Comedic Criminals Make Me Smile

And by “smile” I mean “vomit.”

Remember in high school or middle school where you had those kids who always were like “I don’t care” or “Whatever” when they were faced with punishment because they wanted to be looked on as aloof and non-deterred as a way to appear either more dangerous or dominant? In reality, they weren’t acting out some sort of commendable nihilistic philosophy inasmuch as they were rationalizing their failures and exchanging a possible hopeful future for false admiration.

Wow, HOW ABOUT THAT on a Wednesday?

Well these guys continue to do it…

The two Bethlehem men charged in an East Market Street home invasion robbery said today that they’re “not bad people” but that they robbed the house because they were desperate for money. 

Luis Martinez, 26, and Jeremiah Nieves, 24, said they were especially hurting for money around the time of the June 20 robbery because both their daughters’ birthdays were that month. 

“We’re not bad people, we’re just desperate,” Martinez said in court before this morning’s arraignment.

“We just needed some money,” Nieves added. 

Nieves and Martinez said they feared the kidnapping charge would earn them an especially long prison sentence. 

“I should have robbed a bank for all this,” Nieves said. “We’ll probably do more time than the guy in Northampton who shanked those four people. We’ll probably do more time than he did for homicide.” 

Nieves and Martinez said they wanted to waive their preliminary hearings because they want to start serving their time in state prison. 

“I hope they don’t keep me in county for too long. I want to go upstate,” Nieves said. 

“Let’s speed this up, let’s get upstate,” Martinez said. “The only thing that’s stressing me out is my family. Otherwise this doesn’t bother me.” 

Nieves, who was shot in both the chest and the arm, lamented his injuries. He had trouble picking up paperwork and he had a small bandage on his inner right arm. Lehigh County District Attorney Jim Martin has said preliminary evidence indicates Allentown police officer Ryan Koons’ use of force against Nieves was justified. 

“My hand is messed up, man,” Nieves said to Martinez. “They tried to kill me, man. I died on the way to the hospital.” 

“They revived you, man?” Martinez asked. 

“Yeah, thank God,” Nieves responded. 

In Northampton County, both men face charges of kidnapping, robbery, aggravated assault, conspiracy, reckless endangerment, unlawful restraint, theft, possession of an instrument of crime, possession of a prohibited offensive weapon, receiving stolen property and access device fraud. Source

 You know, the woman whose house they entered called the cops again like a few days later because she thought someone was in her home again. So, basically, she’s emotionally scarred and will probably not ever recover 100% after what these men did to her. And, they, instead of finding a job or AT LEAST committing a crime that didn’t directly affect someone’s mental or emotional state (like stealing some copper wire or something and trading it) choose to just bust into a home and think it’s not big deal.

Head upstate kids, where you’re totally going to be a bitch. Peace.