If You're Going to Smoke Up Before School, at Least Think Ahead

I think I said how I used to skip lunch all the time in high school (we weren’t allowed to eat off campus) and head down to McDonald’s because they had the two Big Macs for $2 back then and, holy awesome, that was awesome. But, other than that, I never really skipped school because I hated having to make work up. I did ALL of my homework in study hall, never brought any home. That’s probably why I’m writing this blog now, but that’s besides the point, really.

But, if you ARE going to skip school, or go in late, or whatever, the first rule (and this applies to work kinda, too) is to KNOW the rules and know what is going to happen when you do certain things.

For example, if you’re going to skip a day and just NOT go in, understand that the school may contact your home, or that you may need to provide a note listing why you were absent. You have to plan for this shit, copy your mom’s signature, or at least know how to sound like your dad on the phone.

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail, people.

Bethlehem police reported four thefts from cars, two burglaries and that a 16-year-old girl allegedly brought a marijuana cigarette to Liberty High School.

The girl, of West Market Street, handed a school official a doctor’s note Thursday morning, police said, on which was a conspicuous stain that smelled of marijuana. The girl was searched and a marijuana cigarette was found in a coat pocket, police said.
 The girl was charged with possession of a small amount of marijuana. Source

What did you THINK was going to happen when you came into school after smoking up, Miss Intelligent? Did you think that the note that you had on you was going to just end up in the “school official’s” hand without you giving it to them. AND if you knew you were going to have any close contact with said school official, don’t you think that you would want to make sure you changed clothes, or at least showered, before doing so? It’s widely known that asshole adults have to go through a strict “what alcohol and drugs smell like on kids” class to get their “Asshole Adult” badge.See, if you wanna break the rules, you gotta KNOW the rules, kiddos. This has been a lesson from your Uncle Lovey.See you at First Friday.

Woman Escapes Burning Car and is Hit By a Truck

Wow, this sucks.

So, you’ve just noticed that your car is on fire and you somehow get it to the side of the road. But, your seatbelt won’t come undone and the flames are creeping up the dash, closer and closer to your face. You can smell the melting plastic and feel the heat start to melt your contact lenses. But then, just as the car is about to explode, you get free from the seatbelt and run from the burning car… only to get fucking hit by a truck.

Seriously, is there anything more deflating than that? Isn’t that just a movie scene that you hate to watch?

Well, it’s real.

A woman was hit by a truck Thursday night when she jumped out of her burning car on Route 309 in Quakertown, according to police radio reports.

The woman was trying to escape the car’s flames at 7:25 p.m. at 206 S. West End Blvd., police said. This part of West End Boulevard is Route 309, near Park Avenue.

The woman’s injuries were reported as serious. Route 309 was shut down while the woman was helped and the accident cleaned up. The woman was taken to St. Luke’s Hospital-Fountain Hill. Source

Can this lady get a fucking break? :( <————— That sad face is for you burning car hit by truck lady. I hope you’re ok.

Oh, btw, speaking of getting hit by trucks, First Friday is tonight on the south side of Bethlehem and it should be a burning good time! Who’s coming? EH, eh?

Giant Beef RECALLED Due to E.Coli (Yuck)

I remember having some sort of conversation about how the government shouldn’t get involved in regulating things and should stay out of people’s business, but then something like, oh, I don’t know, infected beef happens and you’re happy that SOME governmental agency is checking this shit, cause I’m surely not.

Giant Food Stores and Martin’s Food Markets today updated their product list and sell-by product codes in relation to a recent national recall of fresh ground beef due to possible E. coli contamination.

Fairbank Farms, a supplier of ground beef to Giant Food Stores, has recalled fresh ground beef products that have been contaminated with E. coli O157:H7, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s Food Safety and Inspection Service.

Products with sell-by dates of September 19 – October 5, 2009 are affected. The following updated list of affected products is not currently in stores but may be in customer freezers:

• 73% Giant Brand Lean Ground Beef
• 80% Giant Brand Lean Ground Beef
• 85% Giant Brand Lean Ground Beef
• 90% Giant Brand Lean Ground Beef
• 96% Giant Brand Lean Ground Beef
• Giant Brand Chili Meat
• Giant Brand Meat Loaf Mix
• Giant Brand Stuffed Mushrooms with Ground Beef
• Giant Brand Pub Style Burgers
• Giant Brand Stuffed Peppers with Ground Beef
• Giant Brand Meatballs
• Nature’s Promise Ground Beef
• Nature’s Promise Patties Source

Well, that’s a lot of meat to be recalled. I wonder what they do with all the infected meat… something tells me that shipping it to an African nation wouldn’t be THAT bad of an idea. Don’t those people already have a built up tolerance to E.coli?

In other news, when was the last time you had a Sloppy Joe? Because, if you’re like me, it has just been way too long.

Sloppy Joe, Slop, Sloppy Joe.

Bethlehem Starts Spending Dirty Casino Money! YEAH!

We all knew that the Casino would bring in some money for Bethlehem, that was the whole idea. The idea was that they would give Bethlehem money and the city could spend it on all sorts of stuff, like more Fests and police patrols and cats that glow in the dark and Lisa Boscola’s bar tab.

So, depending on your stance, the fact that the Bethlehem budget increased by a few million dollars, but there will be no tax increase is 1. a good thing or 2. direct evidence that the city is now controlled by the seedy underworld.

Express-Times File PhotoJohn Callahan speaks in May 2008. Bethlehem won’t raise taxes next year despite increasing the budget by more than $6 million, Mayor John Callahan said this morning.

The city is expecting an almost $5.8 million increase in casino host fees and also is expecting its real estate assessments, earned income taxes and business privilege taxes to increase modestly, Callahan said at the Greater Lehigh Valley Chamber of Commerce’s annual business breakfast.

Callahan proposed keeping the city’s tax rate at 14.1 mills, with a possible decrease in 2012.

“We will work very hard to deliver a no-tax increase budget,” he said.

His overall proposed 2010 budget is $71.6 million compared to this year’s $65.5 million budget. The city’s two greatest expenditure increases next year will be salaries ($1.9 million) and health benefits ($1.6 million), Callahan said. Source

They better put some of this money toward a monorail, because, once a city has a monorail, it officially has “made it.”

Also, they should look into possibly bringing in more bars and tattoo shops, and if they could swing in some more hookah bars, that would be great.

Hey, maybe they could also bring in Musikfest Part II, set exactly at the halfway point between when Musikfest ends and begins. It’ll be cold, but, fuck, let’s theme it that way, only bring in bands that play in Canada and Iceland. I can see it now.

Operation "Ice Crusher" Ices Drugs Cold

Is there one guy in charge of coming up with the names of the “Operations” that the military and police run? Because, if there is, I’m sending in my resume immediately.

For Sex Stings: Operation Now You’re Limp

For Drug Rings: Operation Sniffy Sniff

For Underage Online Chats: Operation Toddler Butts

I have a bright future, methinks.

The Hunterdon Prosecutor’s Office has announced the arrests of 11 people in connection with a crystal methamphetamine ring that operated out of Raritan Township.

The arrests are the culmination of a three-month investigation dubbed “Operation Ice Crusher,” the prosecutor’s office says in a news release issued this morning.

Charged as the ringleader is Antonio Rodriguez, 42, of Larch Court. Authorities said he acted as a primary supplier of meth in a network that spanned several counties in New Jersey. Rodriguez was arrested Friday when police served a warrant on his home and seized drugs and “vehicles indicative of drug trafficking,” authorities said.

Also charged with running the operation is Josemanol Referente, 33, of North Brunswick, N.J. Source

Man meth is one hell of a drug. Don’t ever do that one, kids, stick to your silly inhalants and whatever else you do, but don’t cross that line, you don’t come back.

So, I was thinking, if I do get this job, what do I do all day? It’s gotta be awesome, like an all day brain storming session.

The boss comes in and is like, “Hey McGruber, you have to come up with an awesome name for the Prostitution Sting we’re doing downtown tonight so that when we go to the newspapers with the information we can sound FUCKING AWESOME!!!!”

Then I get to look at porn all day and just think about what I’m supposed to come up with that is not only ironic, but clever as well.

OPERATION SWINDLE DICK!

First Murder in Bethlehem in More Than Two Years Happens Where You Thought it Would

I was surprised to learn that there hasn’t been a homicide in Bethlehem in nearly two years! It’s true!

Now, the details are sketchy, however, I’m preettttttyyyy sure that it went something like this:

Murderer: WHERE ARE MY DRUGS/MONEY FOR DRUGS/WOMEN WHO ARE DRUG ADDICTS????

Murder Victim: Shit fool, I don’t know. *runs

Murderer: *Gives Chase *stab stab stab stab

Murder Vicitim: ARgh

Police are investigating the stabbing death of a man early this morning in Bethlehem Housing Authority’s Marvine-Pembroke development.

Northampton County District Attorney John Morganelli said he was called about 3 o’clock this morning to a home on Howard Street, where a man was found dead. He is calling the death a homicide and said it appears to be the result of a personal matter, not a random attack.

Bethlehem police say the man was found face-down partially on the grass and a patio behind a home in the 1300 block of Hilton Street, which faces Howard Street. Police tape is wrapped around four housing units and tied to a teal Honda Civic hatchback.

A woman who lives in the 1300 block of Hilton Street, but would not provide her name, said that her son came in at 1:30 this morning and woke up her and his father, saying “‘Daddy, daddy, there’s a body laying in the yard.’”

The woman called 911. She said she saw the victim lying face-down in the grass, and his cell phone was plugged into an electrical outlet on her patio. She said she does not know the man or how he ended up in her yard, but she will never be able to walk out her back door again. Source

Before you start getting on me. This happened at like 1 a.m. in the Pembroke section of Bethlehem, which is NOTORIOUS for drugs, crime, etc. Odds are they weren’t outside playing pinochole after midnight on a Wednesday.

Does this mean he deserved to get stabbed? I doubt it, but just keep things in perspective. There are a hundred other places that you could be at 1 a.m. on a Wednesday that wouldn’t result in your death. Like a Wal-Mart, for example.

Robbers Choose to Hide in WRONG Area of Easton

Hypthoetically, if I were to rob a bank in New Jersey, I guess a good place to try and hide out would be Easton, considering there are 500 crimes going on there at any given time.

It’s like dressing up like a bush and hiding in the woods. It should take awhile before the cops figure out that you, too, are a criminal.

Unfortunately for these guys, who chose to rob a fucking deli of all places, they headed to the WRONG AREA of Easton.

Two men wanted for allegedly robbing a Greenwich Township deli this afternoon crossed the state line and were nabbed in Easton, New Jersey State Police said.

The robbery occurred at the Stewartsville Deli, 458 St. James Ave. (Route 519) in Greenwich Township, and emergency scanner reports indicate a weapon was shown. A gray Pontiac with Pennsylvania registration that may not match the car was seen heading west on Greenwich Street toward Route 22.

New Jersey State Police combed the College Hill area of Easton for two suspects, and emergency scanner reports indicated they were nabbed about 1:20 this afternoon.

The gray Pontiac Grand Prix was surrounded by police tape on Coleman Street, about 20 yards up from Pierce Street on College Hill, near Lafayette College’s Kirby Sports Center.  Source

Yeah, if you’re going to hide out in Easton you don’t head up to LAFAYETTE COLLEGE!!!! Cmon. Are there any Pontiacs up there anyway? You’re going to stick out like a, well, a bunch of dudes who just robbed a deli. Not so smart.

You have to head to like 10th and Butler or something. I don’t think the cops even drive their patrol cars down there. Just sit there for awhile, get a canoe and head down the river, boom, free. That seemed to work for John Wilkes Booth…

Scooters are Cool. Even if You Get Shot on Them.

In college, I was way ahead of my time. See, I had a scooter. One of those Vespa type scooters. And everyone was all like “Wow, you’re super gay for having a scooter.” And I turned my nose in the air and rode my scooter to and fro around town, to the cafeteria, to chick’s houses, to the hot dog shop, down to the river, to look at ducks, etc. I didn’t care that people saw my scooter as some sort of threat to their masculinity. I liked my scooter and it liked me and although it had a hard time getting up some hills, it was still a nice piece of machinery.

In fact, I look back fondly on my scooter period and realize that it was important in my own self development and allowed me to be someone who wasn’t just able to ride a scooter, but was also able to buck cool social opinion in favor of one own’s personal enjoyment.

I didn’t hurt nobody, I just rode my scooter.

NOW EVERYONE has a freaking scooter. It’s like Milan out there. Everyone’s like “oh scooter’s are sooooo coooool.” Yeah, well, buddy. I started that shit. I should get some sort of kickback.

My scooter is now in the hands of some chick I sold it to awhile back. I hope she’s treating it well. I had an awesome Radiohead sticker on it.

Anyway, I don’t think this kid will be riding his scooter any time soon.

Almost two days after four people were shot at a Halloween party in Tunkhannock Township, a 17-year-old boy riding a scooter was hit in a drive-by shooting in the same development, Pocono Mountain Regional police said.

The boy, who was not identified, was taken to Community Medical Center in Scranton last night where he underwent emergency surgery for a gunshot wound to the abdomen.

Pocono Mountain Regional police said that the boy was riding his scooter at 5:30 p.m. yesterday on Glade Drive South in the Emerald Lakes development when a gold or beige Jeep Wrangler approached him. As the Jeep passed him, he was shot and fell to the ground. The Jeep sped off toward Long Pond Road, police said. Source

He wasn’t shut with a fucking paintgun kids. He was shot with a bullet. Like the ones you see on TV.

HOLY FUCK, I’m almost glad this is a bit north and not in the Valley, because if someone is out there targeting people on scooters…. well, then there is not only an awesome B movie script in the works, but a lot of trendy chicks who are getting to work are going to be at risk.

High School Forced to Cut Wiccan Club, Among Others

It’s always fun when schools have to make budget cuts, because you get to see what they deem to be “important” and what they deem to be “really fucking useless.” See, this is great in getting the asshole temperature of a school district or high school in general. Of COURSE, they aren’t going to touch football or any sort of club that includes international students, but if you happen to be a part of a club that doesn’t exactly jive with the politics of the school board, you’re fucked.

Oh, and if you’re parents don’t have any money and you’re a member of one of these clubs that PROBABLY is more beneficial than the “Young Greeks” club, you’re fucked too.

Freedom High School Principal Mike LaPorta knows the classroom alone often is not enough to make teenagers feel like part of a community. After-school clubs also help them find their niche.

So last month, it crushed LaPorta when he had to eliminate 28 of 51 non-curricular clubs at his Bethlehem Township school because he had a limited amount of money to cover teacher stipends as club advisers.

Gone were the Bible, Gay-Straight Alliance, German, French, Young Republicans, Young Democrats clubs and others. A total of 600 students lost memberships to clubs, which carried stipends of about $354 each.

”It was difficult,” he said. ”I’m looking at picking and choosing what kids’ club deserves priority over another kids’ clubs.”

It’s the same story at Liberty, Bethlehem Area School District’s other high school. Liberty Principal JoAnn Durante also slashed the number of clubs by more than half to eliminate about $11,696 in stipend costs.

Some of Liberty’s eliminated clubs: Audio Visual Aides, Mini Globe Trotters, Mock Trial, Video Game and Wiccan. Source

WOWSERS. The Bible Club is gone the same day as the GAY-STRAIGHT ALLIANCE CLUB??!??! Fuck the Germans! Fuck the French! Fuck the Video Games! Fuck the Democrats! Fuck the Republicans! Fuck the Mock Trialists and the min-globe trotters (wtf is that?)

GO FOOTBALL!!!!!

Oh, I love people and their fun little community projects.

Kutztown U. Has Tons of Drugs on Campus. Really? NOOOO.

There are some things that are just not surprising, to the point that they are almost boring to bring up and aren’t funny anymore.

We all know that if you go to Kutztown Universtity you probably have an STD. If you go to Lehigh, you’re a douche. If you go to Lafayette, you’re a second rate douche. If you go to Muhlenberg, no one knows you exist. If you go to Moravian, you’re parents are rich and hate you. If you go to Cedar Crest, you are a lesbian. If you go to NCCC, you’re dumb. If you go to LCCC, you’re dumber and if you go to Penn State - Lehigh Valley, you might as well stop talking about how you’re going to go to main campus really soon.

Oh, and almost forgot, if you go to DeSales, ummm, uhhhhh, you really like the outdoors and not having girls in your room after darK? Sure, that works.

So, some kids get busted on Ktown campus with weed, then they do some research and it tracks back to, you guessed it, WILSON (which is basically Easton, just somehow tucked insided like a bad surprise.)

A Kutztown University senior was majoring in business administration and already making a decent living by selling high-end marijuana to his classmates, according to authorities.

Blasé Garrecht got the pot, including some that sold for thousands of dollars a pound, from a contact who operated out of a used car lot in Wilson, authorities announced at a news conference Monday. He allegedly had another Kutztown student — Joe Finocchio, a sophomore majoring in criminal justice — help him sell it.

The investigation began more than a year ago after an undercover buy from a Kutztown student who identified Garrecht as his supplier and told police that demand for pot at the university was ”tremendous,” according to authorities.

Garrecht, Finocchio and their alleged suppliers — three brothers and their mother who worked out of the used car lot in Wilson, and three other men — have been charged in what officials called a $2.5 million marijuana and money-laundering operation that linked New York City, the Easton area and Kutztown University.

”Drug dealers know that there is a strong demand for marijuana on college campuses, and they are not afraid to use the students to be their distributors on the college campuses,” Pennsylvania Attorney General Tom Corbett said at his agency’s office in Allentown.

The investigation was dubbed Operation 777 after the used car lot in Wilson that authorities considered the base of operations for the ring, which allegedly sold different types of pot for $1,000 to $5,200 a pound, including Chocolate Thai that went for about $3,000 a pound.

Corbett said Kendell ”Sho” Alexander, 30, of Yonkers, N.Y., sent shipments of the high-grade marijuana and Ecstasy pills from New York to his brothers in the Easton area. Source

I actually recommend reading this story, there are some more twists in there that I’m way too lazy to write about an include here.

There is something a bit sad about this, and that’s that the Chocolate Thai pot, which is probably fucking awesome, is now off the streets and in the hands of some cops who are going to “lose it” in the evidence room. Fuckers.

Also, this is why pot should be legalized, because they ONLY thing here that is all fucked up and wrong is that some shady people have to set up a phony business to sell and traffic the pot, resulting in people having guns and sometimes them shooting said guns. So, legalize the fucking shit and have these criminals move on to some other criminal activity, like gathering up all the salvia for when they outlaw that plant, too.

Ok, move on, nothing to see here.

Robber Gets Founded At House

Wait, did you vote today? There are people to be elected who don’t care about your family or what you do, unless you’re rich, but then if you were you probably wouldn’t be reading this BS.

Anyway…remember the guy who dropped his wallet in the bank he just robbed? Well, the found him, like two miles away…

The alleged robber who left his wallet at the Bethlehem bank he held up in September has been arrested.

Bethlehem police made the collar late Monday night after receiving a tip that Lloyd V. Barclay was staying at a home in the 700 block of Spring Street. Officers surrounded the house and made several announcements for Barclay to come out, but he tried to run out the back door, police said.

Barclay was taken to Lehigh County central booking where he was charged with robbery, theft and receiving stolen property. He was sent to Lehigh County Prison in lieu of $500,000 bail.

Police had been searching for Barclay since Sept. 2 when he allegedly robbed the KNBT bank in the 900 block of West Broad Street. He left his wallet on the counter as he fled the bank with cash, police said. Source

You knew this guy was bound to get caught. Who leaves their wallet on the counter of the bank they robbed? In fact, who takes out their wallet when they go to rob a bank?

I’m  just surprised at how close he was to the bank he robbed. Without boring you with directions, it’s probably only a 10 minute walk or so from the bank to the house he was found in, which is pretty amazing since you’d think the cops would still be looking for this dude and also the fact that he has like one tooth and it’s fucking golden.

Whatever.

Man Bites Woman on the Mouth at the Sands

That crazy casino is at it again!

I can honestly say that I’ve never bitten anyone with the intent of hurting them, it was more like a “You should bite me” kind of thing.

Oh, and the way that he bit her, squarely on the mouth, wtf?

A 31-year-old Allentown man was arrested Friday night after allegedly biting and choking a woman during a fight at the Sands Casino Resort Bethlehem.

Charles Boykins of 902 E. Congress St., was in a ”physical altercation” with a 34-year-old woman on the casino floor about 11 p.m., according to state police gaming enforcement Trooper Edward Bloomfield.

Boykins is accused of grabbing the woman by the throat and biting her mouth during the fight. Source

I have to say that I’m pissed lately that there aren’t a lot of people committing crimes whilst also having open Facebook pages. Either people are getting smarter or Facebook is getting less popular.

I’m not a fan of either event.

Car Surfing Not The Best Idea Ever

I did this EXACT same thing when I was in high school and, looking back on it more than ten years later, I still can’t believe how DUMB we were, even then.

We’d take my old Sundance and drive up and down the back roads of rural Pennsylvania, however, someone would be on TOP of the car, holding on by putting their hands into the ajar moonroof. We once got up to like 80 miles per hour.

The fun ended one night when one of my friends decided to jump from the car (which was going about 12 mph in this instance) and try to land on a grassy patch in my high school’s sports complex parking lot. Well, he missed, landed on his head, they had to staple his scalp back together and I wasn’t allowed to park on high school property for two weeks, but that’s about that.

Either way, don’t try this at home.

A 17-year-old Hackettstown High School student was flown Friday to Morristown Memorial Hospital after he fell off the hood of his friend’s moving car.

Hackettstown police responded about 4:30 p.m. to the high school at 701 Warren St. for a report of a pedestrian hit by a car. An investigation revealed a 17-year-old boy was riding on the hood of a car driven by another 17-year-old boy. Police did not identify either teen.

The driver hit the brakes, and his friend lost his grip, slid off and hit his head on the ground. He was treated for his head injury and has since been released from the hospital, according to a news release issued this morning.

The driver was cited for allowing his friend to ride on the hood of his car. Source

There is actually some law that specifically states that you can’t let people hang on to the outside of your car. Which obviously means that this type of behavior has been done many times even before when I did it.

At least the kid is alive, I wasn’t sure if my friend was going to make it. Scary shit…

Sweep The Leg, at the Post Office.

I hated all those kids who took karate when we were in elementary school and they would wear their stupid karate smocks to school some days cause they had some “big tournament” or something right after. And they would always use their karate for evil, not the way it was intended. Like, you’re supposed to only use your karate to protect yourself, right Bruce Lee? You shouldn’t be punching and chopping kids just cause you want to be next in line for kickball.

Whatever.

Barry Lee Bendekovits, 52, of Bethlehem, faces charges after engaging in a fight with man at Bethlehem’s Post Office at 535 Wood St., according to police.

Police say Bendekovits was upset about a parking situation at the Post Office and confronted another man and began yelling at him.

According to police, Bendekovits reported going into “karate mode” and then not remembering anything after that.

Police say Bendekovits is charged with disorderly conduct and making unreasonable noise. Source

I wish I had a “karate mode.” All I have is “weekday mode” and “weekend mode” and “awesomely attractive mode.”

Karate mode could definitely come in handy.

You Don't Steal a Man's PBR

Well, Halloween is upon us and that means only one thing: Girls dressed up like sluts.

Isn’t it odd now that if you see a girl NOT dressed up as a “Slutty Cat” or a “Whorish Bat” you think she’s got some issues or something? Like, if she were to take the time to make a kick ass Transformer costume you’d be like, “Um, why isn’t your ass hanging out?”

We’re such a sad society.

Not as sad as this fellow, however, who really lost before he even tried.

John Higginbotham, 55, who lives in the Kitnersville section of Bucks County, was charged Thursday by Pennridge Regional police with burglarizing a home and stealing seven 16-oz cans of Pabst.

Chief David A. Mettin said Higginbotham twice had gone to his old neighbor’s home in the 1600 block of Park Avenue to ask for beer. The neighbor obliged, Mettin said, even giving Higginbotham an extra one the second time. At 6 p.m., when the neighbor returned home, Mettin said, he found his door window broken, his deadbolt unlocked and his beer gone.

It wasn’t hard to figure out who it was, Mettin said.

Police went to Higginbotham’s former township house on Three Mile Run Road, where they found six empty beer cans in the garage. Higginbotham admitted to the burglary, Mettin said.

“We knew he couldn’t have gotten far,” Mettin said.

Higginbotham was charged with burglary, theft and receiving stolen property. He was released on his own recognizance. Source

Only 6? Man. This guy was super hard up. I mean, I’ve had beer cravings before, but I can’t say I’d break into my neighbor’s house, who I just asked for beer, just to ease the shakes.

But, them be the breaks.

Ok, kids, off to play dress up like Culture Club.