The Lehigh Valley. Allentown, Bethlehem, Easton and everything, and everyone, in-between.
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Sure, a Hookah Lounge in Allentown Sounds Like a GREAT Idea!!!

I have never been to a Hookah Lounge, nor do I make any claims to know any more about it than what I’ve read or seen in movies.

Apparently it’s the Middle Eastern equivalent of a Cigar Bar. That being said, if I were to open one of these “Hookah Lounges” in the Lehigh Valley, I would assume I would be looking for clientele who were middle class to possibly upper class looking for something that the area currently doesn’t offer.

I don’t think I’d be putting it SMACK in the center of the worst place to be on a Friday and Saturday night at 2 a.m. anywhere in the Lehigh Valley.

Why? Because, let’s fucking face it. The word “Hookah” doesn’t exactly conjure up ideas of the community coming together to build new playgrounds. What it does conjure up is the idea of illegal drug trade with a pretty face on the outside.

Two brothers want to open the Valley’s first hookah lounge, saying the Arab-American equivalent of a cigar parlor would attract young professionals from across the region.

”There is a very high demand for a hookah lounge in the Lehigh Valley, which has a large Arab-American community. Right now, the closest lounge is in
Philadelphia,” Jafar Abuyounis said Monday.

Abuyounis and his brother Hamzeh Abuyounis will have to wait until next month to see if their dream comes true after the Allentown Zoning Hearing Board delayed a decision on their application Monday.

The lounge, if approved, would become the first tenant at the newly renovated Union Street Plaza at Second and Union streets.

The building, which has struggled to attract tenants, was home to Lehigh River Bait and Bow for nearly 20 years.

The site is zoned limited industrial, and a hookah lounge is a prohibited use in the zone.

The 1,500 square-feet lounge would open primarily at night and provide a soothing atmosphere where people can listen to live music and smoke tobacco, often flavored, through a hookah — called an arghile (ah-GEE-la) in Arabic culture.

The hookah allows smoke to pass through water before being drawn through a hose and mouthpiece.

For those of you who don’t know, Union and Second street is also near the location of the former Banana Joe’s, whatever the fuck it’s called now, and the dance club across the street that gets shut down every week. The Sterling Hotel and a homeless shelter are about half a block up…

Sure, go ahead, fucking put this thing in and I’ll give it a month. There is just no way that this idea, whether it’s steeped in a good business place or not, won’t be overrun within a week by those who want to use it for other purposes than smoking fucking tabacco.

However, if that chick from Aladdin shows up, I’m game.

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Bethlehem Boy Shoots Boy, Charged as Man

I’ve made it clear before that I don’t like CSI. Many people I know feel the same way, however, you have to understand that a lot of the shit they do on the show is rooted in truth, it just takes months instead of, say, a commercial break, to do all that scientific mumbo jumbo.

So, a 16 year old Bethlehem kid who has a gun with the serial numbers filed off “accidentally” shoots his buddy in the stomach and he’s like “Oh no I didn’t.” Then the cops whipped out their neon super ultra light detectors and were like “Oh, Shiznits. Yes you did.”

An 11th grade Liberty High School student is charged with shooting a 17-year-old boy on Wednesday and then lying to police about what happened, according to court records.

Darrell Maurice Turner, 16, was inside a bedroom at his Itaska Street home when the unidentified boy was shot.

Police said the boy was taken to St. Luke’s Hospital-Fountain Hill where he needed surgery for a gunshot wound to his abdomen.

Turner told police the boy had accidentally shot himself, but a gunshot residue test showed gunpowder on Turner’s hand, not the victim’s, according to court records.

The victim later told police Turner was trying to remove a magazine from a .40-caliber gun Turner kept under his mattress when the gun went off and struck him.

Turner, who is being charged as an adult, is in prison on $25,000 bail on charges of aggravated assault, discharging a firearm into an occupied structure, simple assault, reckless endangerment, false reports to law enforcement, tampering with physical evidence, possession of a firearm by a minor and possession of a firearm with an altered manufacturer’s number.

This kid’s life is pretty much fucked now. He’s being charged as an adult at 16, which means he probably had other brushes with the man, and he’s probably going to do some jail time, get his GED, find Jesus along the way and end up teaching your kid in some church related preschool activity session in about five years.

Yeah judicial system!

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Is the Lone Ranger Really That Lonely?

Did you ever wonder, like I did, what certain people did when they weren’t working?

Imagine your job is to play Mickey Mouse at Disney World. That is your serious and no bullshit job. You probably get a good paycheck and it might even not be that shitty of a gig. I’m sure you get full health benefits and scheduled combings. But, what do you say when you head out on your first date?

"I’m an entertainer?" "I am a character actor?" "I dress up in a fucking furry suit all day and pretend to be a anthropomorphous mouse?"

What about the carnies? The small town that I lived in had a yearly county fair and all these fucking weirdos would set up shop for a week and try and get you to pop a baloon so you could get some shitty mirror with a print of the Budweiser logo on it.

What the FUCK do they do at Christmas time? Do they have homes?

What about the guy who plays the Phillie Phantic? I mean, he has to make BANK, but what does he do during the winter?

I’m fascinated by the perceived lives I have all these people living in my head, when, in reality, it’s probably a lot shittier. For example, do you remember any of those people who would come to your elementary school and put on performances with hand puppets and shit? I would like to think that they live in mansions on some gilded hill, but most likely they are drinking away their bad choices at the local pub…

Cause, I like to believe that the guy who plays Mickey Mouse at Disney World gets fucking laid a lot.

But… I doubt it.

A tribute artist portraying the legendary character of old time radio and 1950s television, the Lone Ranger and his trusty white horse Silver, will appear at the Allentown Farmers Market Saturday.

It’s part of a weekend of festivities celebrating the market’s 56th anniversary. The festivities include the annual Taste of the Market sampling event on Thursday night and specials throughout the weekend.

The Lone Ranger has been traveling across the country perpetuating the spirit of The Lone Ranger. The masked cowboy promotes non-violence, no drugs, no drinking, no smoking, no profanity and respect for truthfulness and decency.

The Long Ranger will be at the upper end of the market parking lot 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. At noon he’ll do a 40-minute show of tricks. He’ll also talk about he history of the Lone Ranger, gun safety, the cowboys of the west and the Ted Flowers western silver saddle on Silver.

The Lone Ranger is hot these days. Producer
Jerry Bruckheimer of “Pirates of the Caribbean” fame is working on a “Lone Ranger” film for Walt Disney Studios. It has been reported that Johnny Depp will play Tonto, the Lone Ranger’s Indian friend. Who will play the Lone Ranger is yet to be figured out. The script is being penned by Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio, scriptwriters for “Pirates.” Source

Yeah, the first thing I thought when I read this was, “Creepy.” It’s just creepy. This guy’s fucking life is to wake up every morning, have some coffee and put on a fucking lone ranger mask and go places and talk about the lone ranger.. and…

I don’t know. I mean, I just can’t wrap my head around certain things.

And, the fact that his official “location” will be the “upper end of the market parking lot” doesn’t do much for his credibility.

Parents beware.

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East Allen Neighbors Cannot Get Along

Being neighborly can be hard. Firstly, it takes some concession. You have to know when to pick your battles and sometimes not get super pissed off that your next-door neighbor is holding a kegger at 2 a.m. on a Friday night. Sometimes, you just have to let it slide because then, in the future, if you want to have some sort of extended stripper/donkey show at your place you can be like “Well, I didn’t fuck with your party.”

And, besides, you should always make friends with your neighbors just so that they feel obligated to take care of your dog if you go away for a weekend. Or if they have a teenaged daughter, you can use her for…

babysitting (you sick fucks.)

However, there are some people whose sole goal in life is to make sure that everyone else is as miserable as themselves.

They complain about everything. They are never satisfied. They hate anything new. They are never wrong, etc.

And, these are also the same people who are usually fucking 1. insane or 2. unreasonable to the point of taking them to court…

A quaint neighborhood in East Allen Township has become the unlikely epicenter of a turf war between neighbors regarding such things as property lines, trespassing and trees.

Gregg and Kindra Block say they were warned about neighbor Violet Gerhat when they bought their home on Bergen Circle seven years ago.

"We thought she was a nice old lady and we would befriend her. We were friendly for a while but then she started doing odd things," Kindra Block said during a March 2008 hearing, according to court transcripts.

According to the Blocks, those things include allegedly coming onto the property to remove “No Trespassing” signs or throwing gasoline and weed killer on the lawn.

"I’m glad if I can walk back and forth to the mailbox," Gerhat said in a Hungarian accent. "The whole story is a big, big lie."

Unfortunately for Gerhat, some of the actions have been caught on surveillance tape, and she already has been fined and forced to put up a 123-foot-long fence at her expense.

The parties will be back in front of Northampton County Judge Emil Giordano on Friday to determine whether she must pay damages for violating a court order.

"They are nasty people and I am a very Christian woman. I don’t cause trouble for anybody," Gerhat said. "This is a whole different story when you hear both sides of it." Source

Notice how the article makes note of her Hungarian accent, as if to imply that she is some form of foreign nasty witch who’s going to cook your children in her Gingerbread oven.

Most likely, the couple is telling the truth, however.

You can’t really blame her though, she’s sad, most likely pretty lonely in her old house and her only enjoyment comes from fucking with the couple who just moved in next door. So, if she’s somewhat sane, most of her nights are probably spent in hysterical self laughter while she watches her neighbors try to get gasoline off their lawns.

Just put up a fucking electric fence to keep the geriatrics out.

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Hot Dog Man Can’t Get a Break

I worked in center city Allentown for a year or so back in the day and they was (might still be) a hotdog vendor that sat right across from Crocodile Rock.

Cheap. Fast. Good. However, I only went there when I wanted cheap, fast and greasy, kinda like any girl that hangs out at Starters Riverport.

The stand was a novelty, being that they seem mostly reserved for larger cities, but whatever, they must have been making some sort of money or they wouldn’t have been open that long.

So, a guy recently wanted to start his own hot dog stand in South Bethlehem, but local businesses are crying foul and trying to kick his ass out.

Edwin Padilla had just one thought last year when he was laid off from his construction job: hot diggity dog!

With little hope of getting back in the home building business in this economy, Padilla invested $6,000 in a hot dog cart like the ones he’d seen in New York City and got the licenses to sell hot dogs just blocks from his home in south Bethlehem.

Barely two weeks into his stint at Fourth and New streets, Padilla already knows the orders of the regulars who visit his cart with the yellow-and-red umbrella.

But the 30-year-old entrepreneur is getting backlash from some longtime merchants who say he’s stealing customers and from city officials who want him off that corner. Padilla is one of three vendors licensed by the Health Bureau to have such carts, but city officials say he is the only one who operates consistently and in the same spot.

Tina Kowalski, who owns the Funhouse bar near the hot dog stand, suggested Padilla set up shop at a public park or library.

”He’s selling hot dogs in front of restaurants, on the street, on top of a sewer grate,” said Kowalski, who started the petition. ”He has lawn chairs out there. It just doesn’t look good.”

Jeeez, the guy’s trying to play by the rules, get the right permits, do what he’s legally obligated to do, but NOoOOOO the owner of the FUNHOUSE has the nerve to say that “it just doesn’t look good.” Have you ever gone to the bathroom in the fucking bar? You have to hold it closed with your foot.

Whatever, the guy is making due with what he has to since he got laid off or whatever, I’m sure he’s not cutting into any profits. Besides, now that the casino is in town, the hot dog man is going to be the least of your motherfucking worries this summer local merchants.

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Phillipsburg Man Wants to Live in Park

It’s a tough time out there. People are jobless. People don’t have jobs. No one is making money. Money is non-existant.

Yeah, so people are losing their jobs, homes, cats, and are starting to live on Chef Boyardee alone, while also attempting to camp out in city parks and still get the mail delivered.

James Sudol has traded his Phillipsburg residence for a two-door Saturn outside Warren County Courthouse in Belvidere.

The 40-year-old says he doesn’t have a choice.

County freeholders won’t let him camp out in nearby Garret D. Wall Park. And after his mother died, the home they had shared was foreclosed.

"It would be more dignified for me to be living in my tent than in my car," Sudol said Thursday. "What they have me doing here is inhumane."

Sudol thinks he should be allowed to live in the park near the courthouse while he sorts out his mother’s estate and legal issues surrounding the foreclosure.

But county Administrator Steve Marvin said Sudol ought to take another tack.

"Don’t thousands of people have legal issues with the government all the time?" Marvin asked Thursday. "Does that mean that the government in whatever form — municipal, county, state, federal — is to establish, what, tent cities for the aggrieved?" Source

He DOES have a fucking car though, right?

Priorities, people. If you don’t want to live in the city park, then sell your fucking car, get a hotel room for a few weeks, and get a job.

Hey, most of us have been close to the same situation at one point in our lives, cut out the fat.

However, would be kinda cool to live in the city’s park, just saying.

Start panhandling. Start prostituting that pretty mouth of yours. There are limitless ways to make some quick cash. The guy has apparently already given up his pride, so what does he care?

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My Kids Will Urinate Wherever They Please, Thank You.

Ahh, the joys of being a male. You can pee wherever you want and, um, you can… always use football season as an excuse to get drunk on Sundays.

Peeing in public, or semi-public, really is a rite of passage among males. The fact that you can do it is one thing, the fact that you do it where you’re not supposed to is another.

But, it’s so fucking convenient. I mean, as long as no one is looking at your penis, who cares? Right?

One time while I was at a concert during Musikfest I had to piss, and I mean I had to piss so bad my molars were singing “Anchors Away.” So, I got in the porta potty line, but this was one of those lines at the venues you have to pay to get into, so, of course, it was about 30 dudes deep.

Solution? Pee in the woods by the river. WHO THE FUCK CARES?

The cop did and while he was pretty nice and didn’t cite me, I still don’t get it. I at least walked a few solid yards into the brush. I wasn’t pissing on someone’s hand bag. I mean give a guy a break.

I’m certain the cop would have given these kids a break, if their crazy Latino mother didn’t get involved. So it goes…

Police allege a 24-year-old woman cursed a police officer after he tried to tell her two children not to urinate outside of the bathrooms on Sand Island on Wednesday afternoon.

Jaciely Guzman, 24, no address given, allegedly took offense to a police officer explaining to her that her two children could not relieve themselves outdoors, and needed to use the bathroom facilities at the park instead. She verbally abused the officer, according to police, and when the officer attempted to arrest her, Javier Rivera came to her aid.

Rivera, 21, allegedly tried to interrupt the officer while Guzman, his girlfriend, was arrested.

Guzman was charged with disorderly conduct and criminal trespassing. Rivera was charged with disorderly conduct and harassment. Source

I would love to know what she said. Something to the tune of “My sons can piss where they want Guero!”

I dunno, I mean, what do you say to this one?

If I was caught I’d probably sheepishly look down, apologize, then hold it quick and run to the bathroom to finish.

Note to everyone: Do not hold piss midstream for longer than like 10 seconds. It will totally explode inside of you.

I always love to hear about people who pretty much get themselves arrested. All she had to do was go, “Yeah, you’re fucking right, letting my little kids piss on outside in a public park MIGHT just not be something worth going to jail over.”

To each their own.

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Train to Connect Two Awful Locations

Trains are wonderful forms of transportation. When I spent some time in England, it was the ONLY way to get to some certain areas. Essentially, if you wanted to go from downtown Bethlehem to Northampton (why the fuck you would, I don’t know) you would be able to grab a train within the next 20 min and there you were.

Around here, if you want to get to the Philly airport to transport some pot out of Mexico, you’re going to have to drive, borrow a car, or take an overpriced bus ride.

For those just north, in Scranton, they are making plans so that you can get from there to…. Hoboken? WTF?

The Federal Transit Administration has completed an environmental assessment that could pave the way for commuter train service from the Poconos to Hoboken, N.J., according to a report in The Star-Ledger.

The proposal to restore passenger rail service is seen as a way to relieve congestion on Interstate 80. Proposed stops in New Jersey would be in Blairstown, Warren County, and Andover, Sussex County, which would connect to an existing line at Port Morris.

Proponents of the project in Pennsylvania say the project could be less than four years away, but a N.J. Transit spokesman said there is still no funding for the $551 million project.

The proposal would restore commuter train service from Scranton to Hoboken along the Lackawanna Cutoff, nicknamed for the miles it cut off on train trips between Pennsylvania and New Jersey. An environmental study that looked at wetlands and habitat along the proposed route found there would be no significant impact. Source

Yeahhhh, I don’t know if I could pick two cities that i would LESS want to enter on a train that also happened to be connected together. Why not just connect Easton and Baghdad?

I guess I can see the point for whatever commuters are leaving the metropolis of Scranton for Hoboken every day, but, this doesn’t exactly conjure images of a party train.

It’s all about the monorail anyway, who the fuck needs trains?

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If You’re Sick, Stay Inside and Watch Oprah

If you have any flu symptoms, stay the fuck inside because we don’t want the rest of the Lehigh Valley turning into zombies!

One thing that I always found fucking ridiculous was the whole “wash your hands after everything” schtick that most females endure every day. I mean, your basically sanitizing your children. There are no germs on their toys, clothes, food, anything. So, when they go to kindergarten and interact with kids who have played outside under “natural” conditions, they are going to fucking die. Like, right away.

A little bit of germs is a good thing. Quit fucking hand sanitizing all the time. Go eat some poo like they do in those German Scat Movies.

Ugh, but seriously, I kinda don’t think it’s fair to tell someone to stay the fuck home if they have flu symptoms. If YOU ARE so fucking concerned about getting the flu and dying then stay the fuck home or wear one of those masks the hot chinese chicks wear when SARS comes around.

Concerned about the spread of swine flu, local health officials are asking people with flu symptoms to stay away from graduations, weddings and other public events and to delay vacations.

With 40 confirmed swine flu cases Wednesday,
Lehigh County has the third highest number in Pennsylvania. Northampton County has 14 confirmed cases. The toll rises as the World Health Organization appears poised to declare a full-blown swine flu pandemic.

Local health officials, particularly in Allentown –– which has at least 17 confirmed cases –– are emphasizing more than ever: Sick people need to stay home.

”I realize it’s a bad time of year to be telling people this, with graduations and upcoming trips to the shore planned,” said Allentown Health Bureau Director Vicky Kistler. ”But if you have the flu, you need to stay out of circulation for seven days.”

However, this little public outcry COULD be a good thing to some people.

Want to get out of your wife’s best friend’s wedding? “Oh, SHIT, I’ve totally got the flu, the county says I’m not allowed outside.”

Going to get dragged to the Special Olympics? “No, sorry, can’t go, totally flu-ridden. I’d get those kids all sick.”

Want to put off that prostate exam? “Flu, totally.”

I guess I can see the merits of quarantine.

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Man Looks for Cat with Fire. Fire Ensues

For one reason or another, there have been a shitload of cat stories popping up in the last few days.

First, some cat died and was buried in some lady’s garden and then a stupid cat was stuck in a tree.

So, all good things come in threes? Right? Or, something comes in threes, well, apparently stupid cat stories come in threes.

Note to self: When checking to see if something is beneath something that is flammable, don’t use a flame.

A 26-year-old former Slatington man told police he had just put his ailing mother to bed and wanted her cat to join her, so he reached behind the bed and flicked a lighter to see if the cat was back there.

The cat never appeared, so Chad Matthew Lever went downstairs to look elsewhere. Before Lever reached the bottom step, his mother, Lisa House, began yelling.

The mattress had caught fire.

After repeated attempts to get his mother, who suffered from
Lou Gehrig's disease, out of her burning bedroom, Lever was overcome by smoke. Lisa House, 47, died in the February fire at 424 W. Washington St., Slatington. Source

Yeah, OOOOOR he set her fucking bed on fire for the fun of it because I don’t buy the whole “I was looking for the cat with an open flame” excuse.

Is Slatington in the 1820s? Do they not have electricity up there? Was he too fat and lazy to turn on the lamp? Does he not own a flashlight?

And, if that cat was down there, what were the odds he’d just light it’s fucking fur on fire?

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Stupid Cat Stuck in Tree

You either love cats or hate em. You love them cause they are pretty and like laser pointers. You hate them cause they don’t really give a fuck about you unless they need somewhere warm to lay down or you have some anchovies.

All kids love cats, though. If you’re a girl you love how cute they are and how soft they feel. If you’re a boy you like how funny they look after you wrap them in a blanket and twirl them around until they get dizzy and then they run into the wall cause they are all fucked up.

Ahhh, childhood.

I did have a friend’s brother (rumor has it, but who knows) who found a stray cat and then whipped it around over his head like a lasso until the tail came deattached and the cat’s body went flying somwhere.

Fuck, kids, seriously, stick with getting the cat dizzy or high, don’t kill them, you’re not going to get ANY money for the corpse, trust me.

Oh, and if you’re cat gets stuck in a motherfucking tree, send up one of your kids to go get it the back down.

He braved the thunder and lightning, and now, he’s home. Barnaby the cat climbed his way up a tree in Upper Saucon Township, Lehigh County and sat there for nearly three days. He was calling for help all the while.

Barnaby finally was brought to safety with the help of local landscapers. His owner says, since the rescue, he’s been downstairs, sitting pretty, and eating like a pig.

Go to the source so you can watch the video of this stupid fucking cat.

You’re a CAT, if you really want to get down, you’ll just come down. Put a fucking dead fish at the bottom of the tree, I’m sure the cat could figure out how to get the fuck down then. Better yet, scare it the fuck out by throwing rocks near it, if I were a cat I’d totally prefer the ground rather than being hit by a stone.

There are like seven kids on hand in that video, too. You mean to tell me that out of all those little retards, not ONE of them was brave enough to climb a fucking tree to get their beloved retarded cat Barnaby down?

Fuck that.

The SPCA should look into taking this cat from this family.

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Dead Cat Haunts Tomato Garden

When my dog Buddy died when I was five my parents cremated him and put him in a box in the basement.

That was weird.

Buddy was the only real pet that I ever had die, besides Doobie, who had his head run over by a pickup truck when I was in high school, but he was only a puppy. Buddy had been around forever so it was super sad.

I’m not sure why we didn’t bury him though, I guess because it could have turned out like Pet Cemetary:

A woman planting tomatoes in Pennsylvania’s Lehigh Valley says she was shocked when the was turning over the soil in her garden to plant tomatoes and found cat paws sticking out. Patricia Lutz called police after making the discovery on Thursday at her home in Washington Township, Lehigh County.

A state trooper responded and dug up the rest of the cat. A neighbor, 49-year-old John Paly, was charged with trespassing after acknowledging he buried the cat there May 30.

He told The Morning Call of Allentown on Monday that he thought he had the right to bury his cat there because he’d been tending the plot for 19 years. The cat, named Patches, is now in a pet cemetery. Lutz says she can’t bring herself to plant tomatoes there, at least this year. Source

OH NO the ghost of patches is going to eat away at her tomatoes! WTF is this even about? So, some weird dude buried his cat under SOMEONE ELSE’S tomatoes and she’s all like “I can’t eat those dead cat tomatoes anymore!”

This is all sorts of weird, but expected, I guess.

Whenever we have a cat die we just take it down to the Hunan Inn. They make a mean General Tso’s Chicken…

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Easton Bank Robber Taunts Police

The only reason someone gets caught after they commit a crime is because they want to or they are too lazy.

I mean, if you stole a bazillion Euros from some bank, you could just go live in North Dakota for the rest of your life and no one would even know you moved into town.

But, NoOOOooO you gotta be all around people and shit. Before you know it, you’re mouthing off in the local saloon about all your Euros. Idiot.

The man who is wanted by Easton police for the Friday robbery of the Lafayette Ambassador Bank on the city’s South Side has been leaving messages for police refusing to surrender, city police said.

Police have been on the trail of Markeith Webb, 33, of the first block of Maryland Circle in Whitehall Township, since Friday and have raided several houses in the Easton and Whitehall Township areas, Easton police Inspector Matthew Gerould said.

"He has indicated that he is aware he has a warrant out for his arrest and refuses to turn himself in," Gerould said.

Photo Courtesy of Easton policeBank security photos show a man police believe is Markeith Webb brandishing a gun and snatching money.

Gerould said police have been in touch with Webb’s family and associates looking for him. Gerould said anyone found to be hiding Webb could face charges for harboring a fugitive.

"We believe that he is hiding out in the Lehigh Valley," Gerould said.

Police found Webb’s car outside of his home in Whitehall Township on Sunday and had it towed back to Easton after obtaining a search warrant, Gerould said. Inside the car police saw what they believe is the red dye from the dye pack put in the stolen money from the robbery, Gerould said.

Easton police are examining Webb’s car today, Gerould said.

Gerould said police consider Webb to be a danger to public safety because they believe he is armed. Webb brandished a firearm during the bank robbery Friday morning, police said.

Police ask anyone with knowledge of Webb’s whereabouts to call 911. Source\

I, honestly, would be doing the same thing. I mean, I don’t wanna go to jail! Who wants to go to jail?! I heard you get done in the butt in jail! Because there are no women around and the guys get all horny. But, it’s not really gay and the black guys call it “being on the DL.” And they do it.

Or something.

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Gambling’s Bad for Your Liver

Hey man, you can’t just BECOME an alcoholic without a lot of practice, you know? And, as much as you want to say that places don’t encourage you to drink, they sure fucking do. I mean, bars are the places you go to escape your daily life, whether it be just for the weekend with your slutty friends and their awful dresses they don’t fit in, or whether it’s an every day after work “i hate myself and want to drink my life away” thing, bars are condusive to cyclical behavior. If you feel good there and the bar solved your problem, then what are you going to do when you want to feel good again? Bar.

Same thing with gambling. Sure, no one is holding a gun to your head to gamble, but the people who open casinos know how the human mind works and know that if you get a taste, you’re going to convince yourself you can get more because you need money to feed your kids or your growing prescription drug addiction.

Either way, you can’t OUTRIGHTLY blame bars or casinos if you believe in free will. I mean, even though we know that they prey on people’s weaknesses, like I said, no one is literally holding a gun to someone’s head telling them to take a shot.

Well, there was that ONE time …

About 20 people are on the sidewalk in front of the South Side casino, mostly dressed in black and carrying signs decrying gambling.

"No one wins in gambling" reads one, while others state "Gambling hurts" and "The odds are against you."

"Gambling is harmful and a menace to society," said protester Stephen Drachler, executive director of the United Methodist Witness, a statewide advocacy group for the United Methodist Church. "There ought to be a better way to fund government services."

Eh I find it funny how a church, another organization that relies on some form of brain washing, takes issue with a casino, which does the same type of brain washing, except the all mighty dollar is their Jesus.

Anyhoo, expect more of this from time to time, especially when church groups get bored in the summer.

I bet if they were to receive a shot at $10,000 by buying a $1 ticket they’d be like, “oh, well it helps senior citizens, right?”

We’re all walking double standards.

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Green Light to Get Underage Girls Drunk

As you get older, at least with me, I cannot tell how old girls are. I used to be able to know spot on if a girl was 17, 19 or 25. It was easy. Now, for whatever reason, I couldn’t tell you if a girl was 13 or 30. Either they are all dressing the same or once they hit puberty they all just look alike. It has to be the boobs. But, I read somewhere that girls are getting boobs at like 11 now. Fuck, I never want to have a daughter, ever. I would be just killing everyone.

Most guys will come across that one girl in their life who they had no clue was 14, still loved Hannah Montana, takes the bus to school, yet has Double D’s and swore she just lost her license, that’s why she couldn’t get the beer and you’ll have to.

Then, boom, you’re in jail. Lesson to everyone, ALWAYS CHECK I.D.!


A dude who apparently got a minor all drunk and coked up is getting off with kinda nothing, just because the girl lied on Myspace and said she was 17 or 18, so the dude was totally in the right.

A New Jersey man accused of raping a 16-year-old Hellertown girl he met online had all but one charge against him dropped today.

Ray Q. Wang, 27, of Princeton had faced counts that included rape and sexual assault and that could have landed him in jail for years. But those were withdrawn by prosecutors, and he admitted in court to reckless endangerment, a low-grade misdemeanor.

Police alleged Wang met the girl on
MySpace, a social networking Web site, and on May 20, 2006, took her to Wy-Hit-Tuk Park in Williams Township, where he gave her cocaine, alcohol and pills and had sex with her after she blacked out.

In dropping the more serious charges, Assistant District Attorney Patricia Broscius said that text messages sent between the two showed evidence of a “flirtatious” and sexual relationship.

Wang’s defense attorney, Philip Lauer, said the girl’s Myspace page said she was 17 and 18 when Wang communicated with her and later met her. Anything between the two was consensual, he said.

On the misdemeanor charge, Wang admitted that he had placed the girl at risk when he dropped her off near her home while she was still intoxicated from drugs.

Northampton County Judge Leonard Zito gave Wang a jail sentence of time served to 12 months. Wang has already served about four months in Northampton County, Lauer said.

So the old “She told me she was legal” line worked??? Has that ever worked before? It never works on Law and Order!!! They are always fucked!!!

Yeah, probably not the best idea in the world to drug a girl, fuck her, then leave her wobbling around in her neighborhood, but fear not, now that everyone in the county knows that doing this type of act isn’t followed by a stiff sentence, all your daughters are at risk!!!


Who uses myspace anymore anyway?

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