Wilson Man Hits Son Over Head with Plastic Patio Chair

You know it’s getting closer summer when the patio furniture is outside and Joe’s Tavern has their fancy outside seating set up.

You also know it’s getting closer to summer when people start doing ridiculous things in public.

A 34-year-old man Wilson Borough man is accused of hitting his son in the head Thursday night with a white plastic patio chair.

Police were called at 10:20 p.m. to the home of Bohannon Piazza in the 1600 block of Washington Street, according to court documents.

The boy told police his father hit him with the chair and cut the top of his head, police said. The boy needed medical treatment, records state.

Piazza was arraigned before District Judge Robert Hawke in Lehigh Township on charges of simple assault and harassment and released on $8,000 unsecured bail. SOURCE: The Express-Times

Bohannon Piazza? When I first read that I thought it was a street name.

Bohannon doesn’t exactly slide off the tongue.

Also, who is beating each other with plastic patio chairs? You may break them! And you know you’re going to regret that when winter rolls around and you need a chair to reserve that parking space you dug out.

Man Attacks Neighbor with Machete, then Shoots Himself in Head While Kids and Police Watch

If you have off of work today, you’re a jerk.

Three day weekends, or, in your case, four day weekends, are the best thing ever.

You wake up on Sunday and you go, “Hey, we get to play Saturday all over again!”

It’s almost as good as Good Friday.

And, while I don’t enjoy running stories about people getting dead, this… this was… interesting.

A man apparently robbed someone in the south side of Bethlehem with a machete and then, when the cops caught up to him, he decided it was a good time to shoot himself in the head with a rifle.

Bethlehem police said the armed man had allegedly attacked a neighbor with a machete during a robbery earlier at a South Side home and then shot himself in the head while being confronted by officers, according to a news release from city police.

Police said the alleged attacker placed a rifle to his head after fleeing to E. Fourth and Hayes streets, several blocks from the machete incident. Police said they asked the man several times to put down the rifle, but he fired it while pointing it at his head.

Police said the suspect is in critical condition at St. Luke’s University Hospital, and the victim is in serious condition.

Young said while there were many people in the area at the time of the shooting, she and others were able to keep children away from the armed man.

“I’ll tell you what,” Young said. “He meant business. Who knows what could have happened?” SOURCE: The Morning Call

“Young” up there is June Young, a crossing guard who saw the whole shebang go down and valiantly told kids to run to their mommies and not watch the man shoot himself in the head.

However, I think we know what could have happened… he shot himself in the face. Unless she meant that he could have just started shooting random people, which would have been much, much worse.

What’s the deal with crossing guards? Is that a full-time job? Do they freelance? 

Lehigh Valley Missed Connections of the Week (Gay Doing Your Dad)

Lehigh Valley Missed Connections of the Week brought to you by Townsend Insurance Agency, RMC Tech Mobile Repair, and Molly’s Irish Grille & Sports Pub!

If you haven’t watched the premiere episode of Lehigh Valley with Love Live, I’m embedding the hell out of it so you now must watch it.

Other than that? Come to Artsquests on Sunday night at 8 p.m. with us and watch the “Best of Craigslist” performed by The Associated Mess and The Flighty Ducks.

Basically, it’s like the stuff you’re just about to read… but live!

brew works wednesday night - w4m - 29 (allentown)

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Date: 2012-05-18, 8:41PM EDT
Reply to: 3fb3k-3024247881@pers.craigslist.org

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we chatted for a bit wednesday night at the allentown brew works… you were telling me all about your training.. you mentioned you were married.. were you just being friendly or was there a bit of an attraction? you’re very attractive.. write back and let me know what we chatted about :) 

“You mentioned you were married” so let me continue to try and eff you. Hey, I understand that the world is free game, but, if someone is married, game’s over. This isn’t because I’m some super Christian conservative, it’s just because it makes sense and you should respect someone who took the time to vow their life to someone else. Or you could hit them up on Craigslist. Whatevers.

Or you can appeal to them in ALL CAPS!

WALKING ON 191 - w4m - 26 (BETHLEHEM)

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Date: 2012-05-21, 12:34PM EDT
Reply to: 4krng-3028876131@pers.craigslist.org

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I WAS DRIVIN TO WORK THE OTHER DAY AND U WERE WALKIN ON 191 TOWARD BETHLEHEM U HAD SOME GROCERIES OR SOMETHING AND U LOOKED AT ME……I THINK LOL WELL U TURNED AROUND I JUST WANTED TO TELL U THAT U R SO SEXY AND IF I COULD GO BACK TO THAT MORNING I WOULD HAVE STOPPED……U PROBABLY DONT READ THESE ANYWAY BUT MAYBE U DO BC I DO LOL……..BUT IF U DO AND YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS I WOULD LIKE TO MEET U IF UR SINGLE IF NOT UR HOT AND HAVE A NICE DAY 

Once I realize someone is purposefully writing in all caps I stop listening. Or reading. Or caring about their welfare.

I am only putting this one in because it’s the first lesbian one I’ve seen in awhile.

petsplus - w4w (quakertown)

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Date: 2012-05-19, 10:29PM EDT
Reply to: kp5z6-3026274169@pers.craigslist.org

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I see you everytime I’m in there,you have blonde hair and you usually ring me up. Just wanted to say I think you’re beautiful and would love to take you out. Doubt youll see this but it’s worth a shot. 

And now, our Missed Connection of the week!

Single dad lives by high school - m4m - 18 (Blandon )

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Date: 2012-05-22, 5:30PM EDT
Reply to: fs2j5-3031832498@pers.craigslist.org

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Your are my friends dad (your a construction worker)your daughters name starts with a ‘B’ I have been her friend for a long time and i always think about doing stuff with you. I live near you email me your first name and I’ll tell you who this is if you wantto do something 

Dump Truck Runs into Hellertown Fire Station, Explodinates It

So.. yeah. Breaking news really isn’t our thing, but, it’s not every day that a dump truck runs into a fire station and explodes into flames…

Leithsville Volunteer Fire Company’s station near Hellertown went up in flames Thursday after a dump truck hauling asphalt crashed into the building and exploded, with the driver barely escaping, according to witnesses and emergency radio dispatches.

Firefighters and tanker trucks from mutual aid stations in Northampton, Bucks and Lehigh counties responded to the three-alarm fire, reported around 1 p.m. SOURCE: The Morning Call

Early reports don’t have any injuries, so that’s a good thing.

You may want to avoid Hellertown today, I mean, more than you’d avoid it on any other day.

Horse Gets Trapped in In-Ground Pool Cover

Pools are awesome, especially if you have your own personal one. Then, you can pee in it whenever you want and no one is going to judge you.

Well, if you have friends over and they are in the pool with you when you pee, they will probably judge you and get pretty mad since now they are swimming in pool water that has pee in it. But, the point, really, is that you can do whatever you want in it.

Run around the pool? Damn straight.

Dive in the shallow section? Go for it.

Beer pong on a beer pong raft IN the pool? Required.

Skip to the front of the diving board line? All yours buddy!

Horseplay? Why, of course!

Police and firefighters this morning freed a horse that had become trapped on the pool cover over an in-ground pool at a Hilltown Township residence (Near Perkasie - ed.), according to police. 

Hilltown Township police responded at 9:22 this morning to a residence on Highpoint Road in the township for a report of a horse that was stuck on a pool cover over an in-ground pool. Officers arrived and determined the horse managed to escape from the barn where it was housed via a door that led to a fenced-in pool area, police said. The horse had apparently gotten caught in the pool cover and was unable to free itself, police said.

The horse began to go into shock because of the cold pool water, according to police.

Police requested assistance from the Hilltown Township, Silverdale Borough and Chalfont fire departments to free the horse. 

Authorities used rigging and plywood to extricate the horse from the pool cover, and set up a fire truck to drain the pool if necessary. 

By 10:16, the horse had been safely removed from the pool and a short time later was able to get up and walk around on its own. SOURCE: The Express-Times

I guess the downside to having your own pool is that it automatically makes your odds of drowning exponentially greater than your neighbor who doesn’t have a pool.

And you’ve always got to worry if you’re kids are going to try and play Aqualad and get stuck in the filter valves. But, I’m sure those risks don’t outweigh the fun of being able to sleep on a raft while you float on cool, clear, crisp water in your backyard.

This reminds me, definitely going to Dorney Park to go on the Lazy River. Best ride there, hands down. 

Deadbeat Dad Tricked Into Returning to Lehigh Valley by Fake Jennifer Aniston Movie Role

There’s something satisfying in tricking someone into justice.

For example, I watched some TV show recently where a police department somewhere sent out fake letters to people who had active warrants telling them that they had won a laptop. The letters said, “Hey, come claim your laptop at this church or something.” And, when the people showed up, BOOM HANDCUFFS!

It’s more fun to play pranks on people who actually REALLY deserved to be pranked, like this doucher.

Although wanted on two deadbeat dad warrants in Lehigh County, Joshua Garlathy hopped on a plane in Hawaii — his safe haven — and headed to Pennsylvania with dreams of appearing on the big screen.

Garlathy, essentially safe in Maui from any effort by local law enforcement to collect nearly $43,000 he owed in support for his daughter, started his trek early this week after being approached about acting in a romantic comedy that could feature Jennifer Aniston.

The out-of-work, aspiring musician would play a guitar-strumming bank robber named Dirty Nick in a movie called “Banished in Brooklyn.” The lure of that, apparently, outweighed any risk of getting picked up on the two warrants — one civil, one criminal.  SOURCE: The Morning Call

When Garlathy got off the plane in Philadelphia, he was promptly arrested.

I think the funniest thing here may have been the choice of the actress for the ruse. I mean, say they picked Angelina Jolie. Don’t you think the guy would have been like, “Waaaaaittt a minute, she’s a super star right now. Something’s fishy here.”

And, sure Jennifer Aniston still has some appeal, even though she comes off as a whiny spinster, but name dropping her probably had him go, “Yeah, with her questionable film roles in recent years, I feel that it’s completely logical that they would want me to be in one of her movies.”

His next film in prison probably won’t be as PG-13 rated as most of her comedies.

One would hope that there was a least a laugh track playing in the background as he was led away to jail.

Be sure to check out our new show, Lehigh Valley with Love Live, because all the cool kids in school are doing it.

Man Deliberately Hits Man On Sidewalk With Car, Passenger Then Shot

Outside of Camden or Detroit, there aren’t many worse places to deliberately run someone over with your car and not expect some sort of retaliation.

“What are they gonna do, throw a rock at my windshield?” the silly layman asks.

No, shoot guns at you.

An Allentown man was shot Wednesday after the driver of a car in which he was riding deliberately struck another man on a city sidewalk, according to police.

The 17-year-old victim, whose name has not been released, was the passenger in a car driven by Javon Raswul, 18, of Allentown, who was driving about 5:20 p.m. in the area of South Delaware and Pittston streets, police said.

Raswul, of the 700 block of South Eighth Street, came across several individuals on the sidewalk and recognized one of them as Jeffrey Fritch, 19, also of Allentown, Assistant Chief Joe Hanna said.

Raswul drove up onto the sidewalk and struck Fritch with his car, Hanna said.

Understatement of the week in 3, 2, 1…

“Apparently, Mr. Raswul and Mr. Fritch know each other and allegedly have issues with one another,”he said.

As Raswul was attempting to drive away, Damian Nunez, an 18-year-old Allentown man who had been with Fritch, pulled a gun and fired a single shot at the car, striking the passenger, Hanna said. SOURCE: The Express-Times

C’mon inner city young people, hug it out! Have a nice latte at the local coffee shop and talk about your differences in an adult manner.

Or, go hang out at the Allentown Hole and marvel at the gears of politics.

Or, check out our new show, Lehigh Valley with Love Live, because all the cool kids in school are doing it.

Lehigh Valley with Love Live! Premiere Episode!

Lehigh Valley with Love Live is live!

We hope you enjoy our first episode enough that you’ll like it and share it on Facebook or Youtube or Twitter or via carrier pigeon or light rail.

The more fan support we receive, the better chance that we can make this into a show I will be able to get Ed Hanna on as a guest.

Thank you to Lehigh Valley Mirror for filming, editing, producing and dealing. This was totally shot in downtown Allentown at Fuse Art Infrastructure!

Thanks to our partners Townsend Insurance Agency, R.M.C. Tech, and Molly’s Irish Grille & Sports Pub!

If the Arena Doesn’t Happen. What Should Go In Its Place? (We have 10 Suggestions)

Unless you’re living under the 8th Street Bridge, and maybe even if you are, you’ve been hearing about the Allentown Arena project and how lawsuits are bringing construction to a halt.

The townships suing don’t want Allentown to use their earned income tax monies and, although Allentown offered them a settlement where they’d recoup their money, it seems to be a bit too little, to late.

No matter your stance on the issue (although I suggest you read this great post about it) you have to admit it’s at least somewhat intriguing.

Which, got me thinking, what the hell would go in that giant hole that’s there if the Arena doesn’t come to fruition?

1. Lake Allentown: Just fill the hole in with some water and, boom, summer fun for everyone. It’d be even better if it was stocked with trout or something, or those koi fish. That would just add a little extra something something.

2. An Ice Rink: This would obviously be the same thing as the lake, but in the winter time! It’d be like Rockefeller Center, just … totally microscopically as classy and iconic.

3. A campground: Hey, let’s admit it, camping is tough. You have to lug your gear to some campground and, ugh, it’s just a ton of hassle. So, just let families camp out in the Allentown Hole! You don’t even have to do anything. Just leave it as is!

4. Artsquest SteelStacks II: Hey, Artsquest seems to finally be turning the corner when it comes to attendance and they even picked up Patton Oswalt for an upcoming show. They’ve already taken over Bethlehem, why not Allentown.

5. An Interactive Journey to the Center of the Earth Exhibit: If we can’t use this space for a sports team, we should think of the children. It’d be great for field trips and, since the hole is.. well.. a hole, you can just plop students in there and the teachers can watch from the safety of the broken sidewalks.

6. No Rent Housing: The economy is tough. I think it’s time we think about our citizens. Much like the land grabs in during the “Manifest Destiny” portion of American History, we should allow anyone who wants to grab a piece of land to go ahead. It’d be a sweet shanty town. 

7. A Hess’s Department Store: Dance with who brung ya!

8. Allentown Brew Works on the Hole: Brew Works seems to have no trouble branching out to new places. Why not open up a new Brew Works, but on the rocks? It’ll be a great drinking experience.

9. Crocodile Rock Cafe: Just … just throw Crock Rock in there and watch it burn.

10. A real life interpretation of the great vintage arcade game Ironman Ivan Stewart’s Super Off Road! Man that game was great! I always loved when I was able to get my nitros and blast past that pesky red pickup. I wonder what “Ironman” is doing now…

Bonus: A Casino… because… why the hell not?

Hopefully, none of these things has to happen. Bottom line, everyone seemed to drop the ball a little bit on this one. Here’s hoping to everything getting sorted out and downtown Allentown getting a chance to revitalize itself.

Easton Plans to Go Both Ways with Centre Square Traffic Circle

I’m no civil engineer, but traffic circles are the worst thing you can encounter, design wise, on a street.

I take that back, New Jersey jug handles are the ABSOLUTE worst, but traffic circles are a close second.

And, it’s not because their design isn’t good. It’s because people get to a traffic circle and go, “HOLY CRAP A TRAFFIC CIRCLE WTF DO I DO?”

It’s like you’re driving down the road and then all of a sudden you’re in Eastern Europe.

No matter how good the signs are, and how well marked, NO ONE seems to know what the hell they are doing once they get in a traffic circle.

It may as well be Thunderdome.

So, I’ll give Easton SOME credit that they are addressing the fact that their Easton Square traffic circle is a complete automotive nightmare.

Easton planners propose converting the web of one-way streets surrounding Centre Square into two-way streets in part to help the growing number of visitors to downtown attractions get around more easily.

The plan envisioned by the city administration also would help motorists in the Centre Square traffic circle, and improve both the pace and safety of pedestrians and bicyclists, officials told regional transportation planners Monday.

The city proposes “a complete rethinking of traffic flow downtown,” Public Works Director Dave Hopkins told members of the Lehigh Valley Transportation Study, a group that helps prioritize regional transportation-improvement spending. Hopkins referred to traffic-flow problems around Centre Square as “a decades-old issue” the city hopes to address.

The Centre Square Circle itself would remain one-way counterclockwise under the proposal, but the one-way streets surrounding it — Second, Ferry, Fourth and Spring Garden streets — would become two-way roads. SOURCE: The Morning Call

The plan seems like it could help out, but, still, it’s a traffic circle. People are still going to get down there and go, “So, should I merge? Wait, can I turn right on red? So, does that dude have the right of way? Do crosswalks count in a traffic circle? What the f*#k is that guy doing on the inside lane? Is he turning, WTF?”

And, again, whoever thought jug handles were a good idea should be forced to drive them all day every day forever. I just wanna turn left. I don’t wanna turn right to turn left. And then, after I see that road sign that I want to get on, I have to think, “Crap, do I turn right now in order to go to that road that’s on the left?”

Sure, sure, you say, jug handles are safer because you don’t cross against traffic.

Whatever, I say, I don’t care if your logic is sound. They are stupid and they remind me of New Jersey, so that makes me think they smell, too.

LVwithLOVE Live Premieres Tomorrow!

Lehigh Valley with Love Live is a new five minute webisode produced by Lehigh Valley Mirror and premiering tomorrow!

What is it? Well, we are taking the best three news stories of the previous week and talking about them as usual, but, on camera.

So, it’s all the stuff that you’re used to, except this time you don’t have to read!

We’re really excited and want to thank LVMirror for this opportunity! LVMirror, as you should know, is responsible for the new Lehigh Valley Mirror show on RCN as well as the new 30 minute Save the Kales show.

So, stay tuned!

Man Reenacts Scene from “The Avengers” During Wawa Arrest

It’s always good to make friend with at least one big guy, even if you don’t like him that much. Big guys are great because they totally have your back at bars when you’re acting like an idiot and some guy wants to punch you in the face. Then, you’re like, “Oh yeahda? Wellz, take that up awith my buddsi, Igor over therz.”

However, if your big guy is bigger than the big guy you make mad, crap, plan foiled!

In April, a former Wilson High School football player, Andrew McNair, allegedly threw a soda at some lady at a Wawa on Union Blvd. in Allentown. The one problem was there were three cops there at the time. 

Now, let’s go over the details of the fight that ensued.

Officers tried to arrest McNair and he responded by throwing them around.

Burd said officer Ronald Miller needed six staples in his head after McNair — about 6 feet tall and 250 pounds — tossed him into a doughnut rack. Police said Miller banged his head on a metal part and was momentarily knocked out. Police continued to battle McNair as Miller lay in a pool of blood.

Police say McNair threw officer Ryan Koons from his back into a food cooler and elbowed officer William Skriletz in the face.

Koons and another officer tried to take out McNair’s legs by hitting him below the knees with their batons. Burd said the officers also used pepper spray.

Koons previously testified he also jabbed McNair in the face to daze him, punched him in the back, and pressed a baton into his rib cage. Nothing worked, he said.

At one point, McNair yelled that the officers’ attempts to take him down “don’t faze Beasty,” Koons had testified.

McNair finally gave up after a friend in the Wawa convinced him that it was time to stop. SOURCE: The Morning Call

So, the only reason this guy stopped after getting all Hulked up was because his buddy Tony Stark walked in there and was like, “Hulk, chillax.”

You know what? Forget that “get a big friend” theory. Just train yourself to be able to run really fast.

Casino Money Funds Casino Treatment Program

While this is obviously a good thing, it is also a bit..interesting.

Using casino monies to fund gambling treatment is kinda like using bar proceeds to fund alcoholism treatment.

At the end of the day, this is a positive prgram. People with gambling problems will be able to get treatment that they need.

But, it also makes you think of the bigger picture.

Northampton County will receive nearly $280,000 for gambling treatment programs from a committee charged with doling out millions in casino revenue among local municipalities.

The county’s share makes up about a fifth of the roughly $1.34 million its Gaming Revenue and Economic Redevelopment Authority approved Monday. Unlike the tens of thousands that will be spent on public safety and infrastructure, the county focused its applications on providing mental health services for problem gamblers. SOURCE: The Morning Call

I guess you could get into a huge philosophical argument over this but, it basically comes down to, if you want to have a casino, one which brings in a lot of money to the area, you’re going to have a lot of people who can’t handle gambling.

So, instead of taking away the casino itself, you provide funding to allow people to get treatment for not being able to “gamble properly and safely” whatever that means.

If I hit on more than $25 in a spin, I’m outta there and giggling on the way to my car. But, there are people who just always think that the next spin is gonna pay off. While I’m not hardwired that way, I totally get it. It’s the whole point of gambling in the first place. The idea that you’re gonna win with that next spin is the fun, but also the danger.

So, I guess my whole position on this is, good, people can get help. I guess I’m just also opining that it’s interesting how some things we hold legal are so easy for some people to not have control over.

Meh, talk amongst yourselves.

Woman Tries to Avoid Cat with SUV, Hits Pole, Gets DUI

House cats in houses are great animals.

House cats on the street are vermin! 

The problem with any animal you encounter on the road while you’re driving, drunk or not, is your first instinct isn’t to barrel through them.

Nine times out of ten, you should barrel through them because as cute as this cat, or a raccoon, or stupid squirrel may look, it’s not worth totaling your car over.

A 26-year-old Bangor woman was arrested on the suspicion of driving drunk early Saturday morning after she swerved an SUV to avoid a cat on South Broad Street in East Bangor and hit a utility pole, Pennsylvania State Police at Belfast report.

Kristen L. Spencer was not hurt when she crashed the 2008 Kia Sportage at 1:54 a.m. south of East Central Avenue, police said. Her passenger, Christopher Spencer, 27, was not injured, police said. Both were wearing set belts, police  said. SOURCE: The Express-Times

How do we solve this problem? Easy. We start requiring teenaged drivers to complete a “Barrel Through That Cute Animal” classes as part of getting their driver’s license.

If we can educate our youth into the benefit of running straight over a chipmunk’s head, there will be less problems of this sort.

Also, don’t drink and drive.

Oh, and the only animal you really SHOULDN’T barrel through? A bear. But, don’t worry, the Easton Police Department will shoot it for you, anyway!

Easton Cops Kill Black Bear, Everyone’s Mad Because It’s Cute

Easton Police killed the black bear that 911 operators told residents not to bother them about.

They said the kill was made after several attempts to tranquilize the animal.

And, they said that they did so to ensure the safety of the community.

These are valid points, but, do deserve to be questioned.

Easton police shot and killed a black bear late Saturday night in a wooded area off North Fifth Street after they were unable to sedate the animal with tranquilizers.

The bear, which appeared to be a cub, was first spotted by residents about noon Saturday on North Seventh and Bushkill streets, Easton police Capt. Scott Casterline said. Officers investigated the initial reports, but could not locate the bear.

Another round of calls to police about bear sightings started coming in shortly after 10 p.m. These calls placed the bear in the area of North Fifth and North Sixth streets, near theEaston Area Public Library.Some of the callers were reporting that the bear was rummaging through trashcans, Casterline said.

Officers went back out and this time tracked down the bear in the wooded area, Casterline said.

“We made several attempts to tranquilize the bear, from what I’m told,” the captain said, adding the department also reached out to the Pennsylvania Game Commission for assistance, but the commission was unable to respond. SOURCE: The Express-Times

Bottom line, the police are there to ensure the safety of the public. If they felt that they wouldn’t be able to subdue the bear adequately, well, then, they had to shoot it. What’s worse? A dead, super cute bear or a kid getting mauled because the bear is all freaked out and scared?

The odds of the latter happening are slim, but still viable, and no one wants to be responsible for that.

Besides, the fact that this animal is cute definitely changes the game a bit. If this was a turkey vulture or a snakehead fish, no one would give a crap it was shot because it isn’t cute.

It’s almost like animal racism. Cuter animals definitely get more sympathy than ugly ones. And don’t say it’s not true, because it is true. We’re hardwired to have more sympathy for things that are cuter. It’s just how it is. 

Just sayin’

Of course, the ideal way for this to end would have been for the bear to be tranquilized and then put back into the woods. But that didn’t happen. And, to be honest, you’re to blame. I mean, if you didn’t live in your house that is built on the open plains of where bears used to roam free amongst the flowers then it wouldn’t have to have been killed, now would it? Bear killer!

If you want to win tickets to the “Best of Craigslist” show, you have until 8 p.m. to enter!