January 2009
80 posts
5 tags
Allentown Barbershop was Cocaine Palace
What is it with the new age barbershops? I’m walking down the street and then *poof* all of a sudden there are 13 urban-themed barbershops. They are FILLED all the time with teenage to adult youths mostly wearing their new fangled hip hop gear. It’s like their YMCA. They go there and bullshit and hang out and maybe get a haircut. But, who needs a haircut every Wednesday?
I just...
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Best Western Lehigh Valley Hotel Good Place for...
There is a bar in Bethlehem, on the south side, called the You’re Welcome Inn. Before I turned 21, while at college, we would go there because they didn’t bother with the hassle of checking to see if you were of age or not. So, we could drink there and it was super awesome.
Now, looking back on it, I guess it was pretty fun, but man, does that place fucking suck. I’ve been to...
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Twitter Lehigh Valley With Love
For you crazy people who have learned how to use the Internets and were somehow able to get to this blog, I just wanted you to be aware that I have updates on Twitter!
That way, you can be alerted whenever a new post goes up. So, you can be alerted whenever anyone in the area is doing something stupid! (And I want to have more twitter friends than anyone else in the area.)
I mean, really, what...
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Former Northampton Councilman Hates Women
A former Northampton County Councilman was recently fired from his job as a township manager Berks County and then filed suit saying that an army of Amazonian women made sure that he was never going to succeed.
In a reversal of the usual sex discrimination case, former Northampton County Councilman Anthony Branco claims that being a man is what got him fired from his job as manager of Douglass...
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Wind Gap Bank Robber Not British
When you rob a bank… and this is all hypothetical… you want to make sure that you have some sort of cool gimmick so that the papers wil keep track of you. Sure, the money is great and all, but if you’re going to go to that length for some money, you might as well get some notoriety along with it. Right?
I would want to be the Jock Strap Robber. I would walk in and go up to the...
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Bethlehem Man Head Butts Because of Snow
I must admit that I didn’t feel much of doing anything with the weather the way it was last night.
Regardless, with the help of two of my friends, I did win the first place prize of a $50 gift card at the Bethlehem Brew Works. It was warm in there.
Some people, however, can’t be swayed to keep an open mind, calm demeanor and friendly neighborhood attitude when dealing with a storm...
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Allentown School District Unsafe
A day after two adult men went into Raub Middle School and stole a gold chain from a student, Allentown School District Superintendent Dr. OMG-SheLooksLikeaDude said that they are going to be all careful and blah, blah, blah, blah.
You should be scared. I touched on this yesterday, but it doesn’t seem like ASD gives a shit.
Allentown School District officials continue to work with city...
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Nazareth Man Hits Lawn Tractor (and Guy on It)
Don’t see this one all the time.
So, you’re minding your own business, plowing your driveway in your super nifty John Deere personal tractor and then BOOM layed out all over the place.
A Saylorsburg man suffered an unknown injury Wednesday when he was struck by a vehicle driven by a Nazareth man while operating a plow in Monroe County.
Pennsylvania State Police at Lehighton said...
Easton Texting Leads to Mistrial (COURT SUCKS)
Saw this coming, didn’t you? I knew you did. You’re so cute when you try hard.
The woman who couldn’t, you know, speak well because she was deaf had to text her testimony (scroll down and read it) because Northampton County wasn’t prepared enough to get a person who knows sign language to sit in and let the jurors understand what was going on.
The testimony got all sorts...
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Easton Woman Texts Testimony
This had to happen at some point.
Since Northampton County Court is apparently understocked with anyone who can do anything, the trial of a man who broke into an Easton woman’s home had to be carried on through text messaging.
With the prosecutors’ main witness deaf and a sign interpreter unavailable, a jury was forced to endure typed questions and answers for testimony in a case of...
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Bath Robbers Fence in Innocent Old Man
What do I know about Bath? As in, Bath, Pa.? I’m going to be honest here.
It is north of Bethlehem on 512.
You pass over some stupid train tracks before you get there
All of a sudden, you’re in Bath and there are buildings.
There is some sort of strip club there, right?
It’s about a mile big.
Then you leave Bath and you’re like, “What was that?” and the...
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Salisbury Basketball Coach Not Guilty (Obviously)
The Salisbury High School Basketball Coach who was forced to fucking resign becasue some douche bag in the crowd decided to heckle him throughout a game was found not guilty of going up there and giving the heckler what for.
Woo hoo, I love it when I blogged about this in the past.
A Lehigh County district judge ruled Tuesday that the former girls basketball coach at Salisbury High School was...
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Adults Beat Up Allentown Student IN SCHOOL
How about this fun story on an awful day. And, by awful I mean, wow I don’t want to go outside even if the office building was burning. Is it OK to wear a snuggie at work? Because I think it should be.
Two adults went into Raub Middle School in Allentown and not only assaulted a student (ripping off his gold necklace and choking him) but they also prevented the classroom teacher from...
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Easton Man Lies About Stolen Stuff
Well, I’m out for the day, but before I go, I leave you with this tale of morality.
It’s always a good thing to remember, when you’re calling the cops that is, to have some sort of actual crime to report.
Otherwise, you may be in some sort of trouble.
An Easton man who told police three men robbed him of $1,000 and a pack of cigarettes has been charged with filing a false...
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Slate Belt Raper in Jail after Raping Lady
I love the History Channel, absolutely love it. The only thing I don’t like are some of the WW2 drawn out shows on bi-plans and military tactics, but for the most part, it has some of the best programming on television.
I write this because I used to wonder how people would EVER get caught for a crime back in the olden days. There would be shows on about how some dude killed some lady in...
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Lehigh University Crime Gets Tweeted
Twitter is awesome.
I have one for Lehigh Valley with Love and one for myself.
(If you find my personal one by some accident I’ll grant you access.)
Anyway, I was scrolling through today and found this gem called, simply “lehigh_crime.”
Basically, whenever a crime is committed and reported on Lehigh University’s campus, it’s sent to this Web site called ucrime.com...
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Jobs Coming to Sands in Bethlehem (Morals Not)
Recession? What recession?
Sands Casino in Bethlehem is getting ready to hire people for about 1,000 positions that are becoming available.
Herein lies the question that I have asked, or I guess asked myself, when this whole “Casino is coming to Bethlehem” issue first came up.
We KNEW there were going to be more jobs available. Ok. But, now that they are here, does this make the...
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Dogs Not Genetically Engineered Enough. World...
I feel kinda bad. I heckled a guy who I think had Tourette’s Syndrome last night at an open mic. BUT, in my defense, I had no fucking clue he may have had Tourette’s until AFTER I heckled him the first time and he started stammering and making all these gutteral noises. Man. I felt kinda bad. But, I didn’t know. His comic rountine wasn’t that good anyway.
Now that...
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So, The Kid Just Fell? Great Reporting!
So, reports came in tha the student who was struck by a bus, Dakota Galusha, was pushed under the tires by another student.
Hmm, how quickly we are to judge. Turns out, according to a family member, that isn’t the truth:
A family member said the Northampton Area Middle School student who was killed by a bus earlier today was not pushed into the vehicle’s path, but slipped and fell...
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Northampton Student Struck by Bus Maybe Pushed?!?!
Holy CRAP. If the speculative early news reports have any semblance to truth, then get ready for a week (or more) chocked full of this story and related stories and spin off stories.
It seems, although no one is really manning up to say who did it, that the student, Dakota Galusha, may have been pushed into the path of a bus after he was dropped off via car at the middle school.
Officials are...
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Easton's Businesses Plan Dumb Stuff
Brainstorming sessions were great in high school. You know why? I’ll tell you why. Because it was kinda like a college philosophy class: no wrong answer. So, instead of actually trying to solve a problem or come up with a good idea, you could just let the awful ideas flow.
Teacher: What do you think the best way to present this project to other students would be?
Student A: Why don’t...
This Isn't Good (Part 2)
Um. The kid died.
A Northampton Area Middle School student died this morning after being struck by a school bus outside the school.
Linda Firestone, Northampton Area School District superintendent, issued a statement through her secretary indicating the unidentified child was hit at 7:15 this morning during student drop-off at the school.
Lehigh County Deputy Coroner Paul Hoffman said his...
This Isn't Good
A 12-year-old boy was hit by a school buss this morning in Northampton. Um, yeah, nothing funny about that.
I have a feeling there is going to be MUCH much more to this by the end of tonight. Just doesn’t seem to me that kids get hit by buses unless 1. they ran out in front of one or 2. driver error.
Authorities say they are investigating the death of a 12-year-old boy who was struck by a...
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Luzerne County has Co-Ed Prisons?
I grew up in the Poconos, so I always love to read the names of old towns I knew. It’s especially exciting when I kinda know where the police chases were heading.
A man and a woman apparently didn’t come back to prison after leaving for work release the other day. Now, first thing’s first. Generally, when you’re on work release it kinda means you don’t have THAT much...
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Palmer Township is Racist (Apparently)
You would think that not even a week after the first half African-American was elected President, we would be a little bit senstive to the ideals of racial acceptance.
Eh, not so in Palmer. (Which is connected to Easton, btw.)
A Community Basketball League game on Friday between a 17-and-under team from Phillipsburg and another from Palmer Township deteriorated from trash-talking to racial...
Things to do in the Lehigh Valley
To the surprise of no one, I don’t think there is anything going on this weekend in the area.
So, in your best interests, I’m going to come up with some things you can do. Since, apparently no one will go to happy hour with me or shoot pool. Seriously, wtf? You all really hurt me, like DEEP.
Crocodile Rock Cafe (why is it called a cafe?) will be hosting Ryan Cabrera on Saturday at...
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Lehigh Valley Smoking Ban Bad Guys
The state released a list of all the bad, bad establishments that have been given warnings for allowing people to smoke when they are clearly not allowed!!!! The full list is here, but I figured I would highlight some highlights.
From Allentown:
Astor Bingo Hall 1719 Hanover Avenue
Bass Steakhouse & Island Bar 1401 South Front Street
Jellybeans Southside Jam 1996 South 5th Street
Mezza...
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Easton Man Sooo Going to Hell
An Easton man killed his ex-girlfriend on the street, in front of his son and, well, is going to rot away for a long time in prison.
What I don’t get about this story is just how nonsensical it is. It really makes you stop and think about people and what their motives are. I mean, this guy apparently shot his ex in the back in front of their son just because he thought she was sleeping...
Banned from Express-Times!
Without any provocation, contact or e-mail of ANY kind, my blog was listed on the Express-Times’ blog page as one of the listed blogs. I never asked them to do it, but thought it was nice that they would take the time to list me.
All I would do was comment on one of their stories and then I’d place a link to my blog. Not selling anything, not making any money off of any link I...
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Bethlehem Boy Attacks Mom Over Playstation
This has happened somewhere else before, but it’s just so much nicer when it happens close to home.
A 16-year-old Bethlehem boy was arrested Thursday night after he allegedly attacked his mom with a knife and punched her because she took away his PlayStation.
Bethlehem police said the boy, who was not identified, attacked Lucia Carambot-Gimin at 6:22 p.m., slashing her hand. She was...
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Slate Belt Bar Smokes Away Money
YES! I have been waiting for a bar to do this. Well, not actually DO it, but to get caught for doing it.
As you may well know, unless a bar makes 75 percent of its business in alcohol sales or more, you can’t smoke there. There are many small pubs (like Joe’s Tavern and Ripper’s Pub in Bethlehem) that you can still light up at. However, if you’re making some money selling...
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Bats are Gonna DIE!!!!
To this day I get asked by people I went to school with about how my pet hamster died. I say “It had wet ass disease and there was nothing I could do.”
Then they say, “Fuck you animal killer.”
And, I’m like, WTF? It had wet ass disease. And I got that term from the vet I called.
So, to settle this forever: Go HERE to learn about Wet Ass Disease (also known as WAD)
...
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Whitehall Woman's Horse Gets 'Mane'gled
I had a girlfriend who rode horses in high school. I would make her shower before we ever made out. Man, they fucking stink. And it’s not just like, oh my hands smell from handling some onions, it like sinks into your pores. You really have to scrub that smell outta there. It’s like a mix of chap leather and prarie dust and mayo. And girl.
Horses, for the record, scare me. I always...
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Easton Woman an Actual Witch
Witches never really scared me. I thought they just seemed a bit misunderstood and lonely. Wouldn’t you be fucking crazy if all you did all day was make some sort of frog leg stew and live in the woods and no one would come visit you because you had a wart on your face? Some people are just so insensitive.
Apparently, there is at least one witch in Easton. If you ever told me a...
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Bethlehem Hooligans Steal Pennies and Shotguns
Ah, nothing like a nice night on the town breaking into cars and taking pennies from the cup holders. A Bethlehem duo were recently arrested for doing just that. They also came away with at least one shotgun (was it in the passenger seat? ha) and probably a shitload of all that garbage that teenage girls dangle from their rearview mirrors.
A pair of Bethlehem man who allegedly entered nearly 100...
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Starters is Bailed Out (Thank God)
Starters Riverport is one of my least favorite bars in the area. The thing is, I really don’t know why. I like all types of places with alcohol. I like the Brew Works, and that’s easily more pretentious. I like dive bars, and they are easily much crappier in terms of selection and taste. I don’t get it. I just don’t like Starters.
To me, it’s like that kid in middle...
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Lehigh Valley Zoo's Gonna Get The Axe
The Lehigh Valley Zoo (cough, ahem, ahem) is one of those things that you hear about and go, “Yeah, cool idea. Glad they have it. Will I go? Um, no. Wait, they have penguins? Eh, nah I’ll just drive to Philly and see some FUCKING GIRAFFES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Someone said there were giraffes there, but, um, no listing on the web site, you think they’d want to promote...
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Penn State Kids Sell Drugs
Ahh, college. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the time you were SUPPOSED to do drugs, but for some reason, if you sold them you were a prick. I never really understood that (not that I ever sold drugs, but) just seemed weird that the one dude who was supplying your party with all the fun was the one guy you DID NOT want to attend said party.
Kinda makes you think in...
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Pssst, Allentown, SHUT YOUR WINDOWS!
So, on paper, the crime in Allentown dropped in 2008, which is a good thing. Hey, less dead people, less people getting almost dead = completely good stuff and I’m really proud of the proactive and truly different form of government and administration that has led to such a drop.
For the second straight year, crime in Allentown decreased as the city had its lowest homicide total in four...
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Bethlehem Man Beyond Unlucky
I have been lucky enough to not have been a victim of a violent crime throughout my life, unless you consider a psycho girlfriend coming at you with a picture frame and breaking it over your head because she was drunk and stupid a crime…hmm shoulda reported that. A Bethlehem man was recently shot and, it turns out, has a penchant for having his skin cut into by metal objects.
Bethlehem...
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Old Easton Footballers to Put on Pads
There are a lot of sports you can play well into your golden years: soccer, baseball, running, tennis, badminton, sport fucking. There are others that you shouldn’t, for the interest of your spine and your family, play after 35 unless you are a professional.
Those sports would include: football.
Seriously, if you haven’t put on shoulder pads in more than ten years, putting them on...
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Woman Steals $90K for Step-Daughter's College
College is expensive pretty much wherever you go. Whether it’s community college or a $40 K plus private school, you’re fucked for awhile. Trust me, I know. A local woman, however, chose to go ahead and finance her step-daughter’s college career by stealing more than $90,000 from her mother-in-law.
Using her mother-in-law’s identity, a Schuylkill County woman stole...
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Bethlehem Nightclub Eye Popper Sentenced
Everyone has been in some sort of bar fight in their life. Even if they didn’t actually fight, there was that time that you brushed up against some big dude and he was like “What the fuck, get out of my way.” Or that other time you accidently spilled your drink all over the girl in the white shirt and her boyfriend was all about kicking your ass. Or the one time you said you were...
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Chivalrous Criminal Strikes Lehigh Valley
There’s something somewhere in the Bible (my education from BECA is being put to good use here) that says you should help people if they need it. Not so in the Lehigh Valley, where if you are an unsuspecting young man, the last thing you should be doing right now is helping people:
Investigators say he’s targeting young men in their late teens and 20’s…and asking them for...
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Cold Days in the Lehigh Valley
What’s this? A post about weather? And not about tornadoes or floods or Tsunamis? (Wait, are Tsunamis weather? or are they natural phenomenon? Hmm…)
Anyway, if you haven’t noticed today is fucking cold. And by cold I mean schools are delayed and shit. Thank goodness we have online news now to make sure we know what to do in this type of weather.
Temperatures are slowly...
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Lehigh Valley Bank Robbers Actually Caught?
Wowie! Hopefully this is a sign of a few things to come. With a rash of bank robberies in the last month, the Lehigh Valley looked like a good place for criminals to come, get a few grand and retire. Bank after bank after bank was robbed, sometimes on the same day, and the criminals were getting away.
Well, looks like the police are off vacation and it looks like, at least in this case, the...
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Easton Kiddie Pornster Falls Down
It must be traumatic to realize you are going to get raped in prison. Over and over and over and over.
An Easton man who was caught with child pornography collapsed in court Thursday moments after he was sentenced to nine months to five years in county prison. John F. King, 46, of 429 McCartney St., fell sideways as Northampton County Judge Paula Roscioli discussed with his attorney whether he...
Allentown Man Obsesses Over Oysters
Some people with OCD religiously wash their hands or organize food in the refrigerator by color. An Allentown man has an even weirder affliction.
If a man’s home is his castle, Howard Cohen’s backyard is his resort. It’s more than a grill and patio. It also has floating stairs, antique lawn ornaments and a border of 3,000 oyster shells, all hand-placed so they’re facing...