I’m Sorry I Robbed You. Please Arrest Me. Love, Idiot.

I’m no criminal. Even if I was one, I’m not saying I’d be a good one. However, if I was to, say, steal someone’s checkbook and then cash a phony check I’m PRETTY sure the LAST thing I would do is notify that person of my crime because I harbored some sort of remorse.

A Phillipsburg man faces charges after he allegedly stole a checkbook from a city home Thursday night and then left a letter apologizing for the crime in the home’s mail slot, court records say.

According to court records:

Henry Rodriguez, 29, climbed through Nancy Marshall’s window in the first block of North Delaware Drive and stole a checkbook. Rodriguez allegedly forged a check for $2,500 and cashed it.

Marshall was able to identify who broke into her house because Rodriguez left a letter in her mailbox apologizing for the crime. He allegedly stole the checks because he needed the money.

Police contacted Rodriguez and he was arrested Friday. He was charged with burglary, forgery and theft, and was sent to Northampton County Prison in lieu of $10,000 bail. Source

I think that my note would go more like this:

Dear Nancy Marshall,

Hi. I totally stole your  checkbook after I climbed through your window. It’s fucking February! Who leaves their window open? I mean, it wasn’t that hard to get past your complicated security system comprised of an open window that basically said “Please rob me, I have either 100% faith in the niceness of people or I’m suffering from early onset of dementia.”

Either way, I’m totally going to cash you checks after I badly forge your signature. That should also probably cause you to question what bank you bank at if a Hispanic male can easily take in one of your checks with a poorly copied rendition of your signature and walk away with $2,500

I’m not sayin’ I’m jussaying.

Love,

Henry Rodriguez

P.S. I took a soda too. My bad.