Nazareth Councilman Drunk on Steering Wheel, Doesn’t Get DUI?

I’m no legal genius (I am however, a lyrical genius but that’s another story) BUT, if you’re drunk and behind the wheel, whether or not the car is started, that’s a DUI in Pennsylvania, correct?

Do the keys have to be in the ignition? What if you have The Club installed on it? Does anyone use The Club anymore? How can safety be a fad? 

But yeah, if this guy was in the passenger seat, then maybe there is more of a gray area here but… this seems… pretty… 

A Nazareth Borough councilman and longtime Nazareth Area School Board member was found drunk in his car with an open bottle of vodka, police said tonight.

Christian Audenried was slumped over the steering wheel of a car at 7:50 p.m. Jan. 8 in a parking lot outside a Giant grocery store in Lower Nazareth Township, according to Colonial Regional Police. Police said the 49-year-old was slow to respond and had the open bottle on the passenger seat.

Police said Audenried will receive a summons for public drunkenness.

Audenried didn’t return a request for comment today. The grocery store where Audenried was found is on the 800 block of Nazareth Pike, a little more than a mile from his home on the first block of North Whitfield Street. SOURCE: The Express-Times

Again, no expert here, but… if I were to walk by that on my way back to my car to drop off my groceries in my trunk, I’d say to myself “Yep, that’s a DUI.”

Also, since everyone is petitioning The White House for all this stupid crap, and thinking that their petitions matter (when, in reality, it’s a brilliant ploy to get people to think that their ideas are being heard, thus “keeping them off the lawn”) I am going to start my own petition to have the official word for a car’s trunk in America changed to “boot” like in England.

Wow that sentence was fucking long.