A Saturday of Terror at Aladdin and Brew Works (And Swords and Drunken Men)

I’m not sure if there is going to be a police report filed on this event since I don’t know if this dude was arrested, but, I’m going to tell the story anyway.

So, on Saturday I went out with a few friends for a going away party for a friend of mine who is going to Costa Rica for a few months to scuba dive and basically be a bum. We went to the Aladdin in Allentown which, while small, is full of ladies giving belly dances and some pretty interesting atmosphere.

At one point the super hot 40-year-old belly dancer (with a body that would make Angelina Jolie slit her wrists) put a sword on her head. So, my buddy is coming out of the bathroom at this time and in-between his path from the bathroom to our tables in the back is the lady with the sword on her head. Keep in mind that she has been dancing with patrons all night. He wanted no part of this and tried to get by her.

No dice. Sword lady stepped to the left. He stepped to the right. Sword lady matched his move. So, apparently he said fuck it and started to do some awful variation of “The Carlton” before getting back to our table.

Then five people proceeded to suck the helium out of seven entire balloons and recite poetry.

The table behind us was not amused, but our server was hot.

Shit, the story hasn’t even started yet.

So, everyone is really drunk but we decided that we still needed to head out and Bethlehem Brew Works seemed like a good spot that could accommodate the 15 or so super ethnically blended group that we were.

We get there and everything’s fine. Night gets longer and people end up leaving so a friend of mine and I start up a game of pool.

We were playing with some guys who were basic Brew Works dudes.. suits too big for them, loosened neck ties. Some guy named Raj REPEATEDLY kept asking me to bet “Five Large” on the game until I told him that if I wanted to gamble I’d go to the Sands and I’d much rather gamble on how many times he gets laid in a month with an over under of .5 (hands not included.)

Now, at this time, some other guy is in the process of getting booted from the bar. It seemed like a pretty easy boot. He didn’t seem to be putting up much of a fight. So, the guy turns around and starts heading to the door and MUST have said something because the bouncer grabs him from behind and puts him in some “bouncer lock” that they teach you at bouncer school and basically picks him up, takes him to the main doors of Steelgaarden and THROWS him out the doors. THROWS The guy as if he was a piece of poo poo.

Bouncer then shuts the door and we think, “Eh, I’m going to try and put the nine in the top right.”

But, NooOOooOO the guy, who at this point was down on the ground outside Steelgaarden (but still inside Main Street Commons) takes offense to getting chucked outside and bum rushes the door at full feral ferret speed, punching and kicking at the plate glass all while screaming in tongues.

The guy backs off and it looks like he’s leaving while heading down the hall. The bouncer then opens the door up and says something and dude starts charging back like Carl Lewis on Meth and LEAPS off his feet just before the bouncer shuts the door and the guy crushes into it, smacking the glass with his feet only to land on his back.

This banter of screaming and punching goes on for a good ten minutes. The guy even tried to get in the back door but was cut off at the pass by a team of security personnel.

Apparently they called the cops as the guy ran across the bridge on Broad Street.

I ended up sinking the nine ball.