Moravian Cuts Lacrosse, Off-Campus Housing

When you’re a freshman at college you have to live in a dorm, this is pretty standard. After that, if you’re lucky, you can move your way up to some sort of suite, etc. Then, in your junior or senior year you can even live off campus with a bunch of dirty drunk guy friends of yours or spend time menstruating at the same time as seven other of your girlfriends.

Oh, and at college you can also participate in lacrosse, a great sport brought to us by the all the Native Americans we killed.

But, not at Moravian anymore..

For college student Bryan White, of Nazareth, living off campus is a rite of passage.

Unfortunately for him, it’s a rite he won’t experience at Moravian College. Next fall, all of the school’s students, excluding commuters, must live on campus.

College President Christopher M. Thomforde met with students Tuesday to announce that neither juniors nor seniors would be permitted to apply for off-campus housing in the future.

“It is really unfair for us as students,”said White, a 20-year-old junior. “We came here looking forward to living off campus.”

The policy change is intended to helpMoravian house 85 percent of its student body on campus by 2012. Reducing the number of students who live off campus is a recommendation outlined in the school’s 2006 “DREAM Commission” report.

Currently only about 85 Moravian students live off campus. Another 1,100 students live in college housing.

Last year, Moravian finished work on a 240-bed dormitory — the Hurd Integrated Living and Learning (HILL) Community. The completion moved the college closer to becoming a residential school.

Moravian junior Ellen Williams said she’d planned to live off campus and save money. Renting would have cost her about $5,200 including utilities, compared to $4,895 to $6,562 for Moravian housing.

“Students’ rights, opinions and thoughts were not put into any consideration in all of this,” said Williams.

Also announced recently are Moravian’s plans to end its men’s andwomen’s lacrosse programs. Source

Besides the awesome fun of living with other college students who don’t bathe much and leave pizza all over the place, the real reason you get off campus housing is to 1. state your independence just a bit and 2. get away from the raping the college does in the form of housing.

I understand that the college is in a bind just like any other “corporation” is and this is a good way to make sure that every student being schooled there is paying their dues…

But, cmon, don’t be such a dick. You’re a small college and your housing can be crammed and sub-par, it’s almost a courtesy to allow students to live off campus.

Well, hey, look at it this way, at least you can still pretend you go to Lehigh.

Man Steals Women’s Razors and .. a Pear? (Also, Nic Cage Sucks)

So, I hate Nic Cage. Honestly, I think he is the worst actor to ever become famous. He’s just awful. I can’t watch Ghost Rider without once getting up and going to the bathroom to puke. Then I go back in and am compelled to stab my eyeballs with sharpened chop sticks.

I don’t get it. Isn’t America kinda based on how good you are? HE’S AWFUL!!! Channing Tatum could out act this buffoon, yet he continues to show up in movie after movie… what . the. fuck.

Despite all of his faults (NEXT, CON AIR, FACE/OFF, GHOST RIDER, etc. ad nauseam,) he did have ONE good line ever…

“I could eat a peach for hours”

Apparently, so could this guy…

A Bethlehem Township man allegedly had heroin on him after he was stopped for trying to steal women’s razors and a pear Friday afternoon from Ahart’s Market. Michael Wodyka, (Could be his Facebook Page) 22, of Regal Road, was charged with theft and drug possession. Source

So, yeah. I have no idea what you’d want to do with both of those items unless:

1. You are obviously mentally ill.
2. You’re really drunk.
3. You plan on shaving a peach then eating it.
4. You have watched too many Nic Cage movies.

The Most Famous People Who Live in the Lehigh Valley

So, the Lehigh Valley is a nice place. If you don’t live in the middle of Easton or Allentown, it’s a good place to raise a family and send them to school. It’s a nice place to go to college. You can even make some money here depending on what you do.

There isn’t much of an entertaining nightlife unless you REALLY enjoy just getting wasted or going to strip clubs that are stocked with heroin addicts.

HOWEVER, regardless of any pitfalls, the Lehigh Valley still is home to some famous people.. and by home I mean, they live here currently and not in L.A. or NYC or Tulsa.

See, Johnathan Taylor Thomas (or JAY T T as I call him) over there was BORN here, but he doesn’t live here anymore.

Fame Factor will be counted in hearts with four hearts meaning that they are super duper famous in the Lehigh Valley and everywhere else and one meaning that they are only famous in the Lehigh Valley.

So, I guess this is in no particular order let’s start with….

Tom Ring

Relatively new on the “I know THAT GUY” fame, Ring does something at Brown Daub Kia. What he’s famous for, however, is being a general oddball who pops up on your radio station every FIFTEEN seconds saying “Everybody Drives.”

This guy is just freakin’ EVERYWHERE. He has absolutely no shame (good thing.) And, to be honest, I think he’s great. Heprobably sells a boatload of cars and gets to act like a moron while doing it.

He also gets to go to work and be like “So, I was thinking of a new ad campaign. If you can’t get a car here I’m going to tell people I’ll kiss their mother-in-law!!! Get it?!?!? NO ONE LIKES THEIR MOTHER-IN-LAW HAR HAR HAR HAR!!!

He also gets to scream and yell a ton.

Fame Factor: 1 Heart. Yeah, he’s everywhere, but it’s only in the valley.

Ed Hanna

WFMZ Channel 69’s (really? 69? ugh) perennial happy dude who makes you actually enjoy watching the weather. I don’t know if it’s because he resembles a really large teddy bear or that he just doesn’t seem to have a malicious bone in his body, but he just seems like someone you’d want to be around.

He’s probably a mean drunk, though… I’m just guessing. No one can be THAT happy and perky all the time and not have some sort of inner demon.

Hope your arm heals up, Ed!

Fame Factor: 1  I’m sure that he’s known in the meteorology “circles” outside of the area, but if he stepped foot in Lancaster no one would look at him twice. However, if I saw him at Wegman’s I’d totally flip out!

John Callahan

Bethlehem’s Mayor and congressional hopeful (against Charlie Dent who, arguably is more “famous” than Callahan, but he’s a bit more boring so i didn’t list him), Callahan has brought Bethlehem back! Well, his predecessor Don Cunningham did his share too, but Callahan had his hands in the Casino and tons of money coming into the city, which is good for property owners.

His boyish good looks and frequent rumors about his womanizing make him an awesome mayor because you can either love this guy or love to hate him because he made out with your girlfriend in the bathroom at the Apollo Grille.

He’s also well-known as Johnny Casino!

I like Johnny Casino much more than boring John Callahan, don’t you?

I’m not saying, I’m jussayin.

Fame Factor: 2 Hearts.  Definitely known outside of the area, but more in the political realm. Not many people in Gettysburg, Pa. even know where Bethlehem, Pa. is, but man, he’s just sooooooo gooood looooking.

I love seeing him out and about, too. Makes me feel like I’m helping out my city or something.. I dunno.

Chuck Bednarik

Old crotchety Bednarik lives in Coopersburg and kinda hates the Philadelphia Eagles even though he’s the most famous Eagle if (you’re over the age of 65) that ever lived.

I’m sure that Chuck spends his time just basically being a dick. I mean, I would. He’s from that generation. You’re SUPPOSED to drink a lot of whiskey and watch as your wife makes you ham sandwhiches and hit your kids. I’m not saying he does any of these things, but  he should. Also, I bet he was a kick ass / awful dad. Like, you know he had to be hard on his kids being that he was basically a gladiator and played with broken bones and shit all the time…. but then he probably would beat the hell out of your for anything “pussy like” you did like not beat up everyone in school or something…

Fame Factor: 3 Hearts.  Unless you know football, you don’t know Bednarik. But, if you do know football, then you know Bednarik. You do the math.

Mario / Michael / The Young one Andretti

O heeerrre we go. Now we’re talking about the big boys. I’ve already written about the day that Mario Andretti tried to kill me, so I won’t go over it, but yeah, I kinda hold a grudge against this dude. He seems so fucking smug. So what, you can drive a fucking car! CAN YOU RIDE A POGO STICK? Didn’t think so Mario, didn’t think so. Go save the princess…

Anyway, the Andrettis, including the young dude who currently drives who I couldn’t care less about until he wins The Indy 500, are world known and MAYBE deserving of being the most famous people currently living in the Valley (albeit probably not full time.)

What a life this guy has. Think about it. He gets to drive fast cars, wins shit, gets tons of money, probably gets a banging hot girl, has some kids, retires and now gets to ride around on four wheelers all day.

What would he have done if Ford didn’t create the T-Model? Hmmmm???? Then what Mario? WHAT WOULD YOU BE NOW?

Fame Factor:4 Hearts. I would say they probably peaked in the 1980s with EVERYONE knowing the name “Andretti,” but I would hasten to say that their fame has waned in recent years, most people probably still know the name, but I wonder if they could put it to a face?

Larry Holmes

Ohhhhh Larry Holmes. Now this guy. This guy? He’s just the guy. Fights for the World Heavyweight Championship of the world and trains in EASTON, PA!!! Stays in Easton, Pa after making bazillions of dollars!!! He fought Muhammad Ali, no, he BEAT MUHAMMAD ALI, and he decided to STAY IN EASTON, PA.

That’s like Derek Jeter living in Fort Indiantown Gap and traveling to NYC just to play games. I mean…

Easton? You have to get skill points just for living there. Holmes was immediately better than every opponent just because his body was so used to drinking Easton water and breathing Easton air. As soon as he was somewhere non-toxic, like Africa, he would be like Superman under Earth’s bright yellow sun!!!!

Holmes has a nice house in Palmer, I think that’s where it is, I’ve seen it. It’s like a compound. But, to his credit, he’s given tons of money to the city and has donated to youths and blah blah blah. I just want him to have a George Foreman Grill or something.

The Larry Holmes Easton, Pa Bullet-Proof Vest.

Fame Factor:4 Hearts.  I don’t care if 14 year old girls don’t know who Larry Holmes is. If you can still wear purple suits in public and no one 1. makes fun of you or 2. tells you that maybe you shouldn’t do that, then you are awesome in my book.

Anyone I missed? Feel free to comment. Remember, they have to LIVE here NOW.

***UPDATE Darryl Dawkins!!!

So, this was up for like 10 seconds before I started getting ripped for not putting Darryl Dawkins on the list. Well, I just wasn’t sure if he still lived here or if he moved or whatever.

Apparently, “Chocolate Thunder” is now the coach of the esteemed LCCC Basketball Team, which is probably the best coaching job a former NBA star could ever hope to want.

Besides that, this is a giant man and I met him once, actually. No, that is not me in the picture, it’s my buddy who went there to take photos and Dawkins almost mistook him for an M&M and ate him…

Anyway, I was covering an event at an elementary school where he came in and played the entire school of kids in a game of basketball. Was pretty glorious!

DARRYL! If you read this, totally e-mail me cause I WOULD LOVE to go out on the town with you one night. PLEASE? I’ll donate money to charity!

A Saturday of Terror at Aladdin and Brew Works (And Swords and Drunken Men)

I’m not sure if there is going to be a police report filed on this event since I don’t know if this dude was arrested, but, I’m going to tell the story anyway.

So, on Saturday I went out with a few friends for a going away party for a friend of mine who is going to Costa Rica for a few months to scuba dive and basically be a bum. We went to the Aladdin in Allentown which, while small, is full of ladies giving belly dances and some pretty interesting atmosphere.

At one point the super hot 40-year-old belly dancer (with a body that would make Angelina Jolie slit her wrists) put a sword on her head. So, my buddy is coming out of the bathroom at this time and in-between his path from the bathroom to our tables in the back is the lady with the sword on her head. Keep in mind that she has been dancing with patrons all night. He wanted no part of this and tried to get by her.

No dice. Sword lady stepped to the left. He stepped to the right. Sword lady matched his move. So, apparently he said fuck it and started to do some awful variation of “The Carlton” before getting back to our table.

Then five people proceeded to suck the helium out of seven entire balloons and recite poetry.

The table behind us was not amused, but our server was hot.

Shit, the story hasn’t even started yet.

So, everyone is really drunk but we decided that we still needed to head out and Bethlehem Brew Works seemed like a good spot that could accommodate the 15 or so super ethnically blended group that we were.

We get there and everything’s fine. Night gets longer and people end up leaving so a friend of mine and I start up a game of pool.

We were playing with some guys who were basic Brew Works dudes.. suits too big for them, loosened neck ties. Some guy named Raj REPEATEDLY kept asking me to bet “Five Large” on the game until I told him that if I wanted to gamble I’d go to the Sands and I’d much rather gamble on how many times he gets laid in a month with an over under of .5 (hands not included.)

Now, at this time, some other guy is in the process of getting booted from the bar. It seemed like a pretty easy boot. He didn’t seem to be putting up much of a fight. So, the guy turns around and starts heading to the door and MUST have said something because the bouncer grabs him from behind and puts him in some “bouncer lock” that they teach you at bouncer school and basically picks him up, takes him to the main doors of Steelgaarden and THROWS him out the doors. THROWS The guy as if he was a piece of poo poo.

Bouncer then shuts the door and we think, “Eh, I’m going to try and put the nine in the top right.”

But, NooOOooOO the guy, who at this point was down on the ground outside Steelgaarden (but still inside Main Street Commons) takes offense to getting chucked outside and bum rushes the door at full feral ferret speed, punching and kicking at the plate glass all while screaming in tongues.

The guy backs off and it looks like he’s leaving while heading down the hall. The bouncer then opens the door up and says something and dude starts charging back like Carl Lewis on Meth and LEAPS off his feet just before the bouncer shuts the door and the guy crushes into it, smacking the glass with his feet only to land on his back.

This banter of screaming and punching goes on for a good ten minutes. The guy even tried to get in the back door but was cut off at the pass by a team of security personnel.

Apparently they called the cops as the guy ran across the bridge on Broad Street.

I ended up sinking the nine ball.

Which One of You Civilians is Going to Suck My C&*$ First?

Soooo, normally the random drunk on the street doesn’t really do much for me, however, this Bethlehem drunk is quickly becoming a quote factory.

Why does Pants on the Ground or whatever the fuck that garbage is get all the attention when drunk Southside Bethlehem dude has all the best quotes?

A city man who when found in a drunken stupor two weeks ago allegedly told a police officer that he lived, “with your mama,” was at it again Tuesday, police said.

Lawrence O. Doseff, 49, of West Fourth Street, passed out in the 100 block of East Third Street, cursed and yelled at police and refused to be handcuffed, according to police.

Doseff, who told police he had a heart condition, was taken to St. Luke’s Hospital in Fountain Hill where he allegedly carried on and growled at police and staff. He then turned his attention to the medical staff and allegedly asked, “Which one of you civilians is going to suck my … first?”
He was charged with two counts of public drunkenness. Source

Hookers are considered civilians, correct? Anyway, it’s a weird day and I’m all over the place, but I just wanted to share this little gem with you.

And, no, this guy does not have a Facebook profile. I checked.

He should, however, have a Facebook Fan Page.

Quick Lesson on your Open Facebook Profile

So, it’s no surprise that a lot of people come to LVwithLOVE to see the idiots who missed the memo on locking up their Facebook profiles.

Hey, it happens and I hope you don’t all do it at once because then I’d have no pictures to link to.

However, I’m sure there is a new generation of non-self-aware kids getting ready to fill your void.

So, we here at LVwithLOVE have had our fair share of people who have had Open Facebook Profiles in the past (Keep in mind, some were smart enough to lock them up after the fact.)

Anyway, I got an e-mail this morning about this article.

Everyone Got Drunk Saturday, Many Got Arrested (Facebook Profiles to Prove it!)

Email reads:

Hello,

On your front page, of the story “everyone got drunk saturday”, I am that blonde girl in the photo. That you posted without mine and probably without (his) permission. I randomly came across it, and I want you to take it down, you do not have my permission to post that.

Sincerely,

Allison Anderko (Facebook Profile here)

My response:

Allison,

I’ll take it down only because you asked. I want you to keep in mind that because you had a profile that was “open” and all pictures were able to be seen, you actually don’t have any claim to them. I know, it sucks.

So, I’ll take it down for you, but be more careful in the future and keep your profile locked up so only the people who you know can see your pictures.

You can check the site today and it will be down. Any other questions, just let me know.

LVwithLove

See??? I’m a nice guy!!

Happy New Year! (Butts?)

Thanks to everyone who pops in here and reads a little bit each week about the true people of the Lehigh Valley and what crazy shit they do every day. Honestly, this writing this stuff couldn’t be easier. In fact, I can do this while drunk. I do this while I’m playing Chess. Seriously, it takes no talent.

That being said. I’m looking forward to three things in 2010.

1. Charlie Dent and John Callahan killing each other over a congressional seat.
2. Musikfest imploding on its own weight.
3. Me retiring and living the good life.

Until then, check out the picture I WANTED to use (Maybe NSFW, but no nipples or anything like that) to celebrate New Year’s, but then decided that I want to end the year with a post that Grandmas can read. I will get back to the boobies on Monday!

Be safe. Drive safe. Sex Safe.

Best and Worst Bethlehem Bars of 2009 (LVwithLOVE Awards!)

Contrary to popular belief, I have not been to every bar in Bethlehem, Pa so far this year, so, I asked around to some people who are better alcoholics than I and have come up with a pretty decent list of the best alcohol selling establishments of 2009.

I figured it was only fair to group them based on what they actually were. See, you can’t really compare a place like The Firehouse with Loopers…. you know what I’m sayinnnn?

So, feel free to fight me or try and sue me, but i’m ready to begin…

Best Dive Bar in the Bethlehem 2009:

Joe’s Tavern: Fight me on this one all you want kids, but Joe’s Tavern just really has it all by not changing at all. They have cheap drinks (most draft beers are $2) and decent food.

Highlights: Again, cheap food. No one really fucks around with each other. Girls are usually really hammered if they are hanging out here, which makes taking them home a bit easier.

Lowlights: If you go here, you end up smelling like absolute shit (smoke/smoke and cigar smoke.) Most of the regulars are pretty hardcore in their drinking.

Best times to go: Weekends, probably Friday and Saturday nights either before you’re hitting up another bar or after you’ve had dinner. Cause you’re getting drunk when you come in here.

Honorable Mention: Old Brewery Tavern: Losing a lot of revenue to Roosevelt’s 21st, but still a college favorite.

Worst Dive Bar in the Bethlehem  2009

Lehigh Pub: As we profiled this year, any bar that is going to send you to fucking jail for not paying a mandated gratuity when the waitress is too busy outside smoking is going to not make many friends. In fact, I’m surprised the place is even still pulling in business. If not for the McGrady and Tally Ho run off on Bethlehem’s Fourth Street, I don’t see this place selling more than two beers a night.

Honorable Mention: The Funhouse. Who the fuck even GOES there anymore?

Best New Bar in the Bethlehem  2009

The Bookstore: The Bookstore is by FAR the best new bar (if not the best bar) in the Lehigh Valley for 2009. From the awesome entrance, where you think you’ve just walked into a middle school library only to find that the velvet curtains in the back lead to a 1920s like speakeasy, to the menus that are in old books, the Bookstore has a tangible quality that is lost in so many slick and old hat bars.

The Bookstore makes you FEEL cool. That’s saying something. Visit its site here and check out the coolness.

Honorable Mention: Any of the casino bars. Yes, they are super expensive, but still, they have something completely alien, upscale and new about them.

Worst New Bar in the Bethlehem  2009

The Firehouse: From top to bottom the Firehouse is just getting all the bad vibes that a place can get: Fights break out. The ceiling leaks. It’s a meat market. It’s full of assholes. The doormen are assholes. It’s just bullshit.

What pains me about this place is that the property itself is fucking spectacular. It’s a freaking firehouse. However, the ownership chose to go the route that financially made the most sense: cater to college kids who are going to just keep on coming back to every block rocking beat you have going on Saturday nights.

So, I think the place is going to stay open and the kids who just turn 21 each year are going to keep it in business. It just sucks that it won’t ever be what it could have been: a nice hip bar that had its share of entertainment, but also didn’t run down the fire pole of douchebaggery in order to get a buck and a few cheap peeks at some 23 year old tits.

Honorable Mention: Roosevelt’s 21: The Firehouse with class… not saying too much.

Best Old Standard Bethlehem Bar 2009

Machs Gute: Ever since Machs Gute went under renovation a few years ago and reopened with a vengeance, it split its identity between regulars who came for dinner and college kids who came to get drunk.

Over the course of the last year, with the infusion of trivia and some bands, the Gute has become something of a catch all for people 21-45… You don’t really feel out of place there no matter the night and, well, it’s still pretty cheap.

Honorable Mention: Hmm tough one here… But, we could go with McGrady’s. It’s not what it used to be, but it still packs in some sort of fun.

Worst Old Standard Bethlehem Bar 2009

Ripper’s Pub: Oh, Ripper’s, where did you go wrong? It’s not even that the place where everyone knows your name necessarily really had an off year, it’s just that the place has become so cliquey to some that they are uneasy even going there. You may not need everyone to know your name, but you don’t want them to wonder why you just walked in, either. I mean, read some of the reviews by clicking that link up there.

It’s still a good bar, but it suffers from getting all of its money during the Musikfest rush only to really  not give a fuck for the rest of the year. Beer prices there have gone up over the course of the last year and not really anything else has changed.

Honorable Mention: The Funhouse. Who the fuck even GOES there anymore?

Best Bethlehem Bar 2009

Bethlehem Brew Works: Surprised? You shouldn’t be. The thing about the Brew Works that makes it great is the variety. Over the course of the year this place, (which really isn’t THAT big when you think about it) has hosted bands, comedy shows, trivia, karaoke, pool, tweet up events, etc. It also has a standard bar upstairs and a lounge downstairs that keeps getting cooler.

There isn’t much more to say other than the fact that in order to knock off a bar like The Brew Works, you’re just going to have to offer a place where everyone can have a good time on a given day no matter their preference.

Honorable Mention: The Bookstore.

Worst Bethlehem Bar 2009

40 Below: Do you like your weekends with a side of metal detector and a helping of stabbings? Then go to this shit show. I don’t even comprehend what the fuck keeps this place in business other than the fact that there seem to be a healthy and heavy amount of assholes who travel into the “historic” city of Bethlehem to basically piss all over its face by dressing as absolute gutter trash and pretending to be in a New York City club that is nothing more than a basement beneath a former Magic shop.

Fuck yourself 40 Below.

Honorable Mention: Lehigh Pub

Best New Lehigh Valley Blogs of 2009

Oh, 2009, you silly little year filled with drunken promises of change, girls turning 18 years old and Obama pretending he is Jesus… I will miss you.

However, since the year is coming to a close, Lehigh Valley With Love thought it would be a great time to perhaps round up a few different local things/blogs/events/stories/hot chicks in an effort to provide some perspective into the year that takes us out of the decade of Napster/usable Internet porn/iPods into the next decade hopefully filled with tons of naked robots.

So, first up are the best local blogs that either sprouted up this year or really came into their own.

The thing with local blogs is that while they may not provide the wide scope of some national blogs, they are probably more useful to you since they list local happenings or perspectives on a daily and weekly basis… So, if you haven’t been to any of these yet, go or start going, because it’s not like you’re fucking working the next few days.

1. The ElVee (www.theelvee.com): Started in 2009, this is basically a higher end no-nonsense review and photography blog that grades restaurants, clubs and other social fun stuff (like beer) in a pretty detailed and colorful way.

Highlight: Review of the Carnegie Deli at The Sands:

I witnessed a hostess tell a couple that the service was going slow because it’s a new restaurant.  It doesn’t matter how fresh the place is, service like that is unexcuseable.  Also, don’t make excuses for your shitty service.  A waitress then made the comment that it was shift change, that’s why the service was taking so long.  Listen, shift change at a restaurant shouldn’t be rocket science, and I certainly shouldn’t have two waitresses coming back and forth to me duplicating work.

That’s how you write a review, kids. Start taking notes. You don’t say how wonderful a place is if it actually fucking blows. Just because it’s in The Sands and it’s a part of the famous Carnegie Deli name doesn’t exactly mean shit…

FUN FACT: The blog writer also takes some kick ass shots of each place he goes to. I think it’s to prove he actually went there… but, whatever.

2. LVScene (www.thelvscene.com): Want to know where the hell to go EACH day of the week in the Lehigh Valley? Well, LVScene has got you covered, especially when it comes to the Early to Late 20s crowd. So, if you’re looking for the best DJ in the area or who has Trivia/Karaoke going on on a Tuesday, this is the site to click on.

Highlight: List of New Year’s Eve Events:

UPDATE 1: Both the Allentown and Bethlehem BrewWorks are throwing parties to ring in the new year. Check out the details at the Bethlehem BrewWorks HERE and the Allentown BrewWorks HERE.

UPDATE 2: Commenter Jenny tipped me off to a couple of cool events. Over at the Sands in Bethlehem, Emeril’s Chophouse is throwing an all inclusive party for $125 per person. And several local hotels are also throwing New Year’s Eve gatherings…the best part about that is there’s no need to drive at the end of the night! Thanks, Jenny!

UPDATE 3: PigPen Sports bar has finally announced the details of their NYE party. Take a look at them here.

You have to love a blog that uses inside sources and updates a listing often, you know the blog writer is really into making sure you get drunk. There is NOTHING wrong with that!

3. Lehigh Valley Transplant (http://2cheese.blogspot.com): Recently moved to the area and feel like a douche because you don’t know where to go or what the hell to do? Well, this blog writer will make sure you know where some of the “secrets” are hiding. She’s pretty no nonsense and gets to the nitty gritty of why you should check a place out. A must read for those looking for something beyond the local bar scene and is great for those in the Mid 20s to maybe even early 40s crowd (Can they use the Internet yet?)

Highlight: Secret Art Space in Bethlehem

Want to know a secret?

The Secret Art Space is on Rink Street, near Vine Street, on the South Side of Bethlehem (very close to Deja Brew Coffeehouse).

The first-ever LV Ladyfest will be taking place there on January 2, featuring Fursaxa, Bad Temple, Ninjessa, Dark Circles, and Mad O, “a celebration of bands in the Lehigh Valley that have female musicians.” Fursaxa is the only artist I’m familiar with; Tara’s music is considered “acid folk.” Overall I’d say they’re mostly punk rock/indie but most indie groups defy classification in my mind. Check out the links above for more information and free previews of each group’s music.

I didn’t even know about this place and that says a lot. Who is this blog writer and how is she getting invited to these places with hot chicks and not inviting me? I hope her inclusion on this list will make her think twice about that in the future.

Other Blogs you should always check out (they aren’t necessarily new):

1. Cooking with Anne: I don’t cook, but if you do and want to have some kick ass recipes… this is where you go.
2. Lehigh Valley Political Blog: A bit more dry and, well, political based, but if you’re into that thing, and sometimes you must be, here’s where you find the low down locally, along with Lehigh Valley main stay Lehigh Valley Ramblings
3. A View Beyond Bethlehem: I’m not really sure what goes on here, but if you’re older than me and enjoy the ramblings of a good writer in his (early 30s? :P) who has a bit more mature perspective than yours truly… read this…)

Ok, I’m sure I missed a bunch, so comment or e-mail me others and we can list more and all that shit, besides, my fingers are now tired and I’m lazy and still pissed I wasn’t invited to that secret club place :(

Everyone Got Drunk Saturday, Many Got Arrested (Facebook Profiles to Prove it!)

(Photo Removed due to request from nice girl in photo on 1/12/2010. See, I am a nice guy….)

So, I went out Saturday night and got pretty tipsy in Bethlehem, however, I decided against getting arrested because not getting arrested is the number 3 item on my New Year’s Resolution list….

1. Grow a kick ass mullet suitable for a work environment.

2. Get my chest waxed by an Asian girl with broken English

3. Don’t get arrested often

4. Watch a White Russian girl drink a White Russian Completed.

Without further adieu, ado? whatever, here are eight people who didn’t make it home on time because they were busy in handcuffs.

Charged were: 

• Benjamin Beichley, (Facebook Page) 24, of East 20th Street in Northampton, at The Firehouse, 217 Broadway.

• Kevin W. Decker, (Facebook Profile?) 32, of Fourth Avenue in Bethlehem, at Old Brewery Tavern, 138 W. Union Blvd.

• James Klotz,  28, of Fehr Road in Bushkill Township, at 21 W. Elizabeth Ave. He also was charged with disorderly conduct for allegedly fighting.

• Matthew Lantosh, (Open Facebook Profile for now that’s him up top with a nice lady) 23, of North 17th Street in Allentown, at Roosevelt’s 21st, 21 E. Elizabeth Ave. He also as charged with disorderly conduct and fighting.

• Reinaldo Merced, 24, of Mechanic Street in Bethlehem, at The Firehouse.

• Dylan A. Perkins, (Facebook Profile) 24, of Easton Avenue in Bethlehem, at Roosevelt’s 21st. He also was charged with disorderly conduct for allegedly fighting.

• Gustavo Rivera, 22, of Fourth Street in Bethlehem, at Tally Ho Tavern, 205 W. Fourth St.

• Robert W. Scott, 27, of Philadelphia, at Starters Riverport, 17 W. Second St. He also was charged with harassment. Source

Well, there you have it, kids. Never have faith in humanity, because, at the end of the day, all we’re really progressing toward is just a new way to get drunk and call each other fags before taking our shirts off and fighting in the parking lot.

When You Fall Asleep Drunk at the Wheel (Bloodhound Gang, too and KRAMPUS!)

True Story… one time I was drunk and me and my girlfriend at the time were heading back to campus. Well, for some reason I got the car parked (perfect park job between two trucks) and we just fell asleep right there. Wtf?

Anyway, I am awakened to the tap of a police officer’s baton/dildo thing on the window and I wake up. I’m kinda like, “Where the fuck am I? Also, I’m screwed.”

BUT THEN I realized that it wasn’t a real cop, it was a campus safety cop who apparently wasn’t too up on the whole “Being Drunk Behind the Wheel of a Car” laws and told us to just head back to our dorms. All I had to show was my college ID. That was that.

In hindsight, that was an awful decision to drive and the campus safety officer probably gave me a break, so I should be thankful. After all, it is Krampus Eve!

A Pen Argyl man found asleep in his car was arrested Friday after leading an officer on a chase through the borough, police said.

Dylan Weis, of the 500 block off North Schanck Avenue, is charged with fleeing or attempting to elude police, reckless driving and failing to heed stops signs and use turn signals, police said.

An officer saw Weis’ car, a 2007 Toyota Corolla, parked at 1 a.m.in the middle of West Plainfield Avenue at Park Avenue, police said. He approached the vehicle and saw Weiss slumped over the center console, police said.

The officer woke up Weis, who then put the car in drive and sped off, police said. Weiss blew through five stops signs, failed to use his turn signal and ignored the patrol vehicle’s flashing lights, police said.

Weis got away from the officer, who identified him later that day and filed charges at District Judge Adrianne Masut’s office. Source

Woah! So the guy actually GOT away! He was probably at home going “Man, I’m the fucking SHIT. I outran a cop AFTER he woke me up.” Then he gets arrested because, oh, I don’t know, cops usually take down license plate numbers as part of their jobs….

Well, Merry Krampus day to you, Weis, Merry Krampus Day indeed.

Also, “Asleep at the Wheel” was a stellar song from The Bloodhound Gang’s 1999 album “One Fierce Beer Coaster.” Do listen.

Naked Woman Flees House… Gets Arrested

In college we used to do this stupid “tradition” of running naked relays.. It was… drunken and I saw some things that I can’t unsee, however, it was a good way to pass a good 10 minutes until campus safety arrived and everyone scattered off into the woods.

One time, however, a female friend of mine (who was pretttty intoxicated at the time) managed to flee the field the naked relays were being run on only to leave her clothing behind.

No problem, she thought as she sprinted up to her female friends’ campus house that everyone started at anyone. She figured she’d knock on the door, be able to get inside and away from the popo while being able to borrow some sweats or something.

Remember how I said she was drunk?

Well, she knocked on the campus house of five guys, eagerly… pleased with the sight of a naked coed on their doorstep…

I won’t divulge her identity, but it’s always a good story.. so is this…

A Schuylkill County woman who police say was spotted running naked in a parking lot of a Pottsville-area restaurant early Wednesday morning was charged with harassment and public drunkenness.

State police at Schuylkill Haven said the woman, Margaret Hossler, 43, fled her boyfriend’s house on Chamberlain Avenue following a fight. She ran to the parking lot of the Pine View Acres restaurant on Chamberlain Avenue before going to the home of a neighbor, who provided her with clothing, according to state police. State police said when they arrived Hossler became belligerent and refused to cooperate.

According to the investigators, Hossler and her boyfriend Willard Hooven, 48, had a physical confrontation during which Hossler pulled Hooven’s hair. He pushed Hossler and order her to leave his residence, police said. Source

Yeah I had a girlfriend once who almost kicked me out with not too much on my body. My transgression? I made fun of one of her friends. I think I may have called her “needy.” And, that was enough.

Anyway, go back to thinking about naked chicks running around outside.

Sadly, the naked chick in the story above made me immediately think of ash stains. I don’t know why.

Best Idea EVER (Selling Wine in Vending Machines)

I’ve always marveled at the Japanese vending machines that dispense beer and other sorts of alcoholic beverages. I mean, what’s fucking better than walking down the street than walking down the street drunk????

Hint: Nothing.

So, if this whole thing goes through, then that would maybe be the best thing ever because not only can you get drunk from a vending machine, but it will be “wine drunk” which, as any divorced woman knows, is the only acceptable drunk there is!

More than 100 Pennsylvania grocery stores are expecting to get vending machines that sell wine, according to an Associated Press report.

The Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board say the kiosks, which can carry up to 500 bottles of as many as 50 wines, could be operating at all the stores by mid-2010, board spokesman Nicholas Hays said.

Patrons would slide a driver’s license into the machine to prove they are 21 or older and breath into a device that would measure their blood-alcohol level. A camera would ensure that the person and the license match.

A prototype is expected to arrive in Harrisburg early next year so the technology can be tested, Hays. The kiosks will be piloted at several stores in the Harrisburg area.

Three Lehigh Valley grocery stores — Weis Markets in North Whitehall Township and Wegmans in Lower Nazareth and Hanover townships — sell beer, but not wine. The Weis Markets in Palmer Township has applied for a license to sell beer. Source

Haha, I am down with the “sliding my ID in” but I think I’m going to pass at the whole “breathe into this tube thing.” Why? Because I doubt you are going to be able to breathe into it like you would to clean your glasses off. You would have to suck the fucking thing to get an accurate reading. So, unless they are going to have disposable ones, no thanks.

Also, fuck that, I’ll just grab some kid’s toddler to breathe into the machine for me. Unless that kid is on NyQuil, I’m set!

Mom Leaves Kid at Home and Goes to Bar (Guess Where She is From)

If you guessed EASTON you win!!!!! Ding, ding ding.

Sadly, I’ve heard of this happening before. I’ve had someone (this was totally unbeknownst to me, BTW) leave their 11 year old at home for like 30 min to come out and see me. WTF?

Anyway, I guess there are circumstances where someone may have to leave their teenager or at least 12 year old at home for a short amount of time. However, kids who can’t really figure out TOTALLY how to poop on their own shouldn’t really ever be left alone unless they are sleeping, drunk or playing in a sandbox.

A 33-year-old Easton woman faces charges after she left her 6-year-old son sleeping alone in her house while she went drinking at a bar in Easton, court records say.

Police began searching Dec. 5 for Ana Hernandez after her son woke up about 11:30 p.m., found himself alone in the house in the 100 block of South Third Street and called police, court records say.

Police knew Hernandez and went looking for her at Eddie G’s Bar in Centre Square, records say. 

They found her there drinking beer and Long Island iced teas, records say. She asked officers, “Do I have time to finish my drink?” records say.

Although the incident happened Dec. 5, charges were filed Dec. 16 and Hernandez was arraigned Monday night before District Judge Adrianne Masut. Hernandez was charged with endangering the welfare of children and sent to Northampton County Prison in lieu of $10,000 bail. Source

Shit, at least the SIX YEAR OLD kid has some sense. He woke up and was probably scared that his mommy was hurt or something, so he did the responsible (and mature thing) and called the cops. I love how police “knew” Hernandez already and knew to find her at Eddie G’s Bar.

Hey, at least she wasn’t like five miles away, right? It COULD be worse.

There is an Ana Hernandez listed on Facebook from the Lehigh Valley, however, it didn’t say if she was from Easton…. soooo, ahhh fuck it, here she is anyway…

Woman Assaults Husband with Ashtray

True story: I once dated a girl who loved to throw things and also brandish them. She’d throw whatever was near by without any real care for what she struck. She also threw my new iPod I just got for my birthday down the street because she was drunk. Life is full of fun little caveats like this and give you reason to continue to look for women who are not emotionally unstable and choose to solve their arguments with words and compromises instead of false calls to 911.

BUT ANYWAY… apparently this lady and my old girlfriend go to the same firing range…

A 37-year-old Bath woman was arrested early Saturday morning after police said she assaulted her fiance with an ashtray.

Stephanie Manfredi, of the 200 block of West Main Street, got into an argument that turned physical with Joseph Barasso, 34, of the same address, about 2:40 a.m. Manfredi allegedly threw a glass ashtray at Barasso’s head, causing two cuts, and also hit him on the bicep.

He was bleeding, police said, but both Barasso and Manfredi refused medical attention. Source

Maybe it’s just me, but did you also picture some toothless woman in a plaid shirt throwing the clear glass ashtray at a guy with a Marlboro in his mouth?

Just saying. This weekend I dreamt I had a Skittles credit card. Good shit.