The Lehigh Valley. Allentown, Bethlehem, Easton and everything, and everyone, in-between.
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Bethlehem Parking Authority MAY Raise Ticket Prices by $15 to $25!

The Bethlehem Parking Authority will never be invited to anyone’s birthday party. 

It looks like they may raise ticket prices and, to be honest, what they say makes sense.

For example, if I’m heading downtown at like, say, noon and I know that I’m going to stay there all night that would cost me about $9. 

So, is it worth it to just not pay the meter and have to pay a $10 fine or use the app that can sometimes be annoying at have to reup every three hours or actually trudge back to my car and put in money every three hours?

There are actually people who would just rather pay the ticket, since it’s $10. I’ve seen it happen with my own two eyeballs.

The Bethlehem Parking Authority has proposed raising most parking tickets from $10 to $25, a decision that will ultimately be up to city council.

Authority board Chairman Joe Hoffmeier said the $10 fine is too low to deter many people from parking illegally.

"If it’s $10, people are just paying it," he said. "We’d rather have people pay the meters."

The parking authority in 2012 gave out 40,283 tickets for meter violations and in 2013 gave out 33,410 meter violation tickets, authority Executive Director Kevin Livingston said. With only 1,300 meters citywide, that high number of tickets shows there are a lot of people not paying the meters, he said.

"It shows $10 isn’t an appropriate deterrent," Livingston said. "I’ve had people tell me, ‘I don’t even pay the meter, because if I get the ticket it’s $10, who cares?’" SOURCE: The Express-Times

She’s right. I mean, if you want to deter people from NOT paying the meters, you have to make the consequences something that they don’t want to deal with.

It’s kind of like when someone cheats at Monopoly, if you don’t punch them in the face, they are going to keep doing it.

So, the Bethlehem Parking Authority just has to punch you in the face a little bit harder and maybe you’ll pay them the $1 per hour it costs to park downtown at a three hour limit.

And, if you double park on main street, your car tires should be flattened immediately. All of them. Stop double parking to go pick up your take out Thai food. Dick.

Brought to you by ManDudeBro at SteelStacks this Friday night!

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Man Lights Woman’s Vagina On Fire (DISTURBING CONTENT)

I don’t usually preface a story with a warning, but this one is pretty effing nuts.

And, let’s be honest, there isn’t anything funny this at all. Period. 

However, it happened…

So….

A 46-year-old Lititz man has been charged with assaulting a woman over several days, including lighting her genital area on fire, police said.

Police charged Donald Dale Hackman Jr., of the first block of East Main Street in Lititz, with felony arson, aggravated assault, false imprisonment and misdemeanor simple assault.

The victim told police that Hackman, with whom she and her son had been staying with for about a month, assaulted her over the course of several days.

Hackman reportedly struck her repeatedly in the face and stomach with a closed fist and beat her several times with a belt, according to police.

It was during one of the assaults that Hackman lit her genital area on fire and yelled at her for screaming and crying. The victim told police that Hackman extinguished the flames. SOURCE: Lancaster Online

Lit her GENITALS on FIRE.

I’m not even sure what to write. It isn’t like this is something where you can say, “Hey, be careful and stay away from crazy people because they might light your genitals on fire.” 

It’s not like you can predict these things happening. And, I bet this woman probably trusted this guy to at least a certain extent, otherwise, why would she be staying with him?

This HAPPENED though. I think that’s what blows my mind the most is that this isn’t a scene from a movie or a comic book or what have you. This woman, who lives relatively close to here, actually had to experience this at the hands of a freakin’ madman.

Ok, I promise a bit more lighthearted stuff for the rest of the day at least.

Brought to you by ManDudeBro at SteelStacks this Friday night!

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Ex-Boyfriend Threatens to Shoot Ex-Girlfriend’s Pets with a BB Gun

When I’m super old, I’m going to tell my grand kids how we used to play pretend war in the cemetery with BB guns. 

At the time, it seemed like a great idea. But, when someone actually got hit with one of them, you figure out that you’re shooting small little balls at each other.

That shit hurts.

It’s like a bee getting stuck underneath your epidermis. 

When’s the last time you read the word “epidermis”?

Township police first arrived at a home in the 3900 block of Washington Street at 5:46 p.m. Sunday for reports of an assault, court records say. Police spoke with Cheryl Piccoli, who said Gregory Eugee Prystasz, 51, of that address, had tried to choke her after tossing her clothes outside, according to court papers.

Piccoli said Prystasz was threatening to kill her animals, authorities say. Prystasz was intoxicated, according to police. Authorities said the gun’s safety was off, it was loaded with BB pellets and ready to fire.The Express-Times

This is a pretty crazy story and it’s sometimes hard to imagine how this actually occurs around here. This actually happened in a town near you.

However, what’s even more amazing is how our earlier article published today regarding some drunk guy running offended so many people.

Seriously? 

Brought to you by ManDudeBro at SteelStacks this Friday night!

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Drunk Jogger on 378 Cited with Public Drunkeness

There’s a certain level of drunkenness where you feel as though you’re more physically capable than when you’re sober.

For example, you could be a bit tipsy and feeling so good that you challenge people to arm wrestling or think you can run 100 meters faster than Usain Bolt.

These feelings usually subside by the next drink, unless you’re this guy and decide it’s a good time to get your workout in.

A 21-year-old New Jersey man was cited by Lower Saucon Township police after he allegedly jogged while drunk along Route 378.

James Finan, 21, of the first block of Marigold Lane in Franklin Township, Somerset County, is charged with public drunkenness, police said.

He was jogging at 1:27 a.m. Saturday when police saw drivers making defensive maneuvers to avoid him, according to a news release.

Finan smelled of alcohol and was unsteady on his feet while speaking to officers, police said.SOURCE: The Express-Times

As far as I’m concerned, once the first bit of alcohol passes your lips, you cannot exercise that day. It’s over.

You have made a decision. I’m not sure why people would ever want to mix the two. 

You’re just going to puke faster.

Brought to you by ManDudeBro at SteelStacks this Friday night!

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Lehigh Valley Missed Connections of the Week (SANDS CONTEST WINNERS!)

Your Missed Connections of the Week brought to you by Townsend InsuranceMolly’s Irish Grille & Sports PubiMobile Rescue, and Diamond Toyota

I was going to put the Sands Bethlehem Restaurant winners at the bottom of the post and then make you read through the whole thing to find out if you won, but, then I realized that everyone would just scroll to the bottom anyway and miss all the fun Missed Connections so, our winners are…

Bill Donbar, Natalie Turton, and Kimberly Hinkle!

Yay. Just email LehighValleywithLove@gmail.com to claim your prizes.

We will have more giveaways again as a way to say thank you for reading. On Oct. 18, we’re hosting the inaugural Kickball Fest in Bethlehem. RSVP here (it’s free and we’re heading to The Bayou afterwards)

Now, onto local looney tunes!

last summer…on 611 in raubsville..at the park - w4m (raubsville)

I wish I could have had you when you wanted me last summer. So much was going on… I would still love to be your chick on the side…I’ve tried a few times to reach you by email…you must have changed it.. If you’re still around, my email hasn’t changed. would love to get together with you again. If you remember my car…where you were heading when we met up…what happened at that moment…please reply..

Any girl who is okay with being your “chick on the side” is crazy and will eventually kill you, or at least fake being pregnant once or twice before the whole mess is over.

cashier (today 9/19) early 20s? we got to see each other again - m4m (bethlehem - stefko)

So around 5:45pm today, Friday, .. I said to you “oh you still work here?” I was kidding of course. You said that you started this job in Feb. I told you that it was so nice outside.. ok, and I THINK that you kept looking at me as I was heading to my car. Tell me something so I know it’s you! Like the color of my sunglasses, or car (if you saw that) or my shirt. I hope you see this!!! Oh, and I didn’t see a name tag but your first name is on my receipt! It starts with J. We should chill :)

Previously, 3 weeks ago I had posted:

Hey! I asked you how your day was going. You said that you stay up way too late (till 3am) at night because you are afraid that you are going to miss something. You smiled at me a lot. You had a few earrings, and a wore a rubber bracelet. What color(s) was the bracelet? What color was my shirt? What color was your work apron? I hope we can connect :)

This is almost cute in a way. Of course, whenever I read these I’m picturing people who would be on TV, so, like not “real” people. On TV both of these people would be attracted to each other and they’d kiss before commercial break. In real life, one of them probably has really bad B.O.

HAMILTON BAR LAST NIGHT 7th & HAM - m4w - 32 (7th & Hamilton)

age : 32 body : athleticheight : 6’0” (182cm) status : single

Shot in the dark here…

You were with work colleagues I presume….. I walked in with a group of customers and sat across the bar from you. 
-I was wearing a paisley blue tie with brown vest
-You were wearing a black blouse with white strips/slits on the back

You looked stunning. We caught eyes a few times, I wanted to introduce myself but opportunity was limited. 

Never posted on here before, but figured if you felt the same maybe this would work.

Hit me back would love to meet you back there.

You know Allentown’s downtown is reenergized when you’re getting Missed Connections going on at 7th and Hamilton.

looking to powerslam a hottie for 60 minutes straight - m4w - 47 (lehigh area)

you read it right -

Attractive white male, decent size package is seeking an attractive female to power slam for 60 straight minutes…ok maybe I am off on either side by 2 or 3 minutes depending on your capabilities…but in general I will back things up on this side.

Looking for something discreet with a non pro.

Let me know what you think and we can go from there.

He’s totally not talking about wrestling!

Seriously though, has this EVER worked in the history of mankind? Ever? ONE TIME? 

See you at Celtic Classic!

Read previous Lehigh Valley Missed Connections.

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Burglar Leaves Behind Skunk Spray Smell

As humans, our basic physical defense mechanisms are punching and kicking and biting.

While they are totally effective ways to deter someone from attacking you most of the time, imagine if you had super strong smelling pee.

I guess it would be a bit difficult to pull off depending on what you were wearing at the time. Biological mace, however, would definitely be an upgrade.

Skunks have it good.

Bethlehem Township, Pennsylvania, police are hoping residents’ vigilance will help them track down whoever is responsible for a rash of burglaries in the western edge of the township.

A burglar who entered a home last week in the same area left behind a sneaker and — judging by the odor inside the home — may have been sprayed by a skunk, the chief said. Elements of that burglary, Pancoast said, are similar to the most recent reports.

"So we’re examining the possibility that they may be connected," Pancoast explained. SOURCE: The Express-Times

If you were sprayed by a sunk, you’d probably continue the burglary because what are the odds that you get sprayed by a sunk AND arrested in the same day? 

I would imagine that those are pretty slim.

However, if you know a dude who smells like absolute skunk piss and has some new stuff or an influx of cash, call the cops!

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Colossal Sands Restaurant Giveaway (More Than $100 in Prizes Per Winner!)

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Hey, we’re not ONLY about making fun of things, we’re also all about giving you free stuff when we have some free stuff to give you!

So, let’s make this simple. We’re giving away THREE Sands Bethlehem Prize Packs that include:

St. James Gate Irish Pub $50 Gift Certificate
Carnegie Deli $50 Gift Certificate
1 Sands Bethlehem Umbrella
1 Sands Bethlehem Puzzle Box

All you need to do to enter is to comment below on why you want all this super awesome stuff.

On Friday morning, sometime after we put up Lehigh Valley Missed Connections, we’ll announce THREE winners and you’ll get all that fun stuff in the mail.

Thank you to Sands Bethlehem for all the great prizes!

See? We’re nice guys.

Hop to it…

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Thieves Steal Cryogenic Equipment, Ask If They Can Just Put it Back

I didn’t know there was a cryogenics business in Allentown. That’s pretty interesting!

Did you know that? I bet you didn’t. I bet you also didn’t know that the word “comet” comes from the Greek word “kometes” meaning long hair and referring to the tail.

How about that?

Two men, accused of stealing equipment from an Allentown cryogenics business, were caught minutes after the theft while trying to scrap it, city police said.

Charles Powell, 69, of District Heights, Maryland, and Bruce Jackson, 55, of the 500 block of Turner Street in Allentown, are charged with burglary, trespassing, theft and receiving stolen property.

An employee at Acme Cryogenics Inc., 1 W. Allen St., called 911 on Monday afternoon to report a burglary in progress at the business, police said.

Powell was driving, police said. When police told Jackson to get out of the van, he told officers, “I know why you’re here, can’t we just return it?”SOURCE: The Express-Times

Here is another fact. The best movie featuring cryogenics is “Demolition Man" starring Sylvester Stallone and Wesley Snipes.

In this movie’s portrayal of the future, Taco Bell is actually a fancy restaurant, guns are outlawed, and you have sex through headsets.

How they predicted the future so accurately, one will never know.

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Man Pees on Lady Sleeping at His House

Pretty much everyone has mistakenly peed somewhere they probably weren’t supposed to. 

This can happen for a variety of reasons including intoxication, intoxication, intoxication, and being an infant.

Police say Maynard E. Kise Jr., 55, of the 800 block of Benders Church Road, entered a bedroom in his home Saturday evening and began urinating on Michele N. Ross while she lay on the bed. Authorities indicated Kise and Ross knew one another, but their relationship was not immediately clear.

Ross told police that Kise then pulled her off the bed and slammed his body onto hers before punching her in the face, court records say. Authorities say Ross had a cut below her eye and they observed urine on the bedroom floor.SOURCE: The Express-Times

Then he got arrested and peed in the jail cell because, well, at that point, why not? Right?

I remember the first time I saw a woman urinate in public. It was at a Dave Matthews Band Concert at Veterans Stadium in the late 1990s.

I’m not sure which is more embarrassing, the fact that I watched a grown women pee in a parking lot while hanging her ass out of a mini van, or that I went to a Dave Matthews concert. 

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Allentown Man Breaks Into House, Steals Wall Clocks

If there was a contest to make up a story about the most innocuous thing that a drunk person who just broke into your house could do, this non-fiction news story would still probably win.

Also, how many wall clocks do people have anymore?

Randy D. Schoenberger, of Allentown, was charged with burglary, harassment, receiving stolen property, criminal mischief, criminal trespassing and public drunkenness. He was arraigned by District Judge Rashid Santiago and sent to Lehigh County Jail under $50,000 bail.

While police were speaking to the victim, Schoenberger walked down the stairs of the building holding two wall clocks, police said. Schoenberger staggered toward the officers and said something the officers could not understand, police said. Police said he smelled of alcohol. SOURCE: The Morning Call

I just did a house check and we have exactly two clocks that hang on the wall and tell time with those arm thingies.

I’m pretty sure neither one of them is working properly 1. Because the first one says it’s 4 o’clock and it’s probably 9 a.m. and 2. because the second one is a cat with a tail that swings back and forth.

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Lehigh Valley Missed Connections of the Week (The 20 something hotty I made out with last month)

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Your Missed Connections of the Week brought to you by Townsend InsuranceMolly’s Irish Grille & Sports PubiMobile RescueRun Lehigh ValleyDiamond Toyota, and the Community Services for Children 5K.

There is another ManDudeBro show tonight at the SteelStacks in Bethlehem that you should go to. Seriously, just get to one of these freakin’ shows already. What else are you doing on Fridays? Drinking? (You can do that there) Partying (You can watch as they reenact parties) Making out (You could probably do that in the back top seats.)

BE SURE TO RSVP to Kickball Fest so we can get an accurate headcount. It’s free. It’s on Oct. 18. Be there.

Now, onto some people who are super sad that summer is ending.

commix thurs. 3-430 cutie with white hat and tats - w4m - 32 (emaus ave)

we both kept glancing I looked back before I left…waited.. wanting u to say something.. you white baseball hat super cute… fore arm tattoos (tribal)..me a bubbly random regular.. find me.. I talked about this site there..what was I wearing and what color hair did I have?? Hmu if u wanna know more

Do people still get tribal tattoos on their arms? I always envision guys from the early 2000s who got tribal tattoos trying to hide them when picking up their kids from day care. How unoriginal is a tribal tattoo? What, are you in a tribe? 

Doing laundry - w4m (Laundromat)

You and I were both doing laundry. You started talking to me right before I was leaving. You said “Can you tell I haven’t done laundry in awhile”. I smiled and said “You do a good job at it”. If this is you tell me what you or I was wearing please. I would really like to continue or conversation. I hope you see this. I am very shy when it come to talking at first but now I’m kicking myself in the butt for not sticking around.

How does someone NOT come away with a phone number in this situation? Even a first and last name? Do you know how easy it is to stalk someone on Facebook? 

Spoiler: It’s super easy.

CVS in Easton on 15th & Northampton St - w4w

Hey girl! You helped me out in the pharmacy dept on 9/6/14. At first, I wasn’t sure if you worked there or not only because the way you looked (I mean that in a good way) To me, you appeared to be just some random girl offering help but you do work there and really appreciated your assistance! You had brown boots on with a cute outfit ;) I’d like to return the same kindness you showed towards me regardless of me being a customer. If you happen to run into this post, please let me know what you helped me out with and/or describe what I look like, to know its you. Lets hang out, if you’re a bit interested :)

I love it when there are some solid w4ws! I just want them to be happy. It must be really hard to be a girl and ask another girl out. Girls are so weird. It’s like making it even more weird exponentially. That has to be gut wrenching.

Looking for Kate - m4w - 28 (Bethlehem)

Kate, you and I went to school together—Freedom, class of 2004. I was shy, nerdy, obsessed with politics, literature, and music. You were smart, witty, and kind. Your beauty seemed to radiate outward and fill the drab high school classrooms with a soft lambency. Seeing you everyday made high school bearable for me. We flirted a few times, but I never had the nerve to ask you out. Now it’s ten years later, and I regret it. We fell out of touch, but if by some extraordinary confluence of events you’re reading this, I’d love to talk to you again sometime.

"Soft lambency’? Dude, put down the thesaurus, pick up your nuts, and properly stalk this woman through Facebook by going through  your high school friends and seeing if they have a friend named "Kate."

God damnit, is it this difficult? Why are you even posting this here you bad poetry filled peen?

The 20 something hotty I made out with last month - m4m - 45 (Leheigh Valley)

Looking for that really cute 20 something twink I almost hooked up with. We met at a mall, you were with friends. We passed each other many times and always followed each other with our eyes. I slipped in to the bathroom and you came in. We made out for a few but you got scared and left. You told me your number but I think I screwed it up. You said you love masculine older dudes and wanted to meet again. Get in touch

Oh waaaaait a minute. You went from “made out with” in the title to “almost hooked up with” in the first sentence? I already hate you. 

This didn’t happen. No way this happened. You’re just putting this up there as bait. You are a jerk.

Read previous Lehigh Valley Missed Connections.

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Man Arrested For Pot is Named “Dang Hai”

I’m not a fan of cliches in comedy unless they are presented in a way were it’s known that you’re using a cliche on purpose and the self-awareness of the joke is then funny.

So the whole cliche of having a funny name tied to a crime may not be funny to me when I’m in search of highbrow humor.

Luckily, today is not one of those days. Get ready for some solid 14-year-old humor, kids.

A Lehigh County man is under arrest and a Berks County man is being sought in connection with what law enforcement authorities described as a “sophisticated” marijuana grow operation.

This guy is so sophisticated they put quotes around it.

The investigation began Sept. 10 with a traffic stop by Fleetwood police in the 600 block of Sheiry Road in Richmond Township, Berks County, officials said.

Oh…. get ready for it.

Dang Hai Le, 39, of Whitehall Township, Lehigh County, was driving a GMC Denali 45 mph in a 25 mph zone, said police, adding that he had both expired Nebraska and Texas driver’s licenses and that the vehicle was tagged with a Texas registration.

Let’s sound that out, everybody. DANG … HAI.

I’m not sure if I could make this horse I want to beat any more visible, but, stay with me.

Dang Hai’s actions during the traffic stop raised officers’ suspicions, and the driver granted them permission to search the vehicle, leading police to find 541 freshly cut marijuana branches inside, according to an affidavit of probable cause.

They were like, “Are you dang high?” and he’s like, “Yes, I am Dang Hai.”

And they are like, “Okay, so you’re admitting you’re dang high?” and he’s like, “Yeah, that’s what’s on my driver’s license.”

And then everyone laughs!

Dang Hai told police that the marijuana was to be delivered to a man in Allentown.

Further investigation then led the Berks County district attorney’s drug task force to 58 Deer Run Rd. in District Township, Berks County, near Boyertown, where a search uncovered what detectives described as a “sophisticated marijuana growing operation.” SOURCE: WFMZ.com

Okay. I’m done.

I’ll be here all week.

Brought to you by the Best Of Craigslist on Thursday at 8 p.m. at SteelStacks!!

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SPECIAL IDAHO EDITION: Burning Armpit Hair Causes Truck Crash

You know, once a week we should do a story from outside of the area. 

It’s not that Lehigh Valley isn’t full enough of crazy people and acts, however, it’s nice to look outside of the area once in awhile to confirm the fact that we don’t live in an insane asylum.

So, I present you, Idaho.

A SUV full of teenagers crashed in Idaho after one of the passengers lit the driver’s armpit hair on fire with a lighter, authorities said Wednesday.

All five young people in the Ford Bronco were hurt in the crash Sunday and received medical treatment, the Ada County Sheriff’s Office said.

Two of the passengers, ages 15 and 16, were thrown from the vehicle, but none of the five suffered life-threatening injuries.

The sheriff’s department said the rollover occurred after a 16-year-old boy was goofing off in the front seat and lit 18-year-old Tristian Myers’ armpit hair on fire while Myers was driving. The crash happened at about 5:30 a.m. in southeast Boise.

Deputies cited Myers with inattentive driving, while the 16-year-old was cited for interfering with the driver’s safety. The passenger’s name wasn’t released. A 17-year old also was in the front seat but was not cited. SOURCE: 6 ABC

Two things: 1. There probably isn’t a lot to do in Idaho. I know we’re not necessarily sitting in the nexus of the funnest place on earth, but we do have a pretty sweet arena and places to watch decent bands. So, I can see why these kids would want to have some fun passing the time by lighting each other’s body hair on fire.

and 2. Get ready to start having to interact with a bunch of new adults who are going to have stupid names. Pretty soon, there are going to be a ton of Tristens and Braydens and Masons and Madisens and 15 different spellings of Ashley and Ashlyn. 

Ugh, I just want to talk to some nice, good ole’ Gregs.

Brought to you by the Best Of Craigslist on Thursday at 8 p.m. at SteelStacks!!

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Man Walks Down Stairs with Pot and Alcohol Bottles as His Parole Officer Stops By

When you’re on parole, you’re kinda still in jail. You get to go out and make money and be in society and all the great stuff, but you can’t exactly just walk down to the local bar and tie one on when you feel like it.

You can’t leave the state when you feel like it. But, that’s the point. You need to prove yourself to remove your self.

Or you could just keep on keeping on like this dude.

An Easton man’s parole officer caught him walking down the stairs of his home with three empty bottles of alcohol and large bag of marijuana, police said.

Easton police were called Tuesday night to the home of Mohammed IBN Abdul Khaliq Al Shabazz, 23, in the 600 block of Wolf Avenue, court records state.

Parole officer Brian Fullock was making a routine visit when he saw Al Shabazz coming down the stairs wearing a tan backpack, carrying the empty bottles and a large Ziploc bag, police said.

Al Shabazz ignored Fullock’s orders to stop and walked into the kitchen where he threw the baggie, filled with suspected marijuana, individual glassine baggies and a digital scale, next to the fridge, police said. Fullock found $459 in cash in the backpack. SOURCE: The Express-Times

How crappy must THAT feel? You were all about to do some fun illegal activities around town, where most likely your parole officer wouldn’t ever find your or look for you and… boom… you can’t even make it out of the front door of your house.

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Band Teacher Sleeps with 14-Year-Old Student

What’s this guy’s name, you ask?

Oh, aren’t you a little sexist!

It’s a lady band teacher!

How do you feel about yourself now? Ashamed? Good.

Bridgett F. Szychulski, 31, of Nedla Road, Philadelphia, was arrested Tuesday on charges of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse, statutory sexual assault, aggravated indecent assault and indecent assault.

Szychulski allegedly had sex with the student while employed as a band teacher at Lenape Middle School in Doylestown.

She was probably all frustrated after years of everyone asking her how to spell her name correctly and finally snapped!

No, but seriously, see, this is funny, right? It’s funny that she did some 14-year-old student (we don’t know if the student is male or female). 

If this was a guy, people would be going crazy. And, the problem isn’t anything other than the fact that there are double standards in the world and maybe we have to realize that… OR.. we have to treat her the same way we’d treat a male offender.

But, I’m not holding my breath for that.

Brought to you by the Best Of Craigslist on Thursday at 8 p.m. at SteelStacks!!

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