Dog Saves Owner (But, Cmon!)

So, we’ve heard this a million times. There is a tragedy (fire/earthquake/ran out of milkbones) and an unassuming pet named (Rocco/Beasely/Prince) wakes up the owner just in time before the house they are in (burns to the ground/gets sucked into hell/is completely fine and dog is just hungry.)

A poodle named Skippy is responsible for saving the life of his owner early this morning when a fire broke out at a trailer in Oxford Township.

Rose Marino, 65, was fast asleep at 3:38 this morning when Skippy started barking and nudging her. When she opened her eyes, she saw flames along one wall and heard her smoke detectors, according to Warren County Fire Marshal Joe Lake. Source

Sounds GREAT! No one really wants that woman to die since we don’t know what’s she done. Let’s just assume she’s innocent of anything bad. However, whenever I hear a story like this it makes me think about my own dog and why I get nudged and barked at….the dog wants something.

Let’s think about it for a minute. They are in a house that is one fire and/or filling with smoke. The woman is sleeping. The dog, sensing that it is going to fucking die by being burnt into a doggy crisp realizes that the only way it EVER GETS OUTSIDE is for the OWNER to open the door. So, what does the dog do? IT WAKES UP IT’S OWNER SO IT WILL LIVE. This is all Ayn Rand shit here people.

Don’t tell me that if that dog had an open door it wouldn’t be hightailing it (literally.)

People like these stories because they like little doggies and kitties and monkeys saving the day. The doggies and kitties are just saving themselves and you happen to be the only thing it knows that knows how to turn a dorknob.

Moral of story: Do not teach your pet too many incredible tricks. Otherwise, you’re fucked in a flood.