Moravian’s Female Lacrosse Team is Mad as Hell and They Aren’t Taking it Anymore!

*UPDATE: The Lacrosse Team WILL be playing out this season, so go here for the schedule and go in face paint like I am maybe against Muhlenberg because I hate Muhlenberg.

So, remember when Moravian College was like “Hey, everyone has to live on campus so we can reap all the money and lacrosse is the shittiest sport we have so we’re kinda just gonna not have it anymore?” Well, yeah…

There was a big hubub from all the people who live off campus and *yawn* don’t really feel like getting too much into it, but it sucks cause they are losing a slice of freedom and probably a big chunk of dollars.

HOWEVER, what about these poor Lacrosse guys and CHICKS, more importantly, who are now relegated to playing pick up lacrosse games in seedy playgrounds throughout Bethlehem?

So, some of the people, who I will not name, who may or may not be part of any sort of Lacrosse program somewhere maybe or maybe not in the United States of America were nice enough to send along some photos along with  a SUPER SECRET INTERNAL EMAIL from the college…

Here is the email with my translations…

Dear Men and Women of Moravian:

I want to provide you with an update on Moravian’s efforts to respond to the national financial crisis by taking necessary actions to reduce our expenditures to match our anticipated revenues.

Translation: Everyone else in America is having an economic “crisis” so we’re using this time as the best time to tell you that we’re having one too, thus justifying us in making any cutbacks possible so we can keep putting money into our hedge funds.

The Finance Committee of the College Board met on Monday, February 8, 2010, to review the recommendations presented by the Senior Staff for the 2010-2011 budget, much of which I shared with you during my colloquium address in late January.  The Finance Committee approved these recommendations after careful consideration and discussion.

Translation: The bigger words I use, the more less likely you are to continue reading this…

Today we have acted upon the strategic review recommendations regarding program and personnel actions. To balance the budget in FY11, the College will defer hiring personnel in new positions, eliminate and/or restructure some existing staff positions, discontinue men’s and women’s lacrosse at the end of the 2010 season, and trim other program expenditures.

Translation: We will no longer allow water beer pong in the HUB and you will have meatloaf day every fucking day, get used to it. We’re not Lehigh, you’re paying to come here because we have small class sizes, REMEMBER? Also, we are diverse and put black kids faces on all our PR materials.

While personnel and program actions like these are always difficult, they were made as part of our efforts to reduce our operating budget, solidify our core academic and co-curricular programs, and become more affordable for the large majority of our students who receive financial aid from the College.

Translation: I am going to be eating a fucking KOBE BEEF STEAK tonight while you eat some fucking Snack Packs.

I thank everyone who participated in this difficult process for your assistance.

Translation: Hahah, fuck off.

Christopher M. Thomforde
President

To the ladies of the former Moravian Lacrosse team. Today, we tip our hats to you. Anytime you’re having a kegger, totally e-mail me.

Again, I found these photos on the street on some discarded memory card, so don’t email me and ask me where I found them, because I just told you.