Say it Ain’t So, Celtic Fest. Say it Ain’t So.

NooOOoOOOoO. NO. and NO! Ok, so NOW I CARE about the recession.

Celtic Fest is ahurting and, you know what? I could deal with Musikfest hurting a bit. I could deal with that because Musikfest is way too crowded most of the time. I have to wade through a rash of sweaty, overweight people who smell like fried orioes and B.O.

I have to wade down my beloved Main Street as it is overtaken by teenagers figuring out how to orgasm while applying black lipstick and trying on Hollister shirts.

I have to deal with a corporate fucking DELUGE that makes me want to rip out every ATM and chuck it in the Monocacy while brushing my teeth with the toothpaste that some college student trying to make $9 an hour was hope raped into giving away throughout the week.

No, Celtic Fest is my savior. It’s the festival of the good at heart. It’s the place where men can wear skirts and be MORE MANLY than anyone else there.

I want to make a baby there.

And, Now, THIS!?!?!?!

Reeling from the rainfall that devastated last year’s Celtic Classic, organizers have laid off the festival’s three-person staff — including the executive director — and are launching a new fundraiser to ensure the festival goes on this year.

The fundraiser, dubbed the Hell or High Water Kilted Celt Crawl and Walk, will include piping and dancing as participants walk from the Sun Inn Courtyard down Main Street and across the Fahy Bridge to south Bethlehem, where there will be entertainment and time to grab a drink before the trek back.

While not mandatory, participants are encouraged to wear a kilt at the 2 p.m. May 17 parade as they try to raise $50,000.

”We’re hoping to get a thousand people or more on this walk,” said Neville Gardner, Donegal Square owner and Celtic Classic trustee, at a news conference Monday.

Celtic Classic began in 1988 as a volunteer group to bring a bit of Irish, Scottish and Welsh culture to Bethlehem and became an annual international event for athletes who compete in the Highland Games.

As the free festival — which draws 250,000 people in good weather — grew, staff was hired to help guide the festival and create educational programs, especially in the schools.

But the remnants of Hurricane Ivan hit in September 2004, a week before the three-day event , damaging tents and other equipment. Leaders said they had to take out a $60,000 line of credit and have never fully recovered.

Federal tax records for the organizers, Celtic Cultural Alliance, show the festival lost $23,470 in 2007 and carried over a loss of $17,952 from the previous year. 

Good GOD DAMN! We cannot let Celtic Fest DIE! This is not OK. This is a bad fucking thing. THANKFULLY, we have a mayor with some nuts (even though he’s kinda metrosexual)

Mayor John Callahan said he would be organizing teams of walkers from City Hall.

”As an Irish mayor in the city of Bethlehem,” Callahan said, ”Celtic Classic won’t go down on my watch.” Source

You bet your kinda faggy ass Callahan! (My sister in law wanted to bone the last mayor, Cunningham. She would tell my brother all the time. I think it pissed him off.)

People, do your fucking part and give this organization money so I can continue to pretend I’m not a rampaging alcoholic for one week of the year since everyone’s doing it. Thanks. Thank you.

The Hell or High Water Kilted Celt Crawl and Walk hopes to raise $50,000.

When: 2 p.m. May 17

Registration fee: $25

For more information: 610-868-9599