The Lehigh Valley. Allentown, Bethlehem, Easton and everything, and everyone, in-between.
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Lady Wishes for People to Die. Wish is Granted.

Driving should not be taken lightly.  I remember watching a television program about how Volkswagen designers didn’t understand why, when designing cars for the U.S. market, they were told to include more cupholders.

They were like “Who is going to be drinking coffee while they drive? Driving is all about driving and focusing on driving.” How romantic.

Americans text, drink, smoke, read, and fuck while driving, resulting in who the hell knows how many deaths.

Apparently, they also like to grab the wheel even if they are NOT driving and proceed to kill people….

A Scranton, Pa., woman has been charged with homicide and attempted homicide after she caused a car to crash Feb. 7, killing her boyfriend and injuring her two children, according to a news release from the Lehigh County district attorney’s office.

The release says Steffanie Ramos, 25, of the 500 block of River Street, was arguing with Rene Andres Amaya while they were driving south on the Northeast Extension in North Whitehall Township.

Ramos, who was sitting in the passenger’s seat, grabbed the steering wheel and jerked it to the right, the release says. The car crossed over a lane of traffic before rolling down an embankment, the release says.

While Ramos jerked the wheel, she said “I hope you all … die,” the release says.

Amaya, 42, of Paterson, N.J., and Ramos’ two children, ages 2 and 4, were thrown from the vehicle. Amaya’s death was attributed to multiple blunt force trauma and was ruled a homicide. Ramos escape serious injury in the wreck, the release says. Source

Woah. Put yourself in that situation. Holy Mother Fucking Shit this lady is all sorts of bat poop insane.

This actually made my black heart sad for a few moments while reading it.

I imagine that she also will say how this wasn’t her fault or something and she did it because she was “forced” to due to tons of abuse or that the kids were pestering her so much so she was just trying to teach them a lesson.

Wish I had something a bit more pleasant for you as we head to a holiday weekend, but at least it can remind you to fucking drive safe. And to not drive any crazy fucking bitches home from the bar for any reason.

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New Jersey Is Full Of Oxycontin and Football Coaches on Drugs

Remember the Stillos? They had a father and son type of drug ring thorughout the Pohotatocgonsad area of New Jersey? Just over the river?

Yeah, well the shit has officially hit the fan for more people involved in the ring, including a fucking assistant football coach at Phillipsburg High School. Real smart, asshole.

I understand using drugs when you’re feeling all down and out. I mean, it makes you feel better and you don’t have to think about your wife leaving you and how your job sucks and the fact that you’re going bald and you’re fat and your glory days were more than ten years ago and your kids hate you. THAT is the time you do some fucking heroin, right?

If you’re doing OK ish, why not just get addicted to doing laundry or stalking people on the Internet?

Phillipsburg math teacher and associate head football coach is among the latest to be arrested for his alleged involvement in an Oxycontin distribution ring in Pohatcong Township.

Kevin M. Kane, 38, of the 600 block of Chief Tatamy Lane, Forks Township, has been charged with conspiring to distribute Oxycontin, attempt to distribute Oxycontin and drug possession, according to court paperwork. This is the second wave of arrests in connection to the drug ring. All of the alleged crimes occurred between May 20 and June 24 in Pohatcong Township, officials said.

Boom, just like that, you’re fucking done. Probably had a nice little gig going on, coaching some footsballs and just wanted to dabble in the oxy moxy and no one would get hurt. Right?

WRONG!?!!? You LOSE everything you worked to ever have. Good job with that. But, seriously, that shit sucks anyway. If you’re going to get addicted to something, why not go all the fucking way?

Anyway, more people were charged too, they live in New Jersey, so I probably have never met them or ever will meet them considering I live in a state where we have running water and most of the people shower at least once a week.

I will give you an idea of what each person did in the drug ring, since the reports are kinda… well non-informative.

• Stephanie J. Lee, 19, of the first block of Beechwood Road, White Township, is charged with conspiring with Stillo and others to possess and distribute Oxycontin and attempted distribution of the drug.

(I decided to delete some uncomfirmed information, just to be.. well, somewhat fair…done)


• Kenneth Szostak, 47, of the 400 block of South Main Street, Phillipsburg, was charged with conspiring with Stillo to distribute Oxycontin.

I wonder if it was actual “conspiraring” and not just Stillo calling Szostak up and saying “Hey, dude, I got some Oxycontin, do you want to sell them and make some money?” Cause, that’s kinda boring and doesn’t sound like a conspiracy to me.

• Robert C. Hummer, 39, of the first block of Summerfield Road, White Township, was charged with conspiring with Stillo and others to possess Oxycontin. He allegedly overheard a phone call between Stillo and John Rooney, who has not yet been charged, to obtain drugs, then attended the drug buy.

Wait, wait. So, he overheard a phone call between Stillo and some dude looking to buy drugs, then went to the drug buy? What relevance would him overhearing a phone call have to do if he intended on going with Stillo to sell the drugs?

• Cassie Lutz, 20, of the first block of Parker Street, Phillipsburg, was charged with possession of drugs after she allegedly arranged a drug buy with Frank Stillo’s son, Brandon, who was arrested last week. She also was charged with two counts of obtaining drugs by fraud after allegedly conspiring with Stillo and others over the phone to go to a doctor’s office and get drugs.

Don’t ever try and defraud a doctor’s office staffed by big black female nurses. Ever.

• Randy L. Bartholomew, 49, of the first block of Municipal Drive, Pohatcong Township, was charged with possession of marijuana for allegedly having 19 marijuana plants.

Fuck, this keeps getting better and better.

• Kevin S. Johnson, no age available, of the 400 block of Firth Street, Phillipsburg, allegedly conspired with Frank Stillo and others to possess Oxycontin. He allegedly met with Frank Stillo and Rooney to set up a buy and also spoke with Frank Stillo on the phone to arrange to go to a doctor’s office to obtain Oxycontin.

He is apparently ageless, but still fucking stupid.


• Ben L. Bishop III, 25, of the 1700 block of Madison Avenue, Bethlehem, was charged with possession of drugs, attempted distribution of Oxycontin and two counts of conspiring to obtain drugs by fraud after allegedly speaking on the phone with Frank Stillo about going with him to a doctor’s appointment to get Oxycontin. Source

C’mon Ben, this is a bit boring. If you’re going to fuck up the rest of your life, don’t you think you could have robbed a 7-11 in there or at least struck someone with something. Seriously, fucking Bush League, buddy.

Apparently, these people were too busy selling drugs and taking care of all their injuries (hence the need for pain meds) to put up facebook pages (that I could find.)

They won’t be having a happy July 4th.

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Bethlehem Adds Some Female PoPo

I’d rather be pulled over by a female cop than a male cop. I just feel like they are more compassionate and would listen to my problems more and maybe relate to me and let me snuggle with them or something.

Guy cops are all fucking business and always pissed off for some reason. Fuck, if I had a gun and was able to shoot bad guys, I’d be in a pretty good mood a lot of the time.

Female cops have to take a shitload of shit too. I mean, every drunk guy they haul in HAS to be talking about “boobies this” and “banging you that” it has to be fucking annoying. I’d just tase them.

Anyway, Bethlehem recently added five new cops, three of which had boobs.

Mayor John Callahan swore in five new members of the city police department and three of them are women. Bethlehem previously had three female officers and now has six.

"The strength of any organization is its diversity," the mayor said. "It’s something we have all striven for."

The department’s newest members are Gretchen Kraemer, 38, Crystal Happel, 28, Christopher Kopp, 23, Shaun Pfister, 31, and Stephanie Molnar, 29.

Kraemer, of Bethlehem, previously worked as a clerk in the criminal division of the Northampton County Courthouse.

"It’s something I’ve always wanted to do," she said of her new law enforcement job.

Happel joins the Bethlehem force after spending five years as a member of the Moore Township Police Department and Molnar previously worked in Lehigh County’s Child Protective Services. Source

I guess the “man” already got to them, because none of these five has a Facebook page that we can defile, which is a bit unfortunate.

Hopefully, these ladies will be patroling the beat near me. Because, let’s face it, if I’m going to get arrested again for instigating a riot I would much rather be handcuffed by Stephanie Molnar than Christopher Kopp…. wait… Chris Kopp? Oh, CMON?!??!?!

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Pennsylvania Isn’t So Fat! But Our Girls Still Have Muffin Tops

I don’t understand how Mississippi, a poor state in the middle of the worst type of regular weather (humid and sticky thigh hot) can be the fattest state in the Union.

How does that make sense? 32.5 percent of the people who live in that state are fat.

Shouldn’t they be skinny and fucking hungry? If they are sooooo poor and want us to feel bad for them, shouldn’t they be all emaciated and crawling around on a pile of  long since eaten WWII army rations?

Fuck, stop eating so much. WTF are you eating anyway?

So, yeah, PA’s in the clear… I guess? We were 22nd, tied with Iowa and North Dakota in having 22.7 percent Oompa Loompas.

 Mississippi's still king of cellulite, but an ominous tide is rolling toward the Medicare doctors in neighboring Alabama: obese baby boomers.

It’s time for the nation’s annual obesity rankings and, outside of fairly lean
Colorado, there’s little good news. Obesity rates among adults rose in 23 states over the past year and didn’t decline anywhere, says a new report from the Trust for America’s Health and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation.

And while the nation has long been bracing for a surge in Medicare as the boomers start turning 65, the new report makes clear that fat, not just age, will fuel much of those bills. In every state, the rate of obesity is higher among 55- to 64-year-olds — the oldest boomers — than among today’s 65-and-beyond.
Source

This does not mean you can fucking go out and get a Big Mac.

Ok, let’s think about it. This test includes adults. So, if you are out at a club and there are 100 people there, about 23 are going to be OBESE. Not just “kinda fat or pudgy” but OBESE. That’s like “oh shit I found a quarter in my belly button” fat.

I really think there should be some more in-depth analysis on pudgy girls. Like, the girls who are just fat enough NOT to be skinny, but not fat ENOUGH to be obese.

See, these are the girls that still hang out with skinny friends and wear shirts that fit them in middle school, but don’t quite cover up the… muffin tops… anymore.

Now, if there was a reality show about that shit. I would be watching it right now.

Muffin tops are the weirdest thing (for those who don’t know what they are, look up at that picture, that’s a muffin top.)

They are partly almost attractive. You immediately think of them as some sort of bicycle handles and want to grab on and go down to the 7-11 for a Slurpee.

Then, on the other hand, you’re like, MOTHER FUCKER cover up your skin that is spilling out of your jeans. Do you NOT own a mirror? Did someone tell you that looked good?

If boobs pop out, sure, they are kinda held up by elastic muscles and stuff, but your fat shouldn’t pop out if you’re running to catch… whatever, I’m hungry….

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Freemansburg Couple Tries to Steal $16+ Million from Puerto Rico?

Well, I guess that headline is a bit misleading. The Freemansburg couple actually tried to steal it from the Federal Government by filing fake Puerto Rican citizens’ tax returns. (PRs don’t have to file if they make all their money on their stupid island.)

Seems like a pretty good scam until you realize that the IRS checks the fucking tax returns.

Ugh.

Hey, I guess you have to give them some credit for going down this whole “Let’s mail in the tax returns and expect huge fucking checks that we are then going to fraudently cash. NO ONE will notice.”

This is another example of a crime that could have probably been committed 30 years ago.

Pesky fucking computers.

A Freemansburg couple and nine other people tried to steal $18 million by filing phony tax returns using identities they stole from residents of Puerto Rico, authorities in New York say.

Rafael Castillo, 39, and Janira Bueno, 31, are among those charged with conspiracy to defraud the government and related crimes in an indictment unsealed Tuesday in Manhattan federal court. If convicted on all counts, each could face up to 103 years in prison and $2.5 million in fines.

Authorities said that from 2006 to 2008, the group engaged in a massive scheme to file fraudulent federal and state tax returns seeking refunds, using the stolen identities of Puerto Rico residents.

Tax laws probably led the group to target residents of Puerto Rico, who don’t have to file
Internal Revenue Service forms as long as all of their income is earned in Puerto Rico, the authorities said. They noted that by using Social Security numbers stolen from Puerto Rico residents, the schemers minimized the risk that a legitimate federal tax return had already been filed. Source

Man. Why not just get a fucking job? I mean… I dunno. I don’t make a million dollars. Fuck, I’m surprised I have enough money to buy Hot Pockets, but I don’t think I’ve ever thought of defrauding the government. They seem to get pissed off when you do that shit.

They don’t like it when you use your food stamps for Jack Daniels either, I’m pretty sure.

Let this be an example to all Americans. Just because you live in a place like Freemansburg, that is lucky to even get mail service anyway, does not mean that people are going to send you millions of fucking dollars in tax refunds and not double check if that money is going to be used for something… not so.. whatever.

I mean, first of all, you picked a populous that generally is going to get double checked more than say “Romanian Americans” may get checked.

So you already struck out with your first swing there, crazy kids!

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Bangor Girl Golfer? I Hardly Know Her!

Sometimes it is my great pleasure to honor a local scholastic athete entirely based on his or her atheltic ability and prowess in the sport that he or she has mastered.

That is why it is an honor to be able to write about Stani Schiavone, who, at only 17 has qualified for the U.S. Women’s Golf something that’s somewhere.

She’s…good…. golfing.

lives bangor……

A 17-year-old Bangor Area High School student has made it into the world’s most prestigious junior golf tournament.

Stani Schiavone (Facebook Page Here) of Washington Township, Pa., earned one of the five qualifying spots Tuesday for the 62nd U.S. Girls’ Junior Championship. She shot a 1-over-par 37-38—75 at the Merion West Golf Club in Ardmore, Pa.

The championship will be played July 20-25 at Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, N.J. Source

MAN, SOOO much to say, but I’m not sure if it’s illegal..seriously….

My question is, when do girls decide they are going to golf? Golf, for me, is a sport you play when you get fat and lazy OR you happen to master by the age of four and can end up making a bazillion dollars on because you’re the only black guy who plays it (minus Vijah Singh, he is some weird kinda black, right? Like some mixed Black/Indian.) All those old white guys are like, “FUCKING TIGER!!! Go play hockey or something.”

Anyway, I think I’m going to have to make an appearance at the U.S. Women’s-wherever-this-girl-is-playing so I can asses a 10-stroke penalty…

Oh man, get it? Golf…strokes… .. whatever..Get your mind out of the gutter people, this is not that kind of Web site! Sick fucks. She’s a good golfer, what is wrong with you people?!?!?!?!?!

Below is her and some of her friends in … some hot tub.. I found this on the Internet, so don’t fucking yell at me. She’s on the bottom right. Hmm, seems like that top photo was a glamour shot.

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Man Steals $1,000 Worth of Candy

Where I grew up they had actual penny candy. You could go in with 50 cents and go over to the glass window that sat in front of the 60 different varieties of candies and go “I want 6 Swedish Fish, 7 Sour Patch Kids, 3 blue Tootsie Pops, 6 Yellow Tootsie Pops,” and on until either you were out of your 50 cents or the lady working the store killed you.

That was some good shit. I miss it :(

I bet that fucking candy is like 5 cents a pop now! What the fuck? Why do we even have a penny anymore? What’s the point? People don’t even value that fucking thing, they just throw it all around.

Anyway, some guy from Whitehall has some serious diabetes now.

Someone in Whitehall has an extreme case of sweet tooth, according to police there.

A man allegedly stole more than $1,100 worth of candy from a discount store in the 2600 block of MacArthur Road yesterday, according to a police report.

The report does not list what type of candy was taken, but it was valued at $1,137. 54, and was taken between 3:50 p.m. and 3:54 p.m. from Five Below, 2631 MacArthur Road. The man is described as being in his 30s and fled in an unknown direction.
Source

Man, leave it to the paper to search high and far to come up with some sort of cliche to describe the bandit. “Sweet tooth?” Seriously? You didn’t even fucking try. You should be ashamed of yourself, reporter man/lady.

HOW MUCH candy did he have to fucking take to get past the $1,000 mark?

That is 1000 snickers bars!!!

You cannot move that shit by yourself. There is no fucking way. What is he going to do with it? I don’t know of many pawn shops that are actively looking for second hand sugar.

Can you break it down and make meth?

Is there a circus in town?

WHERE DO YOU STORE THIS? HOW do you celebrate a candy heist?

My  head is spinning.

Oh, btw, in 1986 money at my old favorite store, that would have bought me 100,000 Swedish fish.

Wow. I wanna be me at six again. I would have fucking gotten so many hoes with that haul…

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Black List Gambler Tries to Ocean 11 the Sands, Loses.

Ever watch the gambling/casino/mobster movies where someone gets on the “black list” and they have to put on those fake black eyeglasses with the fake noses so they can go in and play blackjack and beat the house and win a million dollars!??!?!

Yeah, apparently that shit is real (the black list part anyway) and there was one who tried to dupe the Sands.

Not so fast Chamelon Gambler!

A 37-year-old Catasauqua man who placed himself on the state’s self-exclusion list, which bans individuals from the gaming floors of casinos, was accused of gambling at the Sands Casino Resort Bethlehem earlier this month.

Michael Evan Roshkind was charged with two counts of criminal trespass after allegedly playing the slots June 18 and 20, police said.

According to the Pennsylvania Gaming Control Board, the self-exclusion list is a self-identifying tool for problem gamblers to bar themselves from the state’s parlors for periods of 12 months to life.

According to the PGCB:

"After a person is placed on the self-exclusion list, a licensed facility must refuse to accept the person’s wagers, will ask the person to leave the gaming floor and the person may be arrested for trespass." Source

Unfortunately, Roshkind has not a lot of info on the ‘net to find. Which is probably best for someone who is trying to Ocean’s 11 the place and steal all the money that the casino is making and plans to give to the homeless and poor people in the area as a show of good will and a way to make the Lehigh Valley a better place.

Wait, they aren’t doing that?

WTF?

(Oh, and sorry, I couldn’t find a picture of him so I had to settle for one of me and my buddy. I hope it makes due!)

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You Didn’t Come From Here Drug Face!

Ever notice how if someone leaves a town and then does something really cool they are “residents” or “from” that town.

Example: If Johnny, who grew up in Alburtis, goes off to college in Michigan and then, ten years later, saves a kid from being raped by cats, he’s an “Alburtis native.”

Seems fair, I guess, you want people to know that good people come from your town.

However, reporting seems to have a bit of a double standard…

Ex-Bethlehem man guilty in $10 million cocaine ring

Antonio Miguel Arias lived in upscale neighborhood, said he was a trucker, fruit importer

A federal jury has convicted a man who once lived in one of Bethlehem's most affluent neighborhoods of operating a multimillion-dollar cocaine ring out of Connecticut and New York.

The jury deliberated for two hours after a weeklong trial in
Hartford, Conn., before returning with a guilty verdict Friday against Antonio Miguel Arias, 38, a citizen of the Dominican Republic who last lived in the Pine Top section of Bethlehem, according to Nora R. Dennehy, the acting U.S. attorney in Connecticut. Source

This is actually a pretty cool story that I’d go into more if I cared, but July 4th is this weekend, so I’m a bit lax.

ANYWAY. He’s now an EX Bethlehem resident because he did something bad?

I understand he didn’t grow up here or play high school football at Freedom, but, just because he’s one of the larger cocaine traffickers the area has ever seen he’s now an EX resident? Why not, Pride of Bethlehem or whatever.

I mean the guy who saved the kids from the cats is technically and “ex-Alburtis native.”

I guess this is all hyperbole. Whatever.

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How Long ‘till that Child Rape is Forgiven?

So, 22 years long enough to serve your debt to society for admittedly raping three kids?

Oh, and also is it long enough considering you’re getting out of jail a few years earlier than you should have due to a simple error?

This one is dicey:

William H. Evans, a 59-year-old Allentown man convicted of beating and raping three children 22 years ago, was released from state prison after a federal judge determined his constitutional rights were violated.

Lehigh County is appealing the matter, but lost a bid to keep Evans behind bars until the legal wrangling is resolved.

On May 29, U.S. District Judge Norma Shapiro ruled that Evans’ constitutional rights had been violated and ordered him released within 30 days from the State Correctional Institution at Waymart, Wayne County.

Shapiro ruled that the state Department of Corrections mistakenly told Evans he’d be released in 2006. Later, realizing its error, the department told Evans the release date was 2011.

Evans protested, and Shapiro determined the change had violated his right to due process. The department had changed the date without a hearing or written opinion, she found. Source

Ugh. What to even say on this one?

Firstly, this man should already be dead. How he survived this long as a child RAPER in the U.S. penal (penal, haha) system is beyond me. Hopefully someone will take care of that whole killing him when he’s released because, I’m fucking sorry, there is nothing, NOTHING, more fucking disgusting than raping a child.

You could pour acid on an old ladies face while you kill her kittens with a spoon and that’s still not as bad as raping a kid.

So, while the legal conversation and debate in this story is probably really fucking fascinating and might end up on Law and Order some day… I vote for the death penalty in anything that involves improperly touching or violating a child’s genitals.

So, here’s hoping to your death, Mr. Evans.

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Ed Hanna is a Real Celebrity. John Callahan is Not.

Everyone wants to help out the Celtic Fest, which fell on some hard times recently, but maybe the best way to do it is NOT assume that people are retarded (the pejorative form of “retarded”) and know what a local celebrity is.

A local celebrity is someone who is pretty much known to most people within a specific geographical location. Most newscasters are local celebrities by default. Some rich businessmen can be local celebrities, any minor sports star in an area can be one too. Really good strippers sometimes get the title. Formerly famous people who moved someone to retire or just got bankrupt can also be local celebrities.

Keep in mind that Johnny the Crazy Homeless Nut Job can also be a homeless celebrity, just for the sake that everyone knows who he is.

So, when Celtic Fest tells people they are going to have “local celebrity” bartenders, you’d like to think they are bringing in Channel 69’s Ed Hanna or anyone from the Iron Pigs, or old guy who used to play for the St. Louis Cardinals. Fuck, I’d even be OK with the Chicken Lady. Where’d she go?

Local “celebrities” will be pouring drinks Thursday night at Starters Riverport to raise money for the 2009 Celtic Classic.

The bartenders will include Mayor John Callahan; Gary Laubach, RCN’s director of media services and sports director/broadcaster and two all-star athletes members of the Philadelphia Gaelic Athletic Association’s Allentown Hibernians Hurling team — Patrick O’Donnell and Michael Friel.

The event from will run from 7 to 9 p.m., and proceeds from their tips will benefit the annual festival, planned for Sept. 25 to 27.

This is the 22nd anniversary of the festival, which brings more than 250,000 visitors to Bethlehem for traditional Celtic music, dance, athletics and food. There has never been an admission fee for the festival, but the Celtic Cultural Alliance must raise funds to regain what was lost during two of the past five years, when it rained. Source

WTF? I see Callahan out on the town all the time and I’m not like, “Oh SHIT, local celebrity, sign my tits.” If I saw Ed Hanna, however. I might be more inclined to show some cleavage. That guy’s mysterious!!!!

OH C’MON. Just cause you SAY they are celebrities doesn’t mean they are. Who the fuck are these guys? They throw the trees and rocks at Celtic Fest? Well just say that then. Don’t patronize me into thinking I’m going to actually meet a celebrity when it’s just a couple of guys in kilts, the mayor of Bethlehem (who would probably already be there drinking anyway) and some also ran from RCN.

Celebrities can’t be dying THAT fast. There have to be a few left to choose from.

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You Can Fish for Body Parts in Easton

Apparently, when in Easton, you never know what you’re going to find when you dip your lure into the fresh Delaware water.

A man fishing on the Delaware River near Easton found a human leg.

The find Sunday morning prompted a search along the river by
Forks Township police.

Northampton County District Attorney John Morganelli would not speculate about the body part.

Brian Lynch, a
Phillipsburg, N.J., High School student, went missing May 25 when he jumped from a train trestle that spanned the river. The trestle site is about 20 miles upriver from where the fisherman found the body part. Source

Ok. Ok. Stop for a second.

Take the time to imagine this was you, just going about your business trying to catch some dinner for you and your family down on the Delaware.

You snag something and start to bring it in.

It’s a fucking leg. And, since it’s been in the water for God knows how long, it’s not going to look like it’s just been freshly cut off.

In fact, it’s probably going to have some bones sticking out, some flesh maybe attached, lots of puss. Maybe there’s a shoe still on, who knows?

What I’m saying is, WHAT THE FUCK?

I would have thrown it back in and gone for some Shad.

Possibly more on this later…

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Forks Township Man Quits Smoking, Tries to Kill Wife

Smoking sucks. But, it’s OOOH SOOO FUCKING good when you are three beers in and you just threw back that smooth vodka shot with your girlfriends and all you want is that nice relaxing, sweet nicotine high. That, coupled with the fact that there are now curly white pumes of smoke sensually trailing from your fingertips makes you a sexual vixen.

You work it girl. You work that fucking disgusting breath, wrinkled skin and raspy voice! I cannot wait to take a shower with you in the morning and smell that mixture of puke and bile as the water takes it from your hair, to your skin to the drain… mmmm 

BUT, if you do decide to quit, keep in mind that you might as well use it as a reason to try and kill your wife. I mean, bitch had it coming, she hid your Kools.

It was quitting smoking that caused a Forks Township man to drive a lawn tractor into the patio of his home and threaten to tear the house down with his wife inside.

So said Charles L. Brinker, 49, before he was sentenced to 18 months of probation, 15 hours of community service and fined $500 after he pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor charge of reckless endangerment.

"I was on Chantix to quit smoking, and I believe that had a lot to do with it," Brinker told Northampton County Judge F.P. Kimberly McFadden this morning. "I’m not a doctor, but I believe it had a lot to do with it."

On May 2, Brinker made the threats to his wife, Diane Brinker, as he drove a Bobcat loader into the rear patio of their 1005 Forest Hollow Drive home, according to court records. Police said he many times used the tractor to ram a bar that supports that house structurally.

Brinker has since reconciled with his wife, defense attorney Leonard Mellon, and she attended the sentencing with her husband. Source

Thank God Brinker made it clear he was NOT a doctor, otherwise we might have to take his testimony that quitting smoking and using an FDA approved medicine to do so could result in the killing of your wife with a tractor.

In hindsight, however, quitting smoking is not fun. I did it once. Before I realized that high school girls just fucking LOVE a guy who smokes. Then I had to totally start again because, who else is going to make sure those girls get good grades and get into college? Their teachers? Fuck that. They need the proper mentor.


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New Jersey Kids and Dad Sell Oxy, Have Facebook Pages

Sometimes, in-between my day dreams about dressing up my friend AY in duct tape and covering her in strawberry Quik, I wonder what it would be like to be the head of some sort of criminal operation.

I mean, who doesn’t? Not that I have the resources, money or, apparently, children to push my drugs for me, though:

Warren County authorities say a Pohatcong Township man, his two sons and five other people were involved in a drug ring that moved Oxycontin and other prescription painkillers from Essex County to this region.

"This is a pervasive drug at the moment," authorities said of Oxycontin during a news conference about the bust. "It’s a very hard habit to kick."

Frank J. Stillo is the ringleader, authorities say, and he ran the operation from his home at 4 Municipal Drive in the township.

Stillo’s sons Brandon M., 22, (Facebook page) and Jonathan W., 20, (OPEN Facebook Page) live there with him. They helped distribute drugs their father obtained from various sites in Essex County, authorities said.

The group’s other participants served much the same purpose, authorities say. They are:

Jonathan Stillo

• Alexander E. Johnson, 23, of the 700 block of Pahaquarry Street in Belvidere.

• Anthony Giammona, 57, of the 500 block of Delevan Avenue in Bloomfield, N.J.

• Daniel Moore, 20, of the 1000 block of Second Avenue in Alpha.

• Ronald P. Richie, 45, who lives with Giammona.

• Richard Faranda, 57, of the first block of James Street in Bloomfield Township, N.J. Source

What happened to just pretending you hurt your back while playing polo? That’s not good enough for an oxy prescription anymore? Fuck…

Jonathan Stillo (he’s on the left in that pic on the top) has some gems on his facebook page and, just in case someone shuts it down, I wanted to be sure we all got a chance to delve into the mind and world of a criminal mastermind!

Jonathan Stillo I hate when girls say their friends got a good personality, my friend joey has a good personality too, I don’t want him to blow me.

May 29 at 10:46am

Well, Johnny boy, I’d get ready to blow some dudes in jail!

Denise Edwards Johnny Stillo!!!!!! Are you behaving??? You look great! Tell your brother I said hello!!! Great to see you.

May 26 at 10:12pm · See Wall-to-Wall

Denise, Johnny Stillo isn’t here right now, he’s in jail. He has NOT been behaving.

Jonathan Stillo I need God right now

May 4 at 4:16pm · 

You need a good lawyer.

Jonathan Stillo macking bitches, killing snitches

April 29 at 5:24pm · 

Do not know what this means.

Michelle Harrison haha jonnyyy my man…i’ll only be in washington dc, not all the way in SC….i promise wknd trips home. i miss you!!April 24 at 12:02am

Michelle, unless you plan on visiting him in county, I wouldn’t bother.

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Second Superintendent Jumps Ship, This one in Allentown

So, first the Bethlehem superintendent up and leaves his post and now Allentown’s super is retiring (after next year.)

When animals sense a Tsunami is coming, they all fucking high tail it for the hills…

Just sayin..

Karen S. Angello, who has guided the struggling Allentown School District with a stern hand and a fierce work ethic since taking over as superintendent in 2002, will retire at the end of the 2009-10 school year, ending more than four decades as an educator.

She told the school board at its meeting Thursday night she is giving the one-year notice to ensure a smooth hand-off from her administration to the next.

”I will work with you in any way I can to assist in my transition,” said Angello, 66. ”I want this to be seamless.”

Her announcement came as the board approved a $228.9 million, no-tax-increase budget for the next school year.

The board voted 7-0, with members Joanne Jackson and Donna-Marie Daday absent, to accept Angello’s retirement as of June 30, 2010. She will earn $163,105 in her final year with the district. Angello said she and her husband plan to stay in the city after she retires. Source

Angello actually did do a good job in the Allentown School District.

It’s just that she also doesn’t come equipped with a machine gun and an endless supply of condoms and the resources to constantly apply them to teenagers’ parts when needed.

I mean, cmon, she can’t do EVERYTHING by herself.

I would, however, brace for a shit storm of some magnitude. The changing of two supers in two of the state’s largest school district’s nearly at the same time can’t be THAT good of thing … right?

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