July Fourth Drunken Weekend Round Up

I kinda did nothing great this weekend. Which, in a way is a testament to how borin… oh oh wait, I forgot that last night I went to a friend’s house in Allentown and drank all this Sangria and then ended up singing Robert Palmer on Wii karaoke followed by some sort of Charlie Manson powwow reenactment in the backyard with me and four grown women.

Yeah, I guess it was cool…

A 55-year-old Allentown man wanted on a warrant in New Jersey was found drunk at Westgate Mall on Friday morning. John Randall Guinta, when asked if he had been drinking, told police, “three years ago.” He was charged with public drunkenness and being a fugitive.

SOOO the best “have you been drinking?” comeback I have ever read. Filing this one away.

A 14-year-old boy was charged with harassing a 15-year-old girl via Facebook. The boy allegedly sent the girl lewd messages about sex and drugs. He was referred to Northampton County Juvenile Detention.

Waiiiit a minute. You can go to jail for that? Crap. *deletes all internet history*

A 15-year-old boy had a bottle of Jack Daniel’s whiskey in his backpack Saturday night at the Northwest Little League field in the 1600 block of Valley Road. The boy was cited for underage possession of alcohol.

Idiot. You don’t bring the BOTTLE. You put the alcohol into another container and THEN drink it at the little league game. Stupid.

A 23-year-old man was kicking doors and propane tanks in the 100 block of Union Station Plaza on Saturday night. Ronald Reider had a 0.36 blood alcohol level — more than four times the legal limit to drive — and told police that he would “knock them out” for calling his parents. He was charged with public drunkenness and defiant trespass.

“What are you doing, son?”

“Oh, just kicking doors and propane tanks.”

“Ok, don’t wanna get knocked out, so carry on.”

A 34-year-old city man fired a large aerial mortar firework Sunday night from the area behind Diamonz night club. Johnathan Rowe’s fireworks — a large number of mortars and other missiles — were seized and he was charged with possession of fireworks. Source

Another large set of “missiles” were seized INSIDE Diamonz night club, if you know what I’m sayin… right… righhhht?