The HORSE Started the Fight, Judge.

Wow, so after talking with Owasso, Oklahoma city council members for the last freaking two hours via e-mail regarding their upcoming litigation against the city of Allentown I was FINALLY able to get to this post. Thank god.

So, I had this girlfriend in high school who rode horses all the time and I was like “Gay, a horse is just a unicorn without a horn…” Anyway, I always wondered why she was so fucking into riding her horse all the damn time and would go to the stupid smelly stable all the damn time when I wanted to hang out and watch movies with Jennifer Lopez in them and whatever.

Then one day I was watching her ride the horse around in some indoor horse arena or whatever you call it and I figured it out.

And I was like, “WHAT. THE. FUCK?”

Anyway…

Remember the guys who fought a horse at Musikfest? Well, they are saying the horse started it first.

A Bethlehem Township man whose push of a police horse at Musikfesttouched off a melee that ended with police hitting his brother with a stun gun, said he’s got an explanation.

He says the horse started it.

Attorneys for Andrew Mutchler, 22, of Hecktown Road, said Mutchler meant no harm to the police horse named “Flash” while Bethlehem police tried to clear Musikfest Aug. 1, but the massive animal stepped on his foot, so he had to push him.

Mutchler’s push of the horse, as police cleared Main Street, touched off a melee in which his brother, Matthew, jumped into the fracas and got hit with the stun gun when he resisted arrest.

Andrew Mutchler’s attorney, Matthew Trapani, filed a motion today asking Northampton County Judge Edward Smith to dismiss charges of taunting a police animal.

“The horse started the whole thing,” Trapani said outside Smith’s courtroom. “When a 1,500-pound animal steps on your foot, you have no choice but to push him. He meant no harm.”

Trapani said he has medical records of Mutchler’s injured foot, but assistant district attorney Patricia Mulqueen isn’t buying it.

“There was no evidence at the preliminary hearing that the horse stepped on his foot and no witnesses to that,” Mulqueen said, noting that this is the first she’s heard this defense. Source

So Judge Mulqueen has heard the “The horse started it” defense before? Is this some sort of defense that you are taught before you pass the Bar? How many times could she have POSSIBLY heard from a defendant that the-horse-started-the-fist-fight-at-a-music-festival-that-resulted-in-my-being-tased defense???? Seriously?

In other news, if I was stepped on by a horse, I think my first reaction would not be to punch it, but rather run the hell away from it. And, if that wasn’t the case, I think I’d tell the officer, kindly, that his fucking horse stepped on me and then I’d curl up in a ball in pain.

It was because she was getting off on the saddle ok? JESUS.