE WITH YOUR LIFE.

SONGS FOR THE SPILL IS TOMORROW FROM 11 A.M TO 11 P.M. AT 1 W. BROAD STREET IN BETHELEHEM. RAR. YAY. OTHER NOISES.

Bethlehem Teacher Sleazeballs His Way Out of a Career

I knew a few of my friends who ended up teaching high school right out of college at the age of like 22 or 23 or even 21 and I was like “Wow, I’d be arrested before the first report cards went out.”

I mean, the girls in these classes (some of them) are 18 years old. That’s legal. And if you teach in Easton you can even go as low as like 14 (they have the same laws as Alabama, right?)

So, needless to say, I was very happy I never had to teach. Although, the three free months of vacation they bitch about all the time would have been nice…

Michael G. Salsovic, (FACEBOOK PROFILE? Facebook Profile?) a formerBethlehem Area School Districtteacher accused of behaving inappropriately with female students, will never teach in the state again.

A former special education teacher atLiberty High School, Salsovic was accused of arranging to meet a student outside of school for sex.

Salsovic, who taught at the district for three years, also faced allegations he sent inappropriate text messages to female students and stored a nude photo of a student in his cell phone, according to the Pennsylvania Department of Education.

Salsovic, whose teaching certification has been revoked, did not respond to a phone message for comment this morning.

Salsovic resigned in May 2009, around the time school district officials started confronting him about the allegations, Acting Superintendent Thomas E. Persing said.

“He resigned from the school district immediately when he was pressed about his conduct,” said Persing, who was not superintendent at the time. ”He got out of here rather fast, as I understand it.”

The state has revoked his teaching certification, but Salsovic will not face criminal charges. Bethlehem Police Lt. Mark DiLuzio said the department reviewed the matter, but that it was ultimately resolved at the school district level.

“It didn’t rise to the level of criminal activity, so we didn’t handle it,” said DiLuzio, who did not know the ages of the female students involved in the allegations.

During the 2008-09 school year, Salsovic arranged to meet a student outside of school for sex, and asked her to wear a mini-skirt so he could “peek” up it, according to recently released PDE documents.

He also allegedly asked a female student to send nude photos of herself to him; talked to one female student about her sexuality and her relationship with other females; and placed his hand on a female student’s thigh, according to the state.

Salsovic occasionally discussed female students in front of other students, according to state documents.

After viewing a nude photograph of a student on a cell phone belonging to another student, Salsovic remarked she was “hot” and expressed interest in having sex with her, according to the documents.

In another instance, he asked a female student to write on the board, then let the boys in class comment on her buttocks as she wrote, according to the PDE.

Salsovic earned an annual $42,599 in the 2008-09 school year, according to the state. Source

They fail to mention he also got free vacation every year. Jerks.

Anyhoo, see? This is why some people cannot teach. It’s not THAT easy to keep yourself from succumbing to the teenage female form. You have to have some fortitude and this guy clearly just went over the edge.

There had to be times he was like “WOW, this is so wrong,” and just clearly stepped on by it.

I’m not sure on that Facebook profile page, btw, so if you can confirm it or tell me it’s wrong, that’d be great.