To Cell or Not to Cell? (AKA The Day Mario Andretti Tried to Kill Me)

Look at me! I am driving! I’m also on the phone because I have to take this super important business call! Look at me swerving into your lane in my Jaguar! Look at me give you the finger because you’re a fucktart!

Look at me! I am texting with my baby in the backseat while I’m driving on 22! It’s OK though because, “I do it all the time.” Look at me crash into median!

Look at me! I have a hands free device on my face and it looks like I’m on Star Trek! I want to make it look as though I’m talking to myself and have a personality disorder!

Pennsylvania voters overwhelmingly support a ban on using hand-held cell phones while driving, a new poll shows. It’s a move the state Legislature has resisted for years.

By 85 percent to 13 percent, voters in the Quinnipiac University survey back a proposal that would make the practice illegal.

Support was widespread among all voters, regardless of their political affiliation. Cell-phone users — four out of five of the respondents — were equally supportive.

The survey comes as advocates for a ban say chances are improving that the Legislature will soon act, arguing that attitudes in Harrisburg have finally caught up to public opinion. Still, proposals to ban hand-held cell-phone use by drivers have been floating around the Capitol for a decade. Source

No matter what your feelings are on the subject, the car is not your fucking living room. The only reason you should be on the phone in a car is if:

1. It’s on fire and you need to let someone know.
2. You locked your kid/dog in it. (correction, this would only be suitable IF you were driving someone else’s car while you locked your kid/dog in your own car, just to be clear, ok?)
3. You’re lost and you don’t have a GPS or Mexican kid holding a map in the trunk.
4. You forgot where the bar was.

There really is no other fucking reason to put yourself at that risk. But, we still do it? Why, because we’re all fucking Mario Andretti and we apparently can not even think about…

Holy shit!!! I just remembered this. When I was about 16 years old there was a state of emergency for the entire state of Pennsylvania due to a blizzard, so the Governor or whoever shut down all the roads. So, me and my buddy go out for a run in the country on this snow filled road, not a car in site. We’re going around a bend when we hear a rumbling behind us. We know SOMETHING is coming and we have to literally DIVE into the snowbanks on the side of the road to avoid a blue conversion van plowing at a high rate of speed.

Who’s driving? That’s right, me and my friend were almost killed by Mario Andretti while he was driving a conversion van in the back roads of Pike County in the winter of 1997 WHILE HE WAS ON A CELL PHONE.

Now, you may not believe this story to be true, but he does, in fact, own land up in that area. We knew he had a “compound” of sorts near my friend’s house and we would routinely hear him and his Italian buddies racing snowmobiles and the like from time to time, but he was rarely ever seen out and about.

He must have figured that since he was such a great fucking driver he could venture out into the snow and almost kill to handsome teenagers in their prime! No, not even YOU Mario Andretti is capable of driving safely while on the cell phone.