32-Year-Old Cougar Does 15-Year-Old Boy!!! SCANDAL!!!

Remember in middle school when all the chicks wanted older dudes who were in like 8th and 9th grade? What bullshit. Those guys were such freaking tools. Just because they were a grade ahead and had cars… wait, no… um jobs, wait.. no… what DID they have that I didn’t have in 7th grade? Nothing, that’s what.

And when I got to 8th grade all the 7th grade girls were like, “what’s up let’s make out in the woods.” And i’m like “Woahhhh hold on there, what’s going on?”

But, then I just caved.

So, don’t women generally like OLDER men, by rule or example? I didn’t know 32-year-olds were attracted to teenage boys….

Bethlehem police said a 32-year-old city woman had sex on several occasions last year with a 15-year-old boy.

Jennifer Barbarics, of the 1100 block of Wood Street, told the boy she hated her husband and her life and wanted to be with him instead, according to court papers. Police allege she first had sex with the boy Dec. 20 in the back seat of her car in an alley near Spring Garden Elementary School after picking him up at his home and stopping at a CVS to buy condoms.

Barbarics knew the boy, police said, and had been exchanging text messages with him since late November. Some of the texts described sexual situations, according to court papers, and the boy and Barbarics flirted in the messages as well.

Police said Barbarics last had sex with boy in the attic of her home and on at least one other occasion she tried to have sex with the boy, but failed to find a safe place.

She was charged with four counts each of statutory sexual assault, indecent assault, corruption of minors and unlawful contact with a minor. She was also charged with endangering the welfare of a child. She was sent to Northampton County Prison in lieu of $25,000 bail. Source

To be fair, 32-year-old women are not Cougars yet, they are more like little Ocelots in training. Cougars are 40 and older, I think, by definition. And, to be a Cougar I think you have to be actively pursuing a male under the age of 30?

To the point, if you find a 32-year-old good looking girl who has never been married, watch your back, those girls are all sorts of fucked up.

Also, I hope that this whole fiasco was discovered by accident, because if this girl is good looking (no evidence she is or isn’t) and I was her little troubadour you can bet your ass I’m going to be playing it close to the vest.

Is That a Banana In Your Pocket Or Are You Just Robbing My Bank?

Remember the guy who dropped his wallet at the scent of the bank robbery?

Yeah, well he’s going to go to jail for awhile.

I never knew he had an overly ripe banana in his pocket though. I wonder if this changes him from, “dumbest bank robber ever” to “dumbest bank robber ever who still gets adequate potassium intake.”?

A Philadelphia man who stuffed a rotten banana in his pants to make it look as if he had a gun while robbing a Bethlehem bank pleaded guilty Tuesday and faces up to 20 years behind bars. 

Lloyd Virgil Barclay, 52, admitted claiming he had a gun and threatening a clerk at KNBT bank on 920 W. Broad St. while stealing $800 on Sept. 2, 2009.

But Barclay didn’t make it hard for police to catch him. Lehigh County Senior Deputy District Attorney Tonya Tharp said Barclay left behind his wallet, which contained two ID cards and a Social Security card. 

”Yeah, I dropped that,” Barclay told Judge Kelly L. Banach on Tuesday.

”Did you want to get caught?” Banach asked.

”No,” Barclay said with a laugh. ”I just dropped it.”

Banach is scheduled to sentence Barclay on the robbery charge next month.

Barclay was on state parole when he was arrested, so he faces additional time for violating his parole. 

According to Tharp: 

Barclay slipped a note to a bank teller around 9:15 a.m. demanding money from her drawer. The note said the teller would be ”hurt immediately” if she didn’t comply. After receiving $800, he said he wanted more and told another employee he had a gun. Barclay then fled, leaving his wallet at the bank.

Police matched the photo on his ID cards to the image of Barclay on a bank surveillance video and he was arrested two months later. 

Barclay told investigators he kept a blackened banana in his pocket during the robbery to imply he had a gun.

Police say they also found the note in Barclay’s belongings that was given to the clerk demanding money. Source

Hey, at least he can laugh at himself. He’s also a self-effacing bank robber.

So there is an open mic tonight, I know, I know, shameless plugging. But, seriously, what else do you do on Wednesday nights? Just come and we can all be friends and I’ll sing some camping songs, ok?

Everyone Hates/Loves/Hates the Casino (Also, Lehigh Opinion Columns Blow)

Remember that first super awesome debate on politics you had in college (or vo-tech school) and how you were like “wow, I feel like a substantial and worthy human being who is now totally seeing things for the way they are and how our government is really out to get us and we’re funding wars across the world and i could fight about this alllll day!”“

Yeah, that was soooo gay. College kids are such freaking conspiracy theorists!!!

Speaking of which, here is a recent editorial in Lehigh University’s Toilet Paper Brown & White (cmon it’s called the Brown and White, people):

Every student at Lehigh likely remembers the first time they drove into South Bethlehem and saw the abandoned Bethlehem Steel complex.

I do, I was like “HOLY FUCK there are some abandoned steel stacks!!!! No, I think I was like “HOLY FUCK, college is basically a four year co-ed slumber party!??! FTW!!

Many students also likely remember the first time they heard the property had been bought and would turn into a massive casino, hotel and convention center.

Ok, Opinion writer, we get it, Lehigh students PROBABLY remember the steel complex and the casino because they live fucking ten feet from them…

Who would’ve thought, after all the project’s difficulties that the property could be abandoned - like it was when Bethlehem Steel went bankrupt - so quickly after the casino opened and before the rest of the projects were even completed?

Actually, a lot of people thought that it either wouldn’t do well or shouldn’t be there, so I mean, TECHNICALLY, there are SOME people who would have thought this.. Do you have any other trite ways to start a paragraph?

If it seems like only yesterday when the casino first opened; it’s because it practically was. Memorial Day 2009 brought with it the promise of a new hotspot on the South Side, as well as the 1,000 jobs for local residents promised by Sands Bethlehem President Robert DeSalvio in an April 24, 2009 article in The Brown and White.

OH. MY. GOD. Every opinion writer likely remembers the first time they kept using hackneyed openings to paragraphs because it feels just like yesterday, who would have thought it?

Those jobs might be lost if and when Sands is sold. A recent article in The Express-Times reported the Las Vegas Sands Corporation is seeking to sell the Bethlehem casino.

Woah, hold the horse there, Tonto, where are you getting this information? From the Express-Times article that said it was an unverified rumor? So you’re basically just taking it as fact and running with? Ok. Just Checking.

If you feel like we’ve been played, that’s completely understandable. It’s like casino management bluffed us into believing they had a flush when they were really only holding a low pair. Their promises of a tourism boom and economic benefits to other South Side business ring hollow.

Don’t hate the player, hate the game. OH MAN you used “bluffed” and “a flush” in a fucking article about GAMBLING. FUCK. ME. IN THE JAW.

Now, we’ll just have to wait and see how much of the pot they’ll walk away with.

Editor’s Note: The Sands Casino Resort recently issued a press release stating that “recent rumors of the company’s supposed interest in selling its Sands Casino Resort Bethlehem property, or indefinitely delaying the completion of the hotel and other components of the development, are unfounded” and that the company will assess restarting construction on the rest of the development while it prepares for table games and resumption of hotel construction. Source

OH SNAP!

Ok, in hindsight, I can’t write well and don’t even know what a paragraph is, so keep on keeping on journalism students, being that you’re going to have to get a job blowing homeless people since there are no more newspapers left.

Ok, that is all.

Holy Road RagePALOOZA!!!

So, I did a little road trip this weekend and I find it fascinating the way people drive, deal with other drivers and generally act on the road. You see many people just going about their business, driving along the highway in their stupid SUVs and not really making much of a fuss.

But, then there are those people who speed up when you try to pass them because they are going too slowly. Or those people who tailgate you relentlessly until you let them pass. Or those people who chase you into the woods and then break all of your windows with a hammer…

A Bethlehem road rage incident ended early Sunday morning when a man wielding a hammer smashed out every window of a car, police said.

Police said a Bethlehem man was driving in the 2400 block of East Boulevard about 2 a.m. when he was cut off at a red light by a man driving a red Audi.

The drivers began exchanging comments and the driver of the Audi began to follow the victim, police said.

The victim and his passenger drove onto a dead-end street and ran into the woods to hide from the driver of the Audi, police said.

The Audi driver, wielding a hammer, smashed out every window of the victim’s car, police said. The man is described as white with a scruffy beard and about 5 feet 7 inches tall.

Police ask anyone with information to call the tip line at 610-691-6660. Source

Phew that description is way too close to myself.. I do not drive an Audi, however, I drive a Vespa.

Now, onto the more pressing issue. WHERE THE FUCK DO WE LIVE THAT THIS IS EVEN A CONCERN? Did the guy who was doing the chasing see who these people were? I mean, what if it was two grannies coming back from the Sands at night, would he have still done this? Fucking shit man, let it slide. Let. it. Slide.

Vote For This For-Rizzle Bethlehem Skate Park

This will take you all of three seconds and can possible change the future for some kids who otherwise have nothing else to do than huff stuff… so, seriously…

Click this link, it will take  you to a page with information on the Bethlehem Skate Park’s attempt to get a $250 K grant from PepsiCo…

Vote NOW and the world will be a better place. Because young girls can dress like this more often.

Moravian’s Female Lacrosse Team is Mad as Hell and They Aren’t Taking it Anymore!

*UPDATE: The Lacrosse Team WILL be playing out this season, so go here for the schedule and go in face paint like I am maybe against Muhlenberg because I hate Muhlenberg.

So, remember when Moravian College was like “Hey, everyone has to live on campus so we can reap all the money and lacrosse is the shittiest sport we have so we’re kinda just gonna not have it anymore?” Well, yeah…

There was a big hubub from all the people who live off campus and *yawn* don’t really feel like getting too much into it, but it sucks cause they are losing a slice of freedom and probably a big chunk of dollars.

HOWEVER, what about these poor Lacrosse guys and CHICKS, more importantly, who are now relegated to playing pick up lacrosse games in seedy playgrounds throughout Bethlehem?

So, some of the people, who I will not name, who may or may not be part of any sort of Lacrosse program somewhere maybe or maybe not in the United States of America were nice enough to send along some photos along with  a SUPER SECRET INTERNAL EMAIL from the college…

Here is the email with my translations…

Dear Men and Women of Moravian:

I want to provide you with an update on Moravian’s efforts to respond to the national financial crisis by taking necessary actions to reduce our expenditures to match our anticipated revenues.

Translation: Everyone else in America is having an economic “crisis” so we’re using this time as the best time to tell you that we’re having one too, thus justifying us in making any cutbacks possible so we can keep putting money into our hedge funds.

The Finance Committee of the College Board met on Monday, February 8, 2010, to review the recommendations presented by the Senior Staff for the 2010-2011 budget, much of which I shared with you during my colloquium address in late January.  The Finance Committee approved these recommendations after careful consideration and discussion.

Translation: The bigger words I use, the more less likely you are to continue reading this…

Today we have acted upon the strategic review recommendations regarding program and personnel actions. To balance the budget in FY11, the College will defer hiring personnel in new positions, eliminate and/or restructure some existing staff positions, discontinue men’s and women’s lacrosse at the end of the 2010 season, and trim other program expenditures.

Translation: We will no longer allow water beer pong in the HUB and you will have meatloaf day every fucking day, get used to it. We’re not Lehigh, you’re paying to come here because we have small class sizes, REMEMBER? Also, we are diverse and put black kids faces on all our PR materials.

While personnel and program actions like these are always difficult, they were made as part of our efforts to reduce our operating budget, solidify our core academic and co-curricular programs, and become more affordable for the large majority of our students who receive financial aid from the College.

Translation: I am going to be eating a fucking KOBE BEEF STEAK tonight while you eat some fucking Snack Packs.

I thank everyone who participated in this difficult process for your assistance.

Translation: Hahah, fuck off.

Christopher M. Thomforde
President

To the ladies of the former Moravian Lacrosse team. Today, we tip our hats to you. Anytime you’re having a kegger, totally e-mail me.

Again, I found these photos on the street on some discarded memory card, so don’t email me and ask me where I found them, because I just told you.

Man Moves Chair to Park, Gets Window SMASHED

Ahh, it was only last week when I said that 1. not only is it stupid to reserve spots on public property with chairs merely because you shoveled out the snow, but 2. Even though it IS ILLEGAL to reserve a spot, you probably shouldn’t move that chair because someone will key your car.

Well, I’m super right, apparently.

A 21-year-old Bethlehem man, upset that someone parked a truck in a spot he tried to reserve with a wooden chair, allegedly damaged the truck, spit on the driver’s door, and wrote on the windshield, “Next time you see a chair, you’ll have respect.”

Luis Antonio Vera, of the 900 block of Itaska Street, broke the driver’s side mirror off of Jeff Hartman’s GMC Sierra at 11:30 p.m. Thursday, police said, after Hartman parked in what Vera believed was his personal spot because he had reserved it with a chair.
Vera allegedly used the chair to smash the mirror, spit all over the driver’s door and scrawled his message of respect on the windshield. Hartman told police he went outside to see what the commotion was about and saw a crowd of people cheering on Vera. Hartman went back in his home and retrieved a handgun.
Police said Hartman didn’t flash the weapon, and he has a license to carry it.
Placing objects in the street to reserve parking spots — even spots you broke your back shoveling the snow from — is illegal.
Police cited Vera for criminal mischief and released him. Source

You gotta love the South Side of Bethlehem, possibly the only place where you’ll have a crowd CHEERING on the smashing of someone’s personal property merely because they parked in someone’s space.

So, the moral of the story here is that 1. people are self-righteous pricks nearly 90 percent of the time and 2. even though it’s illegal for someone to reserve a parking spot with a chair, for the love of god, don’t move it…

Johnny Casino Uses Casino Funds Without Telling Council (BAD BOY!!!)

Oh, John Callahan, you crazy little awesome cute mayor you! Aww, you used more than $300,000 of the money the city gets from the casino and didn’t think to clear it though council???? Ohhhh, that’s ok, you’re so cuuuuute, I just want to pinch your cheeks.

Um… yeah, in the real world, this is sort of an issue and I hope Chucky Dent jumps on this shit like Lisa Boscola on the contents of an overturned Jim Beam truck.

Bethlehem City Council on Tuesday reached a consensus to notify the city controller and auditors that Mayor John Callahan’s administration spent $335,000 in casino host fees and other money last year without council’s approval.

Council had also been considering a resolution warning the administration that it will take future action — such as a formal censure or reprimand — if it ever happens again.

Councilwoman Jean Belinski, who had pushed council to consider repercussions, was not at the meeting, and the resolution got no sponsor Tuesday.

”We already expressed our will as strongly as we can. I think it’s time to move on …,” Councilman Gordon Mowrer said. ”If they do it again, they’re in major trouble.”

City business administrator Dennis Reichard, who had apologized in public for the oversight, said after the meeting he has already contacted the auditors.

Council solicitor Christopher Spadoni had recommended against formally censuring the administration on this infraction, saying the money went to legitimate city uses.

While some council members have said they don’t have a problem with what the money was spent on, they resented the administration cutting out council’s check on how taxpayers’ money is spent. Source

I GUESS he used it for SOMETHING that the city needed, it certainly wasn’t plowing the fucking streets, I can tell you that much.

If you go to his spaghetti kick-off tonight, maybe you can ask him why he thought it was OK to use the funds without approval.

The only thing saving his butt in this situation is that 1. he probably used the funds for something that didn’t include hookers and 2. HE’S SOOOO CUUUTTTEEEE

Allentown Wants To Ban Talking on Cell Phone While Driving

Remember when Bethlehem was going to ban texting and driving, but then everyone forgot about it? Well, now Allentown wants to band talking on your hand held phone and driving.

Good idea? Great fucking idea, actually. I can’t tell you the number of times that I’ve seen people doing something stupid in their car, like running a red light, or taking a turn to wide, or not signaling and then I pass them and flip them off and spit on their car and lo and behold they are talking on their cell phones…

I can’t say I have never done this. I generally like to listen to AM radio and would much rather text at a stop light than take a call. I can understand how you might HAVE to take a call if you’re going somewhere long distance, but, for the most part, fucking pull over or something.

As great as this sounds, I don’t see it happening because, as the people go on to say, it’s nearly impossible to enforce.

Allentown leaders are set to join the legally murky debate over whether cities should bar drivers from using cell phones.

Councilman Mike Schlossberg and Mayor Ed Pawlowskischeduled a press conference for this morning to announce their proposal for a ban. They’re expected to be joined by Jacy Good, aMuhlenberg College alumna who’s become a high-profile proponent of outlawing the use of hand-held cell phones by drivers.

Good was critically injured and her parents were killed when their station wagon was involved in a three-vehicle wreck caused by another driver using a cell phone. That driver was cited for failing to obey a traffic signal but faced no major criminal charges. The 2008 crash in Berks County happened hours after Good graduated from the Allentown college.

It was unclear Tuesday exactly how sweeping a measure Schlossberg and Pawlowski will propose today and whether they think their proposal could survive possible legal challenges. While other cities have passed such laws, an upper Bucks County township saw its ban overturned by a judge.

Schlossberg did not return a message Tuesday, and city spokesman Mike Moore said neither the mayor nor the councilman wanted to discuss the proposed law until today.

Questions about how safe it is to use a cell phone while driving have been around for years. The state Department of Transportation reported that the use of hand-held cell phones contributed to 1,049 accidents statewide in 2008, including eight fatalities. Hands-free cell phone use contributed to 50 crashes and no deaths. Source

I just don’t see how enforcement can really be accomplished. Sure, if a cop sees you on your phone, you’re PHUCKED (get it? hahahah) but, no one will really listen to it until something huge happens, like some other person getting really hurt and by that time we’re all going to have the Jupiter Jack in our fucking cars anyway so this article is pointless.

Fake Money at the Sands

So, I may have been pretty hard on the Sands in the past, but it is what it is and it seems to not be a super scourge on humanity in the Lehigh Valley just yet. I have been there more than a few times and must say that it does provide a different change of pace from some of the other places in the area.

ALLL of that being said, there is still going to be some tomfoolery going on there no matter how nice it is or how clean they keep it. It’s a casino, after all, and that’s that. So, just keep an eye on your shit…

Pennsylvania State police at the Sands Casino Resort Bethlehem said a counterfeit $1 bill was found Monday and a woman’s purse was stolen.

The phony currency, identified at 2:24 a.m., came from a bag of cash at St. James Gate Irish Pub, police said.
A 23-year-old woman told police her purse went missing while she played the slots at 12:59 a.m. Police said a casino employee found the purse in a trash can in a women’s bathroom. The woman said $125 was stolen from the purse.
State police believe a man and woman, both in their 30s, may have been involved in the theft. Source

Now, is it the police or the reporter who is deciding on these descriptions. Why even put them them in the paper if they describe nearly a quarter of the entire lehigh valley… We don’t even know what race they are.. ugh.
But, yeah, seriously, never leave your purse unattended… 

Man Dry Humps Sleeping Lady

So, apparently this next story had the term “dry humping” in it before some editor was wise enough to take it out… which is crap. That’s EXACTLY what this guy did and if it’s part of the vernacular, then by all means, use the term because that way I will better understand what the fuck happened.

This is a bit long, but it’s not like you’re fucking really working on Presidents’ Day.

Dustin Hendricks, 23, of Houston, Texas, is accused of assaulting a sleeping woman at 3 a.m. Jan. 31 at a Bethlehem home in the 400 block of Montclair Avenue.

The woman was attending a party at her boyfriend’s home and went to sleep in his bed about 2 a.m., according to court documents. The woman told police she awoke on the edge of the bed with Hendricks standing between her legs rubbing against her, documents say.

When she called for help and told him to stop, Hendricks is accused of putting his hand over her mouth then grabbing her by the neck when she began fighting him off. The victim told police she continued yelling for help. Hendricks eventually let her go and ran out of the room, turning off the lights and shutting the door. The victim chased him down the stairs yelling for someone to stop him, documents say.

Her boyfriend told police he saw Hendricks running down the stairs with his girlfriend chasing him, yelling for someone to stop him.

Hendricks faces charges of simple assault and indecent assault. He was arraigned Wednesday and sent to jail in lieu of $75,000 bail.

Hendricks’ friend, Antonio Williams, told police he lost track of Hendricks at the party. While searching for him, Williams was directed upstairs to a locked bedroom. Williams told police he began knocking on the door and calling for his friend but could only hear someone moaning.

Hendricks eventually unlocked the door, rushed out of the bedroom and ran down the stairs, Williams told police. The victim came running down the stairs after them yelling, “Stop the guy with the spiky hair! He tried to kill me.”

When interviewed by police, Hendricks claimed he went upstairs at 2:30 a.m. with three other guys and smoked a marijuana joint in the bedroom where the victim was sleeping. He claimed the victim was on the bed with her legs toward the bottom of the bed and he sat at the end of the bed.

When they finished smoking the joint, Hendricks told police the other three men left the room and he leaned across the bed to put the joint out in a beer can that was on the night stand. That was when the victim woke up and began “freaking out” and yelling, Hendricks told police. She began swinging at him and Hendricks pushed her hands away to avoid getting hurt.

Hendricks told police that when he got away, Williams was outside of the bedroom, documents say. He told his friend the victim was “crazy” and “freaking out” and that they should leave, Hendricks claims. Source

Well, I think she over reacted just a BIT. I mean, he didn’t try and KILL her, he was just dry humping her unconscious body, which, in and of itself, is pretty creepy, but.. whatever.

You do NOT wake people up with the express purpose of dry humping them unless you’ve previously had sex like within the last two hours… I thought this was an unwritten rule.. no?

Anyway, I couldn’t find this guy, but found a bunch of Dustin Hendrickses on the facebooks...

Yawn……

SNOWPOCALYPSE 2010 (Casino Says it’s No Big Thang)

Ok, So maybe I underestimated the severity of this snow storm. OR maybe I just underestimated the severity of the idiots driving in the snowstorm.

As can be expected 78 is closed as well as a ton of other roads.

Schools are not in session, because kids are pussies.

And people are using the weather as an excuse to not come to work because the government told them to or something. Whatever, they would go to the casino in this weather, I’m sure.

Oh oh, and speaking of the casino, it wants you to go there, even if it means defying the government and possibly dying.

As always, we welcome you to join us at Sands Bethlehem, but please drive carefully! @pa_sandsabout 22 hours ago from web
PA_SandsSands Bethlehem

Considering that most of the people who go to the Sands are senior citizens, wouldn’t this be a direct request of getting them to drive in their 1982 Buicks in AWFUL weather that a tank wouldn’t be suited for in order to make some rich people richer?

Wow, fuck you sands.

So, have a great day and remember to clean off the top of your fucking car. Thanks.

Stripper Pole Dad is Sentenced

Oh, Steven Russo, is this the end of our fun stories on you?

Recap here.

It looks like everyone’s favorite father has been sentenced and perhaps this may be the end of it.

It sucks in these sort of situations because you know that he has to move away or face a life of constant glares. I mean, besides the high fives he probably gets at the Adult Book store, I don’t there are many people in the community who want anything to do with a dude that set up a sex den for teenagers and encouraged cheerleaders to learn some exercises on a stripper poll in his basement.

So, Russo, if you ever want to have a drink or go on the record, finally, then e-mail me and get your side of the story out!

A Bethlehem Township, Pa., man known as the “stripper pole dad” pleaded guilty to furnishing alcohol charges for a teen drinking party held at his home.

Steven A. Russo, 37, admitted to knowing teens ranging in ages from 14 to 17 were drinking alcohol in his home and he allowed it to continue.

Police also claimed Russo encouraged girls dressed as cheerleaders to dance on a stripper pole in his basement, but prosecutors dropped charges related to those claims.

Judge Stephen Baratta sentenced Russo to six months to one year in prison, followed by two years probation.

The sentence will be served concurrent to three to 23 months in prison Russo was sentenced to after a jury found him guilty of stalking. Russo faces a total six-month to 23-month-sentence followed by two years probation for both charges. He will also be eligible for work release.

Russo, clean shaven and wearing a dark suit, spoke very little during the court proceedings this morning, often only answering “yes sir.”

Assistant District Attorney Patricia Broscius had said she had a series of students ready to testify in the drinking party trial. Today Broscius said the witnesses’ memories were fading.

Russo is still requesting the judge reconsider his prison sentence for stalking his ex-girlfriend. Baratta said he will rule on that request later. Source

He was “clean-shaven.”? I’m glad the reporter took the time to make that statement, obviously implying that he is a scumbag who doesn’t shave often.

Again, I love how the media makes you think shit while still saying they are impartial because “it’s the truth.” Sure, it’s the truth that he is clean-shaven, but the implications behind writing a statement outweigh the truth of the statement.

In OTHER news… I wonder if he’s having a coming home party.

At least a GOING to jail party?

C’mon Russo, it’ll be just us adults.

Man Steals Women’s Razors and .. a Pear? (Also, Nic Cage Sucks)

So, I hate Nic Cage. Honestly, I think he is the worst actor to ever become famous. He’s just awful. I can’t watch Ghost Rider without once getting up and going to the bathroom to puke. Then I go back in and am compelled to stab my eyeballs with sharpened chop sticks.

I don’t get it. Isn’t America kinda based on how good you are? HE’S AWFUL!!! Channing Tatum could out act this buffoon, yet he continues to show up in movie after movie… what . the. fuck.

Despite all of his faults (NEXT, CON AIR, FACE/OFF, GHOST RIDER, etc. ad nauseam,) he did have ONE good line ever…

“I could eat a peach for hours”

Apparently, so could this guy…

A Bethlehem Township man allegedly had heroin on him after he was stopped for trying to steal women’s razors and a pear Friday afternoon from Ahart’s Market. Michael Wodyka, (Could be his Facebook Page) 22, of Regal Road, was charged with theft and drug possession. Source

So, yeah. I have no idea what you’d want to do with both of those items unless:

1. You are obviously mentally ill.
2. You’re really drunk.
3. You plan on shaving a peach then eating it.
4. You have watched too many Nic Cage movies.