Scooters are Cool. Even if You Get Shot on Them.

In college, I was way ahead of my time. See, I had a scooter. One of those Vespa type scooters. And everyone was all like “Wow, you’re super gay for having a scooter.” And I turned my nose in the air and rode my scooter to and fro around town, to the cafeteria, to chick’s houses, to the hot dog shop, down to the river, to look at ducks, etc. I didn’t care that people saw my scooter as some sort of threat to their masculinity. I liked my scooter and it liked me and although it had a hard time getting up some hills, it was still a nice piece of machinery.

In fact, I look back fondly on my scooter period and realize that it was important in my own self development and allowed me to be someone who wasn’t just able to ride a scooter, but was also able to buck cool social opinion in favor of one own’s personal enjoyment.

I didn’t hurt nobody, I just rode my scooter.

NOW EVERYONE has a freaking scooter. It’s like Milan out there. Everyone’s like “oh scooter’s are sooooo coooool.” Yeah, well, buddy. I started that shit. I should get some sort of kickback.

My scooter is now in the hands of some chick I sold it to awhile back. I hope she’s treating it well. I had an awesome Radiohead sticker on it.

Anyway, I don’t think this kid will be riding his scooter any time soon.

Almost two days after four people were shot at a Halloween party in Tunkhannock Township, a 17-year-old boy riding a scooter was hit in a drive-by shooting in the same development, Pocono Mountain Regional police said.

The boy, who was not identified, was taken to Community Medical Center in Scranton last night where he underwent emergency surgery for a gunshot wound to the abdomen.

Pocono Mountain Regional police said that the boy was riding his scooter at 5:30 p.m. yesterday on Glade Drive South in the Emerald Lakes development when a gold or beige Jeep Wrangler approached him. As the Jeep passed him, he was shot and fell to the ground. The Jeep sped off toward Long Pond Road, police said. Source

He wasn’t shut with a fucking paintgun kids. He was shot with a bullet. Like the ones you see on TV.

HOLY FUCK, I’m almost glad this is a bit north and not in the Valley, because if someone is out there targeting people on scooters…. well, then there is not only an awesome B movie script in the works, but a lot of trendy chicks who are getting to work are going to be at risk.