Dear Person Using Chairs to Save Their Parking Space

Dear Person Who Put Out a Chair to Save Their Public Parking Space,

You’re a dick.

I understand that you shoveled out this space so that your car could leave the spot. I understand that there was a lot of snow and that it probably took you a good 10-15 minutes to get it so that you could get your car out. Sadly, even though you have put the muscle into cleaning the spot, the sad thing is that your effort does not effectively qualify as even one day of Parking Space rental money.

But, look at you, you cleaned out the whole parking space and you DESERVE that spot. So, you claim it like the first men on the moon or the first person to climb everest, by diving your very own symbolic item into its foothold. In those other cases, they used a flag, but in yours, you will use a white plastic lawn chair or an upside down garbage can or a summer chair that won’t see the light of day for a few more months. I mean, this is YOUR SPOT. Right?

No. And I will tell you why. BECAUSE YOU DON’T FUCKING OWN THE SPOT. So, you’re telling me that if you went to a cemetery and cleaned off a headstone you own that grave? If you went to the park and raked up some leaves you own the swing set? It. Doesn’t. Fucking. Work. That. Way.

Yeah, it sucks, you were snowed in, as was everyone else that had to also drive into work. And, it’s great that you show enough personal responsibility to do what you need to do to get to work. But, that’s as far as it goes. You can’t just “claim” a piece of public property for yourself.

But, you know what happens? No one will take that spot because they know that if they do, and you come back, you’ll key their fucking car. So, you’ll end up keeping your spot and will pass on this type of behavior to your children, who will go on to be the type of people who not only claim a public parking spot for themselves, but are also too lazy to clean off the top of their cars before they hit the road.

Fuck you sincerely,

LVwithLOVE