Lady Steals Drinks From Bar, Crashes Into Car in Parking Lot (FACEBOOK PROFILE)

In the history of fast getaways, this may very well be the worst fast getaway.

Also, who steals alcohol from a bar? I’m not even sure how you go about that. I mean, beers are literally $2-6 depending on where you are. You’re THAT hard up for beers? You should be stealing copper wire, I heard that’s where it is at.

An Emmaus woman stole alcoholic beverages inside a North Whitehall Townshipbar and then crashed her car outside it, Pennsylvania State Police report.

Sliders Pub staff and patrons witnessed Ashley Lynn Shabazz (FACEBOOK PROFILE) taking alcoholic beverages for which she hadn’t paid early May 6 at the 4650 Route 309 bar, police said Tuesday. Later, the 27-year-old crashed her car into a vehicle parked outside the bar, police said.

Troopers arrived and, after conducting interviews, determined Shabazz was under the influence of drugs and incapable of safe driving, police said. In addition, they found she had stolen beverages at the bar, police said.

A small amount of marijuana was discovered inside Shabazz’s car, police said.SOURCE: The Express-Times

I knew a girl who stole one of those huge vodka bottles that bars put on some sort of lit display. She was annoyed at the bartender for some reason and when he went down the bar to deal with some dude, totally just took it and walked out the door.

No, I wasn’t there. But, I did see it a week later sitting on her kitchen table when she had a party. I hope she repents.

The Motley Crue Concert if Reviewed by John Moser of the Morning Call

Written in the style of John Moser of the Morning Call.

After a long day of tweetering with my all of my fans, I decided that I didn’t have much better to do and decided I’d go to the Motley Crue concert.

Obviously, I got in free because I’m a big time music writer.

Anyway, The Sands Bethlehem Event Center, where the show was held, is ok, I guess. There are better venues in Philadelphia and New York City. Have you been to Philadelphia or New York City? I have. I have gone to concerts there before.

Ugh. People were inside DRINKING ALCOHOL! I decided that since I am an esteemed journalist, I was going to just sit away from them. SOME OF THEM WERE SMOKING CIGARETTES! Are they animals? Sheesh. The smoke almost touched my velour suit! I almost left, but knew I had a job to do.

Then, Motley Crue came on and they were old. LIke, they AGED in the 30 years since they first released an album. What is this about? What kind of band gets old? Obviously they don’t know what they are doing. I should be managing them.

The guitarist was playing guitar and everything, but he was old! The last time I saw him on my TV he was NOT this old. I wasn’t sure what was going on.

So, the show was alright, but if they played it in Philadelphia it would have been better. There were people in the crowd drinking beer and some woman SHOWED HER BREASTS. I immediately gouged out my eyes because I am a reputable human being.

I got a taxi home. But, it wasn’t a taxi like the taxis you would see in New York City or Philadelphia.

Have you ever been to New York City or Philadelphia?

I have.

Old Married Couple Steals Nearly $1 Million from South Whitehall Township

It’s kinda weird that those who steal never seem to do so to get “just enough.”

Like, if you JUST needed $1,000 to cover some bills and pay your rent and you were able to steal it and stopped, well, that’s one thing. But, it seems that once you figure out that, “Wow, that $1,000 was pretty easy to get.” Then it just steamrolls. Or snowballs. Or whatever.

Two married South Whitehall employees – one the utilities supervisor, her husband a police officer – allegedly stole more than $850,000 that they gambled away and used to “live beyond their means,” Lehigh County District Attorney James Martin said Tuesday.

Nancy A. Tonkin had been the utilities supervisor for most of her 30 years with the township, handling billing and payment receipts for water, sewer and refuse and recycling. William Tonkin, 69, was a township police officer from 1969 to 1996 and most recently working as a security guard at Allen High School in Allentown.

The grand jury investigation determined that the couple stole $854,497 from the township from 1999 to June 2012. None of that money has been recovered, Martin said.SOURCE: The Morning Call

The article goes on to say that they lost more than $100,000 on slot machines alone.

LOST $100,000 on slot machines.

I guess you just reach a point where you don’t even notice that you’re stealing anymore. It just becomes… okay.

It’s hot out.

Why You Should Vote for J. William Reynolds in Bethlehem’s Election Tuesday!

Hopefully this won’t cost him any votes, but, we’re excited to endorse and vote for J. William Reynolds tomorrow in the Bethlehem mayoral primary tomorrow. 

There is no Republican entry so, pretty much, whoever wins between Reynolds and Bob Donchez is assured the nod. Unless Tom Ring decides to run on the Independent ticket or something.

Anyway, you should vote for Reynolds for a few reasons. And, these are my reasons, so if you want to get all political and nitpicky about finances and boring stuff like that. Go ahead, just do so in the comments where people can ignore you.

1. While I’m sure Donchez is a nice dude, he seems kinda boring. I mean, there’s NOTHING wrong with being boring, but if you’re the mayor of Funtown, you have to have a little bit of party in you.

I’m not saying that Reynolds is going to hold keggers at City Hall or anything, but I think having some youthful vigor in a town that has a surging young populace who CARES about things, is very good. It’ll keep people involved.

2. Reynolds is inexperienced? Sure. But so were current Mayor John Callahan and former Mayor Don Cunningham, both of whom are championed for making Bethlehem what it is today. Bethlehem doesn’t need to become a rubber stamp type of government or community.

Residents should be proud that the city has become a source of inspiration for other communities while overcoming some of its own problems. I think we need to keep that type of “forging forward” mentality.

3. I heard a rumor that Reynolds will offer free doughnuts once in awhile. Krispy Kremes*

4. This is the type of election that can shape the next decade or so of not only the political landscape, but also the community landscape. It doesn’t matter whether or not you agree with all of Reynolds policies, what’s important is that electing a young, grass-roots mayor who cares deeply about the city is going to rub off onto other people and groups.

People are going to want to get involved because they see how they were able to make positive changes in their own community through their act of voting  This is especially true for groups like the Bethlehem Food Co-Op, for example, a group that relies on the spirit of its volunteers and the help of politicians who will take a bit of time to help them out.

5. I heard if he wins, he’ll buy everyone some Fratzola’s Pizza*

6. If you don’t vote for him, it’s the equivalent of voting for your super boring uncle who just wants things to be all slowy downy for the next four years. Four years! Cmon. We can’t let that happen.

Alright, that’s all I got. So, vote tomorrow, take a minute out of your day!

*Probably not true.

Is the Bear in Easton a Berenstain Bear?

The last time we heard about a bear in Easton it was when some residents were calling 911 about it and the 911 people were like, “Don’t call 911 about a stupid bear.”

Well, the next generation of bears must have heard that Easton is bear friendly.

The bear that’s been seen around Easton in recent days is likely a yearling and appears to have found his way out of the city limits, according to the Lehigh Valley Wildlife Conservation Officer Shawnta Burkett.

Burkett said the Pennsylvania Game Commission set up a trap for the bear Sunday morning at the request of the Easton Police Department, but as of this morning, the small black bear has yet to make another appearance, Burkett said.

“It’s empty. He may have moved through,” Burkett said. “It’s just really important for people  to leave the bear alone. He won’t bother you.”

The bear had been spotted the last several evenings near the Easton Area Public Library.SOURCE: The Express-Times

Mom TOTALLY Sells Son Out Over Bedroom Pot

Parents can parent however they want to parent as long as the kid isn’t getting abused in some manner. So, even if I think that it’s completely screwed up to not let your kid eat Rita’s Italian Ice because you think that it’s evil or something, I guess you have the right to do that.

And, while pot has been shown to be kinda not awful, I can understand you not wanting your child to use it; going as far as to punish them if they are caught with it.

Calling the cops, though, CMON MOM!

A 15-year-old Lower Saucon Township boy has been charged with marijuana possession after his mother found the drug and paraphernalia in his bedroom, police said.

Police responded to the home on Overlook Drive at 3:07 p.m. Friday and the boy admitted to authorities that the marijuana belonged to him, police said. 

The boy was charged with both marijuana and drug paraphernalia possession and the charges have been sent on to the juvenile court system. SOURCE: The Express-Times

You know what this does? It effectively cuts off any sort of open dialogue you ever could have had with your kid. Sure, I bet there are some mitigating circumstances here, but, if you’re calling the cops on your kid for something that could have been handled, literally, in-house, they are never going to trust you again.

Without that trust, they are going to become secretive and keep many things from you, even if they are trivial.

Then, they are going to run away from home and impregnate a circus clown and settle down somewhere in Western Pennsylvania where all those weirdos live.

Lehigh Valley Missed Connections of the Week (MUFF DIVING)

Lehigh Valley Missed Connections of the Week brought to you by Blue Monkey Sports Restaurant, Townsend Insurance, Molly’s Irish Grille & Sports Pub and Computer Troubleshooters!

You ever have a weekend where you absolutely plan on doing absolutely nothing? Yep. That’s this weekend. 

Maybe I’ll hit up Qmart to buy a samurai sword and some chicken wings, but that’s about it.

Your local weirdos:

Yyle from Sands Casino - w4m - 38 (Southside Bethleghem)

I dont know how 2 start n i never thought id ever opost sumthing like this but i had 2…. i met u on a rainy early morning at sandscasino. i was playing my penny slots drinking my morning rumncokes lol wen all of a sudden u approached me. U were tall dark and handsome n sat down n we played slots n talked 4 hours n had drinks. then we both lost all our money n ended up getting a free slice ofcheese from the restarant n even tho it wuz good it wus still a lil depressin… u just went to the bathrom n nevr came back. i got cut off from drinks n hitchiked home. y dint i get your number…. email me wut u were waring n ware u just moved hear from n some things wetalked about… i been thinkin about u Mr. T. lol .

My homework for you is to draw a picture of what this lady looks like and email it to lehighvalleywithlove@gmail.com or tweet it at @lvwithlove.

I bet you $20 we all draw the same thing.

this morning, and yesterday morning - m4m - 32 (Allentown, Cedar Crest Blvd)

Saw you this morning, again, just like yesterday. You normally come in around 9am. You had a dark shirt on, looked like you had “bed head” it was kinda cute. You were on the “bike” next to me for a few minutes, then you went on to the next station. Don’t know if you swing this way, discreet here, myself. If you are interested, let me know what I was wearing.

Some people are so sexy that they don’t even have to comb their hair to get gay men to want to have sex with them.

And now some poetry!

broke me heart - m4w - 49

you broke my heart
as far as i can tell
quickly you made a brand new start
while i go through hell.

green eyes and a pretty smile
been through alot but i had fell
for u all the way, and even though
you were mad at.me
i could feel how.much without you
id go through hell

but thats ok your happy now
i wish you the best
and i will move on from you somehow
unlike you, though i will take time
to heal and make sure the next woman
is not hurt …..goodbye

Started strong and then lost it toward the end. I really would have liked to have seen the “go through hell” imagery fleshed out a bit more. I feel there was a bunch of untapped potential there. Remember, writing is all about rewriting. I think, with just some extra time here, you could really have a stellar. 

And now your kinda NSFW missed connection of the week!

Going down? - m4w - 28 (Bethlehem)

I’m looking for a girl who loves being eaten out. Don’t need to reciprocate. Hopefully it could be an on going thing and we can do more together. But for now I really want to taste and smell you. I’m fit good looking and have a strong tongue.

How thoughtful! How could any woman turn this down? The fact that you want nothing in return is so… LYING!

Read previous Missed Connections.

“You drive a garbage truck and I drive a Range Rover.”

Being a garbage man can’t be that much fun. However, someone told me once that they make decent money. I guess that depends which hauler they are working for, etc. 

You know what? I bet you find a lot of fun crap if you’re a garbage man. It’s like being an antique hunter, but just in people’s trash instead of their attic.

Either way, respect your garbage man. Not cool, lady.

Let’s set this up. So, some privileged idiot lady in Lower Saucon noticed that her trash wasn’t picked up because she didn’t have it by the curb. The garbage man was nice enough to turn around and come back to get her garbage, which was probably full of stupid and doughnut boxes.

The woman, Sarah Hart, brought her garbage to the end of the driveway and threw it on the ground, police said.

She told Campbell to “pick it up with your teeth because you are a garbage man,” the police report said. “You drive a garbage truck and I drive a Range Rover.”

Campbell tried to leave, but Hart pulled him from the truck and hit him on the left side of the face, police said. The blow left a red patch and broke a molar, according to the report. SOURCE: The Morning Call

Hello crazytown. You see this way too often. Someone who is having a bad day is going to pick on someone who they perceive to be below them in order to establish their self-confidence.

But, seriously, though, do you know how much cool stuff people throw away? I’d be all over that. Anyone a garbage men out there who found a sweet end table or something?

Deer Kills Itself in Downtown Easton

Suicide is really selfish. Sure, shit sucks, but it sucks for everyone and if you go ahead and off yourself it’s just going to make everything suck even that much more for the people who care about you.

So, I mean, I guess if no one cares about you then… well… go for it, because if you’re not happy and buying some new pants or something won’t cure your unhappiness, then, yep, death.

That being said, I’m a bit disappointed in this deer.

A deer about 8:15 this morning smashed through the front window of a Downtown Easton business and died about a half block away, city police report.

The display window was shattered at Suzy’s Mixing Bowl at 34 N. Second St. and the adult deer was fatally cut.

“I didn’t know what to think,” next-door neighbor Charlotte Haring said, adding that she heard the impact but did not see it. “Who expects a deer in the middle of the city?”SOURCE: The Express-Times

Sure, life was probably getting rough for deer. But, just because deer couldn’t reel in his alcohol problem and come to terms with the fact that he was going to have to pay child support, doesn’t mean he should launch himself head first into a window to kill himself.

There are better options, deer.

There are better ways.

You took the coward’s way out, today.  

Drunk Man Pees on Public Drunkenness Booking Paperwork and Table

When urination becomes an adventure due to your drunken state, there’s usually no going back.

If you’re already at the point where you think peeing out of a two story window or in the corner of a bar is OK, then the only real recourse you have is passing out. There is no sobering up from that moment.

A drunken Easton man who cursed at police trying to calm him early Wednesday in Bangor was increasingly uncooperative, urinating on a table at the Northampton County booking center and threatening a district judge, according to court records.

Police were called to the 300 block of South Northampton Street in Bangor for a man who was screaming at the owners of a residence there. Police met up with Michael Allen Merlo, 43, of the 1400 block of Butler Street, who had a bloody nose which he said he suffered after a fall, according to court papers. Police determined Merlo was intoxicated, court papers say.

He then drops his pants and calls the cops names, so they bring him to the booking center.

Court records show that Merlo’s behavior continued once he was in custody. He allegedly urinated on a table and paperwork while he was being processed at the Northampton County Central Booking Center. He also cursed at and threatened on-duty District Judge Joseph Barner during his arraignment. SOURCE: The Express-Times

Yeahhhh… I don’t care what lawyer you get for this one, there’s no going back from peeing on your drunk and disorderly paperwork in front of cops.

I’m curious how he was able to urinate like that. Wasn’t he cuffed? Did he just kinda prop his hips up on the table and let loose through his pants or was he able to shimmy the rascal free and have free reign?

Either way, his hangover is worse than your hangover.

Our IronPigs Pork Illustrated Cover Contest Submission

The IronPigs and Lehigh Valley Health Network are running a Pork Illustrated Cover Contest for kids 5-12. 

Basically, you download the .pdf and have your kid color it and then send it in. They will then scan them and put them on their Facebook page and users will vote for the winner.

The winner gets their drawing on a cover of Pork Illustrated (the IronPigs game program.)

So, even though we may be just a TAD over the age limit, we decided to enter with this gem.

I think it perfectly dictates exactly what this season of baseball is all about, urinal video games!

Man Breaks Into House, Bear Hugs Woman, Throws Bicycle, Leaves

Nothing like randomly breaking into a house by forcing your way through the front door then bear hugging some lady before throwing a bicycle and some sort of statue near children.

Just another day.

Tomas Santiago, of Allentown, was arrested shortly after the 11:30 p.m. disturbance in the 100 block of E. Winton Street, according to court records. The street is near the Lehigh River and Keck Park.

Rivera told Santiago she didn’t know who he was, so she called her husband. Carlos Rivera came to the door, but Santiago pushed his way in and grabbed another woman inside and placed her in a bear hug.

Josephine De La Cruz told police she struggled to get out of the hug. Santiago eventually let her go but grabbed a bicycle and threw it, damaging two walls and a door.

Santiago grabbed a statue and threw it toward the door, shattering it into small pieces. Two 6-year-olds were in the living room and were almost hit. SOURCE: The Morning Call

The cops arrested him and it doesn’t look like there was really any reason why this guy did this. They found pot in his pocket, but who doesn’t have some pot in their pocket?

I wonder if the lady took the bear hug like Hulk Hogan and was almost out of it until she heard the roar of the crowd and then came back to life and beat the man senseless and then pinned him.

Bear hugs are the worst.

DUI BAC to go to 0.05? One Martini and Done…

I’m not sure I have an opinion on whether or not I think this is a good idea. 

I mean, no one should drive drunk, but, how many people drive when they are at a .05 compared to a .08?

Isn’t a .05 like half a martini in an hour?

Federal accident investigators recommended today that states cut their threshold for drunken driving by nearly half, matching a standard that has substantially reduced highway deaths in other countries.

The National Transportation Safety Board said states should shrink the standard from the current 0.08 blood alcohol content to 0.05 as part of a series of recommendations aimed at reducing alcohol-related highway deaths.SOURCE: The Express-Times

I guess it would really come down to the fact that if you have more than one-two drinks over the course of a meal in an hour or so, you’re just gonna have to wait awhile until you can drive home.

Also, they pointed to the fact that this has been adopted in many European countries, which has resulted in a drop in DUI related deaths.

However, many European countries have a much better public transportation system than 99% of United State cities.

Sure, a .05 in New York City is no big deal, because you’re taking a taxi or the subway home. But, that’s a different story in an area where you don’t have a public transportation option. Either you’re going to risk getting caught or your “going out” plans are just going to be reserved to places you can walk to.

OR you’re going to become much better friends with that one friend who doesn’t drink.

Occupy People are Back in Easton (Yawn, Zzzzzzzz…..)

The Occupy Lehigh Valley people took time off from being unemployed to return to Easton where they are going to set up tents and yell about stuff for awhile until they realize that it’s uncomfortable and go home like last time.

In all seriousness, though, it’s good to have a little protest here and there. I just can’t take it seriously when a protest says how they will be there forever and then move for Christmas.

So, hopefully something comes out of this.

The Occupy movement is trying to find its legs again as a small group set up camp over the weekend in Downtown Easton.

After three days back living in tents, the group was asked to move from Centre Square and took up residence in the first block of North Fourth Street where protesters camped in late 2011.

“Nature” Dave Gorczynski said the group wanted to reorganize, adding that anyone can protest anything. The goal is to make people aware that all issues can be solved with education and unity, Gorczynski said. 

This time, the occupiers will consist of protesters from not only Easton, but New York, New Jersey and Ohio, he said.SOURCE: The Express-Times

Again, good for them. I just feel like these protests end up being more about the protesters getting mad about where they can and cannot set up camp rather than about some global something or other.

If you REALLY want to protest, why not go to the local soup kitchen and volunteer while also protesting at the same time. You’ll get much more positive press while you’re still protesting and you’ll also be doing something in the community that directly affects those who need help.

Or, instead of camping outside and everything, why not help out the local homeless who are actually not able to go back to somewhere warm when the whole novelty of sitting outside in a tent wears off.

It just seems like a lot of playing semantic bullshit to me.

If you really want to change the world, go change it, don’t just sit somewhere and have your whole protest end up being about the fact that the cops may not want you in a certain area.

And moving on…

Sign Up for the Miss Allentown Freak Out Contest!

The Lehigh Valley’s freakiest festival, The Allentown Freak Out Fringe Festival, returns to Allentown on June 21st and 22nd.

The Freak Out has quickly become one of the most popular fringe/freak/subculture festivals from here to Philly or NYC and features fire dancers, film, art, music, sword swallowers, painting to music and, of course, us.

The Lehigh Valley with Love Miss Freak Out 2013 Contest will be held June 22 and YOU should enter.

Well, you should enter if you’re a lady (or lady gentleman) who is interested in showing off for an anti-pageant pageant.

We’re looking for ladies who don’t hold back, have a fun talent, and don’t mind winning some great prizes from local sponsors. The winner will be selected by a panel of local celebs.

So, Sign up here. If you have any questions, email lehighvalleywithlove@gmail.com

Watch a clip of last year’s Freak Out including a part of the pageant.